What would you do in my position?

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. A bride doesn’t want her guests to be wishing they were at home.

Post # 3
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee

Just say no to this wedding for so many reasons, pandemic being the easiest reason.

Post # 4
Member
5078 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, attendance is never mandatory/required.  You don’t need any reason to not go, let alone a “good” reason.  It really just isn’t that hard.  Do you want to go?  If yes, go.  If no, don’t go.

As for your “rule”.  You know it isn’t actually a rule, right?  You can both use your brains and realize that made up rules can be broken if going means risking your life.  Why would you even want people who would hold a grudge in your life in the first place?

Post # 5
Member
10548 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t go. If they want to hold a grudge over something so ridiculous then let them. A wedding invitation is just that, an invitation not a summons.

And your dad shouldn’t risk his life to attend either. That’s fucking ridiculous. No one needs to represent your family at this wedding. That’s just life. No one can go. No one needs to risk their life or rearrange their life/stress their finances just to go to a wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
2102 posts
Buzzing bee

What country are you in? I’d be surprised if the wedding is still held at the rate things are going. But even if coronavirus weren’t going on, you still have every right to decline.

Post # 7
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

With all of those factors, I would definitely not attend the wedding. Your dad shouldn’t be either if it would put him at risk. If your family would hold a grudge against him for putting his life before the wedding, they are horrible people.

Post # 8
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’d send a lovely gift from you and your father and your regrets. You are not obligated to attend. 

Post # 9
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Your father should absolutely not go.

You should not feel obligated to attend as a “representative.” Honestly, it sounds like you won’t be missed. The bride will be happy to have one less plate to pay for, if she cut out your fiance for monetary reasons. It sounds like she invited you and your father as a courtesy.

Send a gift and stay put. It is really important for everyone to avoid large gatherings and restrict nonessential travel. Coronavirus gave you the perfect excuse. Jump on that silver lining. 

Post # 12
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I don’t think you or your father should go. First, regardless of whether they’ve met him or not, your fiance 100% should have been invited, the fact that they didn’t is very rude, assuming they’re aware you’re engaged. It doesn’t seem like you guys are close anyways, it seems like you’re only feeling obligated to be the “family representative” at the wedding, which isn’t right either. I agree with a PP, send your regrets, and send them a gift from their registry. As for your father, he has a very vaild excuse for not going as well, not to mention the same excuse applies to you. Immunocompromised or not, nobody should be traveling by air unless absolutely necessary. People may be upsest, but they’ll move on.

Post # 13
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2020

View original reply
Ellak30 :  This! I also would be disheartened to have a guest who was excited until they found out the location wasn’t fun. I don’t want my guests attending my wedding as an excuse to vacation. More so, I don’t want guests who don’t really want to be there. This so why I believe in intimate wedding with those who adore you and want to witness the event. I despise obligatory invitations.

Post # 14
Member
626 posts
Busy bee

I went to a wedding once without my fiance (bf at the time) and I 100% regretted it! It was incredibly awkward and not fun at all…  So i have vowed never to go to an event that he isnt invited too.

I would use covid 19 as an excuse not to go.

Post # 15
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I wouldn’t go based off of the Covid 19 reason alone. Which is a solid excuse.

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