(Closed) What would you do if your husband told you he'd leave if you gained weight?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Let me get this straight. He has a fi 20 years his junior, you support yourself, are willing to support his son and he gets to call you his arm candy…..and apparently this isnt enough? Next time he criticises your appearance remind him that you are already suffering his wrinkly ass so he can suck it up and treat you properly or Fo. Lets face it, you can easily find a replacement who will treat you well but it wouldnt be so easy for him. 

Post # 63
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry, but this post just made me so, SO sad. You can’t always control your appearance. God forbid anything SHOULD happen, but what about if you got ill? What about if you needed body changing surgery as so many women do with things like breast cancer? Would he leave you then, would he look elsewhere, because you weren’t ‘perfect’? He’s got a downright NERVE to even SAY those things. You need to get out, you need to find someone who will treat you properly and love you no matter what. For better, for worse!

Post # 64
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Lt.Columbo:  You mademe giggle.

Honestly i have to agree with the bees. Dump his ass. You are  willing to do whatever to care for a specail need child that is not yours if it comes down to that one day and all he can think about is if you gain weight he will leave. And you are asking what you should do??? Girl that is something that shouldnt be thought. Instincts would of had my ass right out the door leaving him by himself. There are guys out there that will love you round, skinny, tall ,short, pretty, ugly. MOVE ON

Post # 65
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It already sounds like a stressful relationship. It shouldn’t be this hard. Just by reading your post, I can feel the tension you are having. I would say cut your losses. You are young, hard workikng, loyal person. You deserve to be happy. And I solely say this, not because of your step son’s situation, you are a loyal caring person to accept his situation, but to add on that you need to be a certain way to his, Fiance, liking. You are accepting a huge resposibility with this man, he should appreciate you; not dictate your weight or make you feel, insecure or stressed. I would really contemplate your situation.  Think of the possibilties of a kind of life you would have with him years to come or without him. I wish you the best. 

Post # 66
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@Lt.Columbo:  *goes into hysterical laughter* that’s hilarious!

Post # 67
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

For real? I would think (or hope) that having a special needs child would make him MORE sensitive and compassionate toward others. I wouldn’t think it would make him feel like he deserved some sort of “reward” for having the “burden” of taking care of this child. That’s a flat-out ridiculous excuse.

I would never marry someone who told me what he told you. He’s basically – not even basically, he is definitely – telling you that he WILL either be cheating or divorcing you in the future. There is no way that anyone can be expected to maintain a youthful body forever. Even if you continued to work out for hours a day and dieted, etc, gravity will take its toll and things will start sagging, you’ll develop wrinkles, your body shape will change…unless you want to have multiple plastic surgeries there is no way aorund this.

Now you have a decision to make. Do you want to live the rest of your life constantly worried about your appearace and paranoid about your husband cheating on you? If you don’t, get out while the getting is good!

Post # 68
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee

If I was with a man that was that pathetically shallow, I would go get a big mac sit my ass on the counch and eat it right in front of him.

 

I would expect the person that I am marrying to love me for me, all the good and all the bad.

Post # 69
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

“What would you do if your husband told you he’d leave if you gained weight?”

This man would never BE my husband. DH and I had a similar conversation (we’re both healthy weights now), and we were happy with each other’s response. If he had said what your Fiance said, I would have ended our relationship. “If you don’t stay, skinny, I’ll cheat/leave you.”

Why would you put up with that?

Post # 70
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

Yeah… sister you need to have some self-respect and leave this man.

Post # 71
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

He’s wasting your time.  You deserve better.  I read this as him *warning* you that he will be looking elsewhere if he *feels* he is no longer attracted to you. What does that mean…if that week he’s not attracted to you then he’s going to find someone else to sleep with?  Who the hell basically tells someone they will cheat on you down the road.  He sounds so superficial…seriously, F him and you will find someone sooo much better. 

Post # 72
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would leave.

I understand that attraction is important, and that it’s a good idea to try to stay healthy and active and for both partners not to “let themselves go” (whether it’s with weight, grooming, clothes, household chores, whatever…) enough that they become unattractive to their spouse. I wouldn’t be thrilled if my fiance gained 100 pounds and I’m sure he wouldn’t be thrilled if I did. But I would still love him and want to be his wife, and vice versa. We all deserve that unconditional love from our spouses. 

I don’t think this is the sort of thing he’s going to age out of, though. My best friend’s dad is totally this guy. He’s in his late sixties and is obsessive about his weight and appearance and has very vocally refused to date anyone above like, a size six and/or fifty years old and/or not totally gorgeous. Needless to say, he’s a very lonely man, since most of the women who meet his stringent requirements aren’t so interested in him – and his late wife spent (and In My Humble Opinion, wasted) an awful lot of time trying to stay acceptable to him. That’s not the way I want to live my life. 

Post # 73
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow what an A-hole dump him.  If he likes young girls what happens when your not a young girl anymore?

Post # 74
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lovesupreme:  i would leave him ASAP!!!! your helping him with his special needs child and all he has to say is if you gain weight i wont be attracted to you. leave him now and find someone that loves you for you and does not have child support and alimony to pay. he thinks some young girl is going to deal with that?!?! he sounds like a selfish pig to me. you deserve way better then that [email protected]# HOLE!

Post # 75
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with what every single bee has said!  It pretty much seems that we are all in agreement that he is definitely not worth your time or your love!!

Post # 76
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If the only thing he loves about you is your appearance you are better off without him.  What if you got hit by a truck and were disfigured?  What if you become disabled and bedridden?  There are million things that could cause your appearance to change in the future, and in most of the cases the last thing you’d need to worry about is whether your husband will leave you over it!  I would not marry or even date a man who was that shallow.

Marriage is for better or for worse, and there is no “out” for weight gain.  Sheesh, I’ve gained some weight over the 10 months since we married, thankfully DH loves me for who I am, not what I look like.  They call it fat & happy for a reason 🙂

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