(Closed) What would you do in this situation?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll:
    Bite the bullet and go for it. The bill collectors will understand and besides, she's your bestie! : (34 votes)
    29 %
    Respectfully decline, but offer to treat her to a mani-pedi and dinner at her fave restaurant. : (61 votes)
    51 %
    Other, please explain : (24 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1134 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    hmm thats tough! I would probally talk to her first, and let her know my concerns. Its an honor to be choosen to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and that means that your BFF wants you to be her support for the wedding. Even if your supporting thru emails and phone calls by offering opinions, i would do it.

    As far as money goes, you dont have to spend a ton of money to be a Maid/Matron of Honor. The dress yes, but with my girls, as far as parties go, we are keeping it cheap and spilting costs.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    If you truly cannot handle it financially, then you will be stressed out about the money during the whole process… and if you are stressed out about money, it may show. And then the bride will be disappointed/stressed out because you’re stressed and not having a good time. And none of that is any good!!!! If she’s a true friend she will totally understand and want what is best for you!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’d express to her that I still want to be her Maid/Matron of Honor but that I have some concerns. I would ask for her help and understanding to try to work it out so I could still be Maid/Matron of Honor.

    Post # 6
    Member
    838 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    @Aquaria:  If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. It really isn’t that hard of a decision for me. I believe in priorities in life.

    Food

    shelter

    electricity/gas/water

    car

    then WAYYYYY down that list is someone’s party. Like almost on the bottom

    Post # 7
    Member
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Agree with Djones.  I would never ever compromise my finances to be a Maid/Matron of Honor, not even for my BFF.  

    If she is asking me to be Maid/Matron of Honor, that must mean she values my friendship and support of her marriage and her future.  I will still always be there for her when someone is sick, she needs a sitter, or she wants to hide a body.  That kind of friendship and support is far more important than me going in debt to be in a wedding.  If she is my BFF, she will support MY decision to not be MOH!

    Post # 8
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @Aquaria:  I would discuss it with her. I know my bridal party is going to have a hard time affording everything for the wedding so I am covering the cost of the dress and paying for half of the hotel rooms. They are paying hair, nails and makeup which they can do themselves if they choose. I would rather cover a portion of the price so I can have them. They can’t be here during the process but I like having them there for support over calls too.

    Post # 9
    Member
    911 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

    You should talk to her. I am paying for all my girls dresses bc I knew that it would be a burden for some of them to, and also they are all having to travel to my wedding. 

    If I were the bride in this situation, I would help out anyway I could. Also, as Maid/Matron of Honor, you can control the budget for some auxiliary things like the shower or bachelorette. It doesn’t have to break the bank!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would talk to my friend.  Explain to her my financial situation, but that I wanted to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and ask if there was a way to make it work for both of us.  If someone is truly your friend, then you find a way that works for both of you.  I’m not having any attendents, but if I did and one was having money issues, I’d rather she was honest and to help her with her dress and let her wear a basic shoe she already had than not have her be a part of my day.

    I think the #1 reason behind wedding drama is that people don’t stop and have open and honest communication.

    Post # 11
    Member
    8664 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would talk to her first and find out what exactly you would be responsible for. Many brides are very understanding of their friend’s financial situations.

    Post # 12
    Member
    850 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think you should give her an opportunity to make the offer financially feasible for you. Tell her exactly what your budget could allow (even if that’s $0). If she can’t, you should politely decline.

    Post # 13
    Member
    11270 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    i would respectfully decline.

    Post # 14
    Member
    838 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    @hermom:   >>>I will still always be there for her when someone is sick, she needs a sitter, or she wants to hide a body. <<<


    THOSE my friend are the friends I have and the one I strive to be. None of them would be mad because we couldn’t afford to be in your wedding. I’ll be there with bells on to do the things I can afford, but I don’t need to be in a dress and stand beside you for you to know that I have your back 100000% with everything else. 


    I’ll sit on the floor and force feed you ice cream because ice cream makes everything better. I’ll hold your hair when you’re puking your guts out because you’re pregnant, have the flu or ate bad chinese. I’ll clean your house when you’re not feeling well, I’ll cut your toe nails because you need a pedi. 


    None of that has anything to do with being in a wedding.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I wouldn’t do it if it meant going into debt. Of course I would WANT to be er Maid/Matron of Honor, but if her expectations for her wedding party are so high that you’d go into debt over it, I’m sorry but she needs a reality check. I would take her out to lunch or something and gently break it to her that you’re so happy and excited for her and would love to be a part of her day, but think you are going to have to decline because you just don’t think you can afford to do all of the things she wants her Maid/Matron of Honor to do.

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    8576 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I wouldn’t go into debt over it, that’s for sure.

    I would discuss it with her, letting her know that I would LOVE to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, but it was financially a bad time for me – I just didn’t have the money.

    Most brides would try to work with their Maid/Matron of Honor, I know I would for sure. If my Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t afford her dress, I would either buy it for her and let her make payments, or just gift her the dress .

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