(Closed) What would you do? (issues with older brother)

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do?
    Ignore him. If he has truly changed he will still be changed 6 months from now. Give it time. : (7 votes)
    54 %
    Start talking to him again. : (3 votes)
    23 %
    Other! : (3 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 3
    2963 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Does he know where you live? If not, I might send an e-mail via an e-mail account like from yahoo or g-mail. And have several “conversations” via e-mail. But based on his past history, I would be very, very, cautious.

    The reason why I say this is because my FH used to be a drug addict (he has been clean and sober now for 19 years!) and he tells me how I definitely would not have liked him the way he was before he got clean. So obviously people can and do change.

    Just be very very careful. Do not open yourself to him too quickly.

    Post # 4
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I have experienced something similar. I firmly believe that people are complete strangers to us when they are under the influence and as long as they are using they remain strangers who treat us like anyone on the street. They can’t be trusted and I totally understand you putting your foot down and not allowing yourself to be used anymore. 

    That said, I think that the ultimate goal for families in this situation is to see the addicted person get clean, make amends, and become a part of the family again–only under the condition that he remains clean.  The get clean part is all on him, but he can’t make amends and become a part of the family again unless the family is willing to let him reach out. 

    I think you should contact him in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. For me, I wouldn’t be able to do it in person because my brother can play me like a violin and I do not think clearly–and therefore do not stick to my original intentions! I would contact him in some “safe” way (phone, email) so you can work up to face to face meetings. He needs to know UP FRONT that you will only continue to reach out if he is clean. End of story. 

    So I support reaching out in a “be careful” way. Until you reach out you will never know if he is clean. One thing to remember…DO NOT GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. If you suspect something isn’t right with him, you are probably right! Trust your gut. 


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