(Closed) What would you do in this situation?

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Moving before you have a job just to be w/ your new husband
    I'd stay behind, live for free, and make sure i can find the best and most secure job I can : (45 votes)
    65 %
    I would NEVER let him move without me. Where he goes, I go. I know I'd find SOMETHING : (22 votes)
    32 %
    Neither : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Yes – I would do the same.  I think being in a no-job situation would be a HUGE risk factor for your new marriage – causing all sorts of stress for both of you (and potentially affect his performance in school).  And, the great thing is that as soon as you find a job in the new area, you could move.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    When will your Fiance be deciding on what school he attends? The second he says yes, I’d start applying for jobs in the desired area. Hopefully, you could get hired and move right along, but if not, I think I would do the LDR, provided you don’t think it’s going to stretch into something that takes months and months.

    It will probably be sucky, but it won’t be permanent, and you’ll still be seeing him at least on weekends. I think you’re regret it more if you move and end up in a sucky job vs. being LDR for a bit and getting a better job.

    It does sound like you have a hectic summer coming up, but remember, this too shall pass!

    Post # 6
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I fully believe that part of being a team in a marriage is doing what is necessary and best for the both of you as a family. Sometimes it requires situations that arent necessarily the easiest. It sounds like you have a good head on your  shoulders and that you know what the responsible thing to do is. In answer to your question, I would most definitely do the same. it would suck but I would for sure do exactly what it sounds like you two have planned. its never anyone’s desire to be in a LDR but sometimes its how things work out. Im sorry you are being faced with such a tough situation 🙁 but it sounds like you two are really being smart about how this should all work out.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Can you start applying for jobs now? That way by the time you get married you might already have something lined up

    Post # 8
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It’s great you are thinking clearly and not just jumping into any situation. My sister was in a similar situation (although not with the moving or LDR). Her husband quit his job as he was HATING it and had just received his MBA so he was hoping to get a better job. He thought he would find a new job within a month or two of quitting. My sister was pregnant at the time, took her maternity leave, and then quit to take care of the baby. Well, it turns out her husband did not find another job for about 9 months. They had savings that they lived off of, but obviously they had not planned to use their savings. Now knowing it took him so long to find another job, he never would have quit his other one. With the economy the way that it is, you really never know how long it could take to find another job.

    Post # 10
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would absolutely do the same thing you are planning.

    Start applying for new jobs as soon as he commits to a school and hopefully none of this will matter.  But I would never quit a job in this economy without another one lined up (especially if it was going to mean Darling Husband and I had ZERO income).

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I think you’re being really smart. And I know it’s going to be tough to be apart, especially in the beginning of your marriage. But it sounds like it will provide so much peace of mind, which you’ll be thankful for in the future.

    And who knows? It may not take as long as you think to find a good job wherever you Fiance ends up. Hang in there hun!

    Post # 13
    Member
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @MrsDrRose612:  I honestly think you’ll be ok with the game plan you have in your head.  I know it’s not ideal – but he’s going to be busy, too, with school!  I think the more you can embrace the temporary nature of not being in the same place 7 days a week, the easier it will be emotionally.  2 months into our marriage, my mom had a fall and I had to be her sole caretaker.  DH and I were still sleeping under the same roof every night, but I barely saw him and he was usually asleep by the time I came home and left for work before I got up.  It sucked, but we knew it was a temporary thing and that made all the difference.  It was NOT how I envisioned my first few months of being married, but it was part of our story – as this will be for you and your husband.  

    Post # 15
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @MrsDrRose612:  Yeah, I know it’s not the “typical” start to marriage that you usually think about, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it into your own kind of first newlywed year. You guys sound like a really strong couple, and I think it’ll be really worth it. Are you going on a honeymoon? (Sorry, can’t remember if you’ve posted about that before.)

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