Post # 1
Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. A cousin of mine is getting married in May. It’s a cousin from my moms side (who has barely called or texted since her passing). I was really excited to be invited until I received the invitation. I was under the impression that the location would be in a large well known city rich with nightlife and history. Unfortunately the destination is now in a small town with nothing to do prior to the rehearsal dinner, or wedding itself. This will be my cousins third marriage and as a result, my Fiance wasn’t invited because they haven’t met him in person. They also said that they needed to keep the costs down. While I understand the cost cutting, attending a wedding without my Fiance isn’t going to be super fun for me.
Another factor is that I run a practice where I see clients on Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays. If I were to attend the wedding, I’d have to cancel two days and I won’t get paid (I’m paid per client, not salaried). While I could take the financial hit, it would be pretty stressful.
In addition, my father and I have a rule: if we cannot attend together, one of us will “represent” our family at events where my mother’s presence would’ve been valued/required. If I don’t go, he will be the family representative. I have no idea what the COVID pandemic will look like two months from now. He is immunocompromised, and within the at risk age group. Non-essential travel is out of the question at this point. I’m worried that this trip will harm him if he were to travel on a plane. If neither one of us attend, my family will hold a grudge.
We haven’t RSVP’d yet and the deadline is early April. If you were me,would you attend the wedding or politely decline?
Post # 2
If you don’t want to go, don’t go. A bride doesn’t want her guests to be wishing they were at home.
Post # 3
Just say no to this wedding for so many reasons, pandemic being the easiest reason.
Post # 4
Well, attendance is never mandatory/required. You don’t need any reason to not go, let alone a “good” reason. It really just isn’t that hard. Do you want to go? If yes, go. If no, don’t go.
As for your “rule”. You know it isn’t actually a rule, right? You can both use your brains and realize that made up rules can be broken if going means risking your life. Why would you even want people who would hold a grudge in your life in the first place?
Post # 5
I wouldn’t go. If they want to hold a grudge over something so ridiculous then let them. A wedding invitation is just that, an invitation not a summons.
And your dad shouldn’t risk his life to attend either. That’s fucking ridiculous. No one needs to represent your family at this wedding. That’s just life. No one can go. No one needs to risk their life or rearrange their life/stress their finances just to go to a wedding.
Post # 6
What country are you in? I’d be surprised if the wedding is still held at the rate things are going. But even if coronavirus weren’t going on, you still have every right to decline.
Post # 7
With all of those factors, I would definitely not attend the wedding. Your dad shouldn’t be either if it would put him at risk. If your family would hold a grudge against him for putting his life before the wedding, they are horrible people.
Post # 8
I’d send a lovely gift from you and your father and your regrets. You are not obligated to attend.
Post # 9
Your father should absolutely not go.
You should not feel obligated to attend as a “representative.” Honestly, it sounds like you won’t be missed. The bride will be happy to have one less plate to pay for, if she cut out your fiance for monetary reasons. It sounds like she invited you and your father as a courtesy.
Send a gift and stay put. It is really important for everyone to avoid large gatherings and restrict nonessential travel. Coronavirus gave you the perfect excuse. Jump on that silver lining.
Post # 10
I think that’s a good point.
I think that I’ll use the pandemic as an excuse.
I know it’s not an actual rule. It has become a custom in my family as a way to honor my late mother. My mother’s side of the family is divided by folks who are kind and folks who aren’t. I don’t want to further alienate myself from the folks who are kind. I do see where you’re coming from and you’re right.
I agree. I think I just wanted validation to feel like I wasn’t being completely unreasonable.
Post # 11
only some of them are like that. I just don’t want to catch flack from them because I decided to not come.
sounds like a good plan.
sad but true. I’ll jump on the COVID as an excuse to not attend train
Post # 12
I don’t think you or your father should go. First, regardless of whether they’ve met him or not, your fiance 100% should have been invited, the fact that they didn’t is very rude, assuming they’re aware you’re engaged. It doesn’t seem like you guys are close anyways, it seems like you’re only feeling obligated to be the “family representative” at the wedding, which isn’t right either. I agree with a PP, send your regrets, and send them a gift from their registry. As for your father, he has a very vaild excuse for not going as well, not to mention the same excuse applies to you. Immunocompromised or not, nobody should be traveling by air unless absolutely necessary. People may be upsest, but they’ll move on.
Post # 13
This! I also would be disheartened to have a guest who was excited until they found out the location wasn’t fun. I don’t want my guests attending my wedding as an excuse to vacation. More so, I don’t want guests who don’t really want to be there. This so why I believe in intimate wedding with those who adore you and want to witness the event. I despise obligatory invitations.
Post # 14
I went to a wedding once without my fiance (bf at the time) and I 100% regretted it! It was incredibly awkward and not fun at all… So i have vowed never to go to an event that he isnt invited too.
I would use covid 19 as an excuse not to go.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t go based off of the Covid 19 reason alone. Which is a solid excuse.