(Closed) What would you do in my situation? Babies, adopt?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d do a surrogate or adopt.  It isn’t worth the risk to your health IMO. 

Post # 17
Member
2624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I agree with most PP that only you know the answer to that and you are the one who knows what your heart wants and what is best for your family.

I did want to say that one of my college professors had horrible Type I diabetes and didn’t want to have children who suffered the way she did. Her and her husband decided to adopt. They now have 3 children, all via adoption. I have seen pictures and they are absolutely perfect together. 

I think any path you choose is the right one.

I’m sorry about what you’re going through, too. That sounds horrible. Just make sure to take care of yourself smile

Post # 18
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

FutureMrsW621 :  Bee I so sorry yo hear all this. All I can suggest is get your tubes tided or you hubby get  a vasectomy so you guys dont risk your health further in case of unplanned preg.. and adopt 1 for now and then take it from there. 

Post # 20
Member
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

For me, it would be simple to make the decision to adopt. I have zero desire to be pregnant or go through childbirth and I wouldn’t want to risk my health to have those experiences when I could just adopt. 

Post # 21
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

As a mother of four, I think that being able to enjoy your children and live a long and happy life with them trumps biology.

Post # 22
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Personally there is NO way I would risk a 60% chance of going through that! I also don’t see adoption as a second-rate option or anything. In fact I’m thinking to adopt even with no known health issues. I just feel like there are so many children who need a home already, why would I NOT go that route?

Post # 23
Member
438 posts
Helper bee

Personally, I would adopt. I am of the opinion family is about way more than sharing genetics. I would always chose to have a healthier life with adopted children versus the significant chance of worsening a serious illness. There are many options for adoption with beneifits and risks of their own. My best suggestion from having known quite a few people who adopted is to find a good agency if you chose to adopt. While you can do private adoption with just a lawyer, an agency has a multitude of resources to support you and help you through the process. Best of luck!

Post # 24
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Can you not get a surrogate? 

Post # 25
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

since you ask what I would do, I would 100% risk my health to have a baby… im infertile and its hell but I would die without a second thought to give the son I already have a sibling

I most likely will die young anyway and as someone raised by one parent I see that in no way ‘distroying’ a life to only have 1 parent, he has no cousins and we are a very small family so once we are gone he will be alone family wise and giving him someone he can grow up with, who understands him on that level (lets face it no one understands the ‘crazy’ of your childhood/family like a sibling does) and who has a much better chance of being in his life for a long time after we are gone is totally worth it

im personally uncomfortable with adopting, I know the heartbreaking other side of it… Ive watched a few people im close to have to give up their loved babies for a varity of reason (domestic abuse, homelessness, health issue) and they NEVER get over it and its not just them its future sibling and even extrended family members that suffer too, many have tried to get them back once they are stable but once adoption processes have started there is often no going back and thats it – I couldnt live with myself knowing I exploited someones misfortunes and took their baby

fostering is another option if you want to help children that are stuck in that gap but rarely do you get to ‘keep’ a foster child

Post # 26
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

My first choice’d be surrogacy, second adoption. As someone who’s been through pregnancy and delivery it is so taxing on the body and I still have remnant nerve pain in my wrists from pregnancy even though I’m healthy. I don’t know how it’d affect you but it’s important to think about the quality of life you’d be giving your kid if you were wheelchair-bound.

Post # 27
Member
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you should talk to a few different doctors to get some medical advice.  (reading things off the internet always make whatever mild issue I have sound like deadly cancer- not saying what you are reading is false, but I’d still talk to some doctors).

Based on what the doctors say, I think you and your partner would need to weigh the pregnancy experience against whatever health issues could arise.  If what you are reading now is likely in your case, I would adopt.

Post # 28
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

If I were in your shoes, I would use a surrogate.  I know that there are so many wonderful kids who need parents, but I’ve seen way too many tv shows about adopted children looking for their biological moms to ever be one hundred percent comfortable with adopting.  Call me selfish, but I would hate to raise a child who still longed to meet the mother who had abandoned him/her.   

Post # 29
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

As a child of adoption myself, I am always thrilled when couples choose to build their families in this manner. I love being adopted and my parents are my parents whether we share blood or not!

Post # 30
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If I were you I wouldn’t get pregnant due to the risk of being disabled when a baby and toddler can place a large physical toll on a mom.  If you absolutely must have one of your own surrogacy is an option but so is adoption but the bright side of adoption is that you will literally make a dramatic life altering positive effect on a child who needs, wants and hopes for such a love.  It’s a tough choice but I’m certain you and your partner will pick the best choice for you both!

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