(Closed) What would you do if your husband told you he'd leave if you gained weight?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 287
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

So he’s a terrible communicator and punishes you for bringing up difficult but necessary subjects and then refuses to talk to you or come home, in addition to everything else?  Girl, WTF.  This guy is a loser!  Get the Eff away from him.  You’re a smart, hot, professional woman – you can and will do way way better, and being alone until you find the right guy is still way way better than this!

Post # 288
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@OldMrsMcDonald:  Peace the F out, LMAO!!!

Seriously, he’s using you and will leave you when he feels like you’re all used up. Nuff said.

Post # 289
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@LibraryBlondie:  I understand what you are saying and that is that people shouldn’t feel that they can just “let themselves go” (mainly due to the health aspect).

But did you miss the part where he basically said that once you start to look older I will cheat on you too? THAT she can’t stop from happening.

Post # 290
Member
8830 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why would anyone waste time on someone who feels this way? This guy is gross and ridiculous, and being “burdened” with a special needs child is no excuse! Yuck!!!!!! 

I was taking a shower when I was 8 months pregnant and my husband walked into the bathroom. I grabbed the shower curtain and covered myself up with it. He asked me what I was doing, and I said “I don’t want you to see me fat and naked.” He gently pulled the curtain away and with a hand on my HUGE belly, he said “this belly is nourishing and protecting my baby. I love this belly, I love that fat, and I”ll still love it if any of it decides to stick around afterwards.” … Well, a good portion must have seen that as an invitation, because it did stick around, yet he tells me every day how beautiful I am.

OP, I guarantee this guy will take off in 10 years or less, and the worst part is, he’ll make you feel like it’s your fault. If only you took better care of yourself, if only you took better care of his son, if only if only if only. Get out now while you stll have some self esteem to salvage.

Post # 291
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lovesupreme:  Ok, so, I was in a pretty bad situation like this, before. My ex fiance is 16 years older than me. When I met him, I weighed about 135 or so at 5’6″, and at that time he thought I would look best 10 pounds lighter. He didn’t start by saying it in a mean way, it was just “helping” me with my weight loss (I was working out on my own before we were together). The problem was that I stared to gain some weight. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to start sparking fights. In the 4 years we were together, pretty much every argument we had touched on my weight. I’m a fairly stubborn person, and I actually ended up gaining 40 pounds over our relationship. I don’t know if it was subconcsiously trying to see how far I could go until he would make good on his promise to kick me to the curb if I got fat.

I tried to explain to him, so many times, that looks come and go. I told him that at some point he was going to be old and I would have to take care of him, but it was like he was refusing to believe that he would ever age or not be in shape.  We had so many arguments where I woiuld just ask, “Why can’t you just love me for me?”

 

I finally had to reach the point where I realized my love wasn’t enough. I felt a lot like you did for a long time. We were engaged, and had put deposits down on things, already. I still had to make the choice to end it and face the humiliation (in my mind). We tried counseling. I am the type of person who is loyal to a fault, and I stayed in the relationship for FAR too long. I loved him unconditionally, but his had conditions. How was that fair to me? 

Honestly, how is it fair to you? Someone said you are 20? If that’s true, don’t sell yourself short. At 20, you are just STARTING your life. I started dating my ex-fiance when I was 21. When I look back at where I was then, and how my life has changed over 9 years, it’s crazy! During that time, I figured out what I really wanted to do with my life and started an amazing career. I met an amazing guy who loves me for who I am.

 

I understand what you say about looks and attraction. Looks are what initially attract us to someone, but it’s when you get to know someone that the true love happens. Trust me when I say that you deserve to find someone amazing who won’t put conditions on their love for you. 

 

If you ever need someone to talk to who has been in a situation similar to yours, let me know.

Post # 292
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Lt.Columbo:  I was going to say she should gain the weight to spite him, but this sounds like a much better (and temporary! double win!) option.

Post # 293
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You deserve better. Everyone deserves someone who loves them reguardless. My finace is always telling me that I dont need makeup or if i get critical of my body he says, if i want to work out he will work out with me or train me(he is a fitness trainer) but that as much as he enjoys my figure, the woman that i am inside is who he will marry. He said if i took up inhaling entire hams he’d be impressed but no less atrracted.

The only thing worse then being afraid of getting fat is having to be scared that someone wont love you if you do.

You deserve that. He needs to marry you, not your figure. If he cant…I’d tell him to hit the road.

Post # 294
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’d tell him to jog on – if he can’t be there for me during the ‘bad bits’, then he shouldn’t be with me during the ‘good bits’, if that makes sense. 

Post # 295
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lovesupreme:  If my husband ever threatened to leave me if I gained weight, I’d be leaving HIM first for saying that!  For your fiance to say such a thing to you is abusive and unacceptable. He should love you for who you are, not for what you look like, and if he would really leave you just because your appearance changed, that’s NOT love.  Not only that, but the fact that you will age is inevitable.  You can’t keep looking young forever and neither can he, but since he already straight up told you that he will start looking for other women when your appearance starts to change due to aging, why are you with a man who will either cheat on you or leave you (if not both)?  Since he TOLD you that he will, don’t doubt him and don’t tolerate being hurt like this!  I recommend not waiting around for the inevitable heartbreak–I’d cut my losses NOW if I were you!

As you know, he will only continue to go for younger and younger women because he’s obsessed with physical appearance and is probably afraid of growing fat and/or old himself so he needs young and beautiful women to stroke his ego.  You deserve better than this because you ARE beautiful yourself, you just need someone who will appreciate your INNER beauty as well as the outer.  As we age, the inner beauty actually becomes much more important because our physical beauty is guaranteed to fade over tme.  I hope you find someone who will love you for who you are and be happy to grow old with you!

Post # 296
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry if this has already been said, I didn’t read all of the posts, but this . . . 

But he is constantly attracted to younger girls, and I think it’s an escape in a way, because their innocence reminds him of the days when he didn’t have such a heavy burden on his plate.

is a load of crap. He wants younger girls because he is more interested in physical appearance and being in control than being in a mutually giving, accepting, and loving relationship. 

Post # 297
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would say why wait, go NOW

Post # 298
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think the fact he has a special needs kid is enough of a burden to hold, and if he won’t even be consider to you and love you in all your forms, man f*ck this. 

You’re way too young to be saddled with an unfaithful husband with the obligation of raising his kid. The 20s are the best time in your life, don’t feel like you have to settle and know that you will find someone who loves you unconditionally.

Post # 299
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If FH ever said that to me he would be single. Simple as that. 

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