Post # 1
So my Fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years. We do have an almost 2 year old son, and shortly after our son was born my Fiance asked me to marry him. I said yes. We knew we’d have to save for a while before we got married, so we decided to set a date of April 20, 2013 (last weekend) Well, that obviously didn’t happen. We cancelled the wedding in December, because we couldn’t afford anything, we haven’t saved at all. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to start to save. My Fiance is EXTREMELY frivolous with money. He works as a bartender so he makes tips every night along with being paid twice a month. Instead of saving money, he buys constantly. He always has something he wants. He has bought an iPad, a touch screen computer, countless video games. Basically there is $2500 he could have used toward a wedding, but no. I haven’t saved becuause i’m busy paying all our bills, and the money i have left over after that goes to things we need, like groceries. I honestly feel like we’ll never get married. he doesn’t want a wedding. he wants to get married at the courthouse, but i don’t. how do i make him realize that he needs to stop being so selfish.
Post # 3
It sounds like you two need to sit down and discuss your budget and spending habbits. You both need to be on the same page.
Figure out how much needs to go to bills (including food and gas) and how much into a general savings. Then figure out how much each person is going to contribute. Are you going to have 100% joint accounts or would each person maintain their own but contribute X% to shared household expenses? Depending on what you do, it’s might not a bad idea to give each person a monthly allowance to spend how each person wants.
Once you figure out your overall living expenses and your budget, you can figure out what to do about the wedding.
Also, definitely do not call him selfish. While it is selfish of him to spend all of the extra money on himself it’s equally selfish to demand it be spent on something you want.
Post # 5
@busybride215: I think you need to sit down and have a candid conversation about life goals, finances, responsiblities, etc. It doesn’t sound like he is serious about supporting his family if he is going out and buying all sorts of toys and you’re the only one paying bills. Even if you don’t have a wedding & end up getting married at the courthouse, that is only one day you don’t have to worry about. You still have to get yourselves on the same page & be able to save for your family’s future.
Once you’ve had a serious discussion & established some specific goals (buying a house, saving X amount of money, etc.), you can sit down with a financial advisor and they can teach you different tools for saving money & becoming more accountable. You can also look for finance awareness/responsibility classes put on by local churches or community colleges.
Post # 6
Really, you’re both being selfish. You want the $2500 for a wedding, he wants a new tablet and games. Not selfish would be saying you want that $2500 for your son’s college fund. Honestly, I’d be concerned that neither of you have been able to save a significant amount money in 2 years. I’d sit down with him, and figure out what your long term and short term goals are, make a budget together and stick to it.
Post # 7
If you are going to marry this man, you two definately need to get on the same page and discuss how you want to spend your money – as a family, not his and hers.