(Closed) What would you do in this situation? – lovely family drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Build it… and they will come…

 

Stop asking people’s opinions. Plan the wedding, send out invites. Can you imagine your parents trying to explain to people that they missed your wedding because it was a whole hour away? They won’t do that. Just have it where you want it.

Post # 5
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ugh, favoritism, how cute. But it’s true, you can’t please everyone. And it sounds like people may just be getting a kick out of watching you try.

If they seriously don’t go over something as silly as a 1 hour drive then they will have to explain to all their friends and family why they did something so cruel and hurtful to you on your wedding day.

You still have a lot of time, try and show them you’re willing to compromise by looking at venues where they want you to look. Then choose what you really want. If people want to have temper tantrums about it they can stay home and pout while you have a great time at your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t change it again. If they can’t make it, oh well shiny bell. You are going to drive yourself insane.  Christmas shopping isn’t going to take up their lives so much where they can’t dedicate a freaking day towards a wedding.

Mr. Tattoo’s mother said she didn’t like our new date and I told her that we would be sorry if she couldn’t come, but we weren’t changing it. She threw a fit for about a week but now is being uber nice and saying she can’t wait to come.

They are probably being a pain because they know they can walk all over you. Tell your Fiance no. it’s not happening. If they can’t drive a freaking hour (some people sit in traffic longer than that every freaking day) then they obviously don’t want to be there. And if they don’t, tell them to let you know now so you can replace them with people who do want to be there.

Post # 7
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m a little confused.  Are both of your immediate families in the same area?  When you say “just over an hour for other family” and “in the middle of everyone.”  Do you mean “everyone” as in all your guests?  Or all of your family?

I tend to agree with Moja Milosc – plan what you want and they will be there.

But if it’s also a case where all of your immediate family is in the same location, then it would sort of make sense to have it there too.

Post # 9
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just ignore them and plan your wedding. If they say anything just give them the “that’s for the input” answer and move on. 

My parents and his gave us tons of grief about different locations and how far some of the places were. Too bad now they’re having to get on a plane and fly to another location! I got so sick of everyone expecting us to change our plans, they already had their weddings!

Post # 10
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Miss Tattoo: @Moja Milosc: agree with both you ladies.

Do what you want and tell them to shut up and get over it.

Your money, your choice.  They can just deal!  (And yes, I HAVE said this to my mother who tries to bully, blackmail, etc me into doing what SHE wants.  Fortunately, I can turn to my Fiance and say “you deal with her” and he DOES.  Of course… he doesn’t really like her, either! LOL!)

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Personally, if I was in the same situation, I would change it if it wasn’t my dream venue and I couldn’t find something else.  I would also make it clear they were hurting my feelings by saying the distance is too far considering the flying to cousin’s wedding, the driving to meet steps, etc… and I would ask that they watch what they say going forward.  But I also chose a venue 3 min from my house so it would be super convenient for me.

But there isn’t really favortism in my family so in your situation, I wouldn’t move it if you love it and don’t worry about how they will get there or who is driving with who.

Post # 12
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly? I got complaints from family (including my stepmom, who I love tremendously!) about my venue being an hour way. I told them that I could have it really I want to have it (in Vermont, I’m in NJ) and they REALLY freaked. Then I said that if they really didn’t want to travel that distance, then I’d miss them.

Now, they’re super excited about everything and are planning on making multiple trips to the venue the week before to bring all of our decor up!

It’s your wedding, your money… so it’s your choice. There’s nothing wrong with that, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Post # 13
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh wow. An hour is not far at all. All of our family is having to drive 10 hrs. He and I both live where we didn’t grow up. His are in Illinois, mine in Alabama. They better thank goodness it’s only an hour. Dude, you should totally act like you planning it in like Florida, or SC, or somewhere far far away, then act like your changing it to the hour away location for them, after some arm twisting. Then they will feel lucky!!! Kinda like In 9th grade when I had to tell my mom I made a D….so I told her I was preggy, then told her I was totally joking, it was only a D!!! LOL!!! I thought she was going to wring my neck :O 

Post # 14
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just plan your wedding and ignore people. I know how it is. My Future In-Laws claim they will not be coming to our wedding for a mutlitude of reasons, one of which is the 2 hours they will have to drive. News flash, my family has to drive too, and I have elderly grandparents close to the wedding, and they don’t. They will be there though, because it is their son’s wedding. Just do what makes you happy, and let other people decide if they will behave like adults. Good Luck.

Post # 16
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Aw, dearest, hugs to you! I’m sorry that you’ve got the deal with this crap!

As many a PP have said.. it’s your wedding and it’s your decision! if they can’t be bothered to drive an hour than you don’t want them there or in your life for that matter.

I’m not saying this is mature, but have you ‘threatened’ them back? Bring up eloping or having a destination wedding.. in alaska… that usually shuts my mom up! or you can tell her she’ll never see her hypothetical grandchildren!  

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