Post # 1
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
Hi Bees!
So
FI’s cousin just got engaged, and she’s about to send through the STD’s out for a July wedding.
FIs not super close to his cousins, and they all seem to invite eachother as a bit of a “i was invited to yours, so you’re invited to mine” deal – like, she’s invited to our wedding in August, but Fiance and her aren’t close.
Problem is, it’s mid-week, on the other side of the country. Would require taking 2 days off work for travel time
Can we afford it? Yes. But I am a contractor, and if I take 2 days off work I lose $1000 before tax, a month before our wedding. So it’ll eat into savings at a time we need to be saving it, not to mention the cost to actually get there and back (about $2k)
In any other circumstance, I would probably just take one for the wedding-team and have to sit it out. But, In a crazy twist of fortune she’s actually the lead singer of my favourite band. They’re pretty famous (their songs have charted in Australia and parts of Europe).
I barely know her from a bar of soap. As in, Fiance and I have been together for 5 years and I only met her for the first time a few months ago when they toured to our city. But she is a really really lovely girl. But, Is it bad that aside from genuinely loving FI’s family and wanting to share this with them, there’s a little part of me that’s excited for the future bragging rights? Like when her song comes on the radio I can say “guess what I totally went to her wedding. Don’t believe me? here’s pictures”….
What would you do? Would you bite the bullet and go?
Post # 2
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
Are these bragging rights worth $1000+ to you? Only you know your budget and how much the amount of money actually means to you: to some people $1000 is a nice dinner out and to others that is their annual entertainment budget. The good thing is she will still be his cousin after your weddings so there may be still be opportunities to hang out.
Post # 3
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
sbl99 : you’re best “out” here is to apologetically tell her that while you would have loved to be there for her big day, due to the expenses of your own wedding and the nature of your income, it would be too difficult. Most people will understand, particularly a cousin to your fiance that isn’t all that close.
Post # 4
Member
23 posts
Newbee
I wouldn’t go because I wouldn’t spend any money (unless I was so well off it wouldn’t make any dent in my budget, which isn’t the case since the amounts you mentioned are astronomical to me) to attend the wedding of someone I barely know. I don’t care about bragging rights either so…no on all counts.
It’s really up to you if you feel like it’s worth it to keep into the circle of “you went to ours so we’re going to yours” kind of obligation and to have bragging rights to say you’ve been to this singer’s wedding. The fact that you describe it as “biting the bullet” makes me think it’s probably not worth it.
Post # 5
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
“Oh, she’s my cousin” is better bragging rights than being a wedding guest.
Post # 6
Member
6289 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Bragging rights wouldn’t be worth the expense to me
Post # 7
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
Are she and her future husband invited to your wedding? Would you be a bit salty if they didn’t come to your wedding? I would use that as the bar. If you couldn’t care less that they attend your wedding I’d politely decline. If you’d be hurt that they weren’t planning on attending yours I’d make the effort and spend the money. What she does for a living ( as cool as it is ) wouldn’t play a part in my decision….
sbl99 :
Post # 8
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
I understand that you’re probably saving pretty heavily for your own wedding, but if it means that much to you to go, you can pinch a bit more out of your budget now to save for a flight so your days off won’t be as detrimental to your own wedding. July is still a good period of time away. I think that should be your bar: If you have to restrict yourself a bit more now in order to make the cost doable, is that worth it?
Post # 9
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: July 2020 - City, State
My first reaction to your post is that you’ll feel you’ve missed out if you don’t attend. But of course, you cannot spread yourself too thin. If it’s doable, I say go and have a blast!
Post # 10
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
I wouldn’t go for bragging rights. Only for fun.
Not to sound catty but seriously… It isn’t like you going to her wedding would be your legacy at your funeral. No one will ever REALLY care about that small piece of information if you went. Atleast I wouldn’t? I would think wow… interesting… then quickly move on to other thoughts. That is just me though.
Post # 11
Member
3846 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Bragging rights only work if the person you’re sharing the news with cares at all about the information you’re sharing.
I wouldn’t go as it’s inconvenient to your schedule and would cost extra money, on top of the money you gotta spend getting out there and attending the wedding, plus whatever gift you plan on getting. Besides if you’re set on having bragging rights, she’s also invited to your wedding, so maybe you can just brag about that.
Post # 12
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
I don’t attend weddings of people I’m not close to or out of obligation and I definitely don’t attend weddings that’ll cost me my whole vacation budget to attend As for her being famous, stuff like that doesn’t really matter to me so that wouldn’t even factor into my decision. Are we close , can I afford it, and does this fit into my schedule, are the questions I ask myself before I rsvp to a wedding.
Post # 13
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
Here’s the thing… I wouldn’t go for bragging rights but would I go to the wedding of my favourite band’s singer if I was invited… yeah! But that has more to do with the fact that I respect their art and what they do. Maybe I would hope they would sing. I don’t care about telling tons of people, particularly if the group is not well known. It would be a personal decision.
Having said that, if anyone here was Beyoncé’s cousin, I think everyone would go and probably for bragging rights. You say you genuinely love the group so I would understand it if you went. But if your going just for the bragging rights, you should probably just sit it out.
Post # 14
Member
9932 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I would not give two shits about someone else going to a famous person’s wedding. And I think it’s a little cringey that you’d go primarily for that reason.
I’d send a nice gift and call it a day.
Post # 15
Member
2369 posts
Buzzing bee
I would actually enjoy being at a celebrity’s wedding. If it were me, I would rebudget that part of the $1000 I would miss, and go to the wedding.
I am 63, and probably have a different POV at this point. I would remember that wedding and all it entails, and a stray $1000, not so much.