(Closed) What would you do? [Long, but with commas and paragraphs! Lol]

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do if you were me?
    Let it go, and forget it - it's just weed, and it's nice that your SO and bro get along : (8 votes)
    5 %
    Let it go for now, but make sure he knows how much his betrayals have hurt : (17 votes)
    10 %
    Yell at him, and give him a wake-up call. It is NOT OKAY to do this! : (9 votes)
    6 %
    Seriously consider whether this fault could unravel your relationship : (43 votes)
    27 %
    Do a trial separation, let him know this won't be tolerated : (22 votes)
    14 %
    Break it off and leave him in the dust, he's a liar : (56 votes)
    35 %
    Why did you even make that request in the first place??? : (7 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    9951 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    FACT – Druggies (or worse Addicts) don’t make good Husbands !!

    (Been there, done that… got the Divorce !!)

    That is it, that is all.

    You have to decide IF that is the pond you wish to fish in to find the Man you’ll spend the rest of your life with.

    It doesn’t sound like it is…

    I have dated two different guys (each over 2 years) who both started out as heavy social drinkers, moved to weed, which changed to constant weed-smoking, and eventually (in BOTH situations) evolved to hidden heavy drug use. Cocaine was used by both of them. I ended those relationships, and after the second one ended I really though to myself “OKAY, I’m clearly going after the wrong type of guy… new strategy needed!”

    HELLO…

    Say what you want (you too are making excuses / enabling)

    New Guy… LOOKS A LOT LIKE THE OLD GUYS !!

    Drugs suck… they can truly “take away” the person you are in love with.

    It is worse when you take the person you are in Love with (and look up to) and they are corrupting your little Brother.

    EVEN THO you have REPEATEDLY asked him not to.

    He’s smoking dope, he’s lieing to you, he’s leading your Brother astray

    Tell me… How is you see this man as a good partner & good role model / father figure ?

    No rush… I can wait.

    Ya, didn’t think so.

    Your head sounds screwed on right… you just haven’t figured out that 1+1 should equal 2

    You need A PARTNER you can DEPEND ON. 

    YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS MAN

    YOU DESERVE BETTER !!

    Cut him lose… and then get a hold of the following book (buy it) by Dr Phil, so you can sit down and fill out the Quizes to figure out WHO YOU ARE… WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE… HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN… and WHAT KIND OF MAN would go well WITH YOUR PLANS.

    Dr Phil’s – Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got

    Right now, I’d say you need to cut bait, and start over.

    You need to embrace the REAL YOU…

    Maybe even seek out a little one-on-one counselling for a “tune up” to see WHY it is you’ve been prone to only pick the Bad Boys…

    When you have all that on track (who you are) it will easier to attract someone who also knows who they are, and are acting more responsibly too.

    This guy ain’t it.

    (sorry)


    Post # 48
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My little brother died of a drug overdose just over a month ago.  If I had any suspicions much less the confirmation that you had, that my SO was enabling my brother and keeping drugs in both their lives, I’d have dropped his ass so fast his head would have been spinning.  No way in hell…don’t care how long I’d been with SO.  

    Drugs are scary and pot is a gateway drug. I know it was for my brother. Please, please ditch the boyfriend, tell your parents, and try to get your brother some help.  I pray you won’t have to get the horrible phone call from your crying father say the cops showed up at the door because your brother is dead.  Please, please dump the enabler SO.

    Post # 50
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    This doesn’t sound like a big deal to me, but I can tell it feels like one to you.  I don’t see either one of you changing those behaviors, so maybe you’re just not compatible.  Weed is really not a big deal.  Lying is.  I understand why he might think it’s worth lying about, because it’s not anything heavy, he’s not doing anything wrong, and he doesn’t want to upset you.  It seems like you guys really can’t find a middle ground on this.  I think you should try and compromise, and if you can’t, find someone whose lifestyle is a better fit for you.

    Post # 51
    Member
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I’m glad you’ve decided to work it out. It doesn’t sound to me like it has to be a relationship changer. My sibling sounds JUST like your SO- when he really wants to do something but knows his wife will flip ( sometimes justified sometimes not) he does it anyways and asks for forgiveness later. He hates confrontation! Reading your post I can understand why you would not want your SO to “involve” your brother but you can’t involve someone in something they don’t want to do. Your brother has to be the one to make that choice for himself and you throwing down the gauntlet with your SO over it probably isn’t the hill you want to die on. Especially since it’s not the smoking you are mad about. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @KhaleesiStormborn: I just wanted to comment because I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation with my current Fiance.  He used to smoke pot ALL THE TIME in college.  I was never that into it because it just made me sleepy and I would prefer to have a few drinks instead.  Anyways, as long as he was doing everything he needed to do in school and in our relationship it didn’t bother me.

    Then, when he moved back into my home town after he graduated I realized that pot had become too much of a priority for him.  The straw that broke the camels back was when I asked if he wanted to hang out on the night we usually hung out during the week and he said, “You can come over if you want to smoke, but I’m probably just doing that and then going to bed.”  Ummm…no. I’m not going to date someone who prefers smoking than hanging out with me.  So i told him that and we talked about him smoking pot less and he did a great job.

    Then, one day I saw a text on his phone (didn’t even open it, his texts would flash on his screen) saying something along the lines of “you down to smoke tomorrow?”  It wasn’t a big deal because I hadn’t told him he couldn’t smoke anymore, just that it needed to be a once in a while thing, not an everyday thing.  Well, the next morning I said, “Did you see your friend texted you last night?”  He made up something and didn’t meantion the pot at all.

    I had another talk with him and since then he smokes very rarely (I’d say like 6 times a year).  Sometimes more if there is a concert or event with his friends, something to celebrate, or if he’s had a really stressful week or something.  But, I think what helped was me making it clear to him that I wasn’t going to be upset about him smoking, he just needed to be honest about it.  That way, he was never afraid after that to mention it if he was going out with friends and they would probably smoke.

    Could you maybe make any compromises about him smoking/ talking to your brother?  The last thing it didn’t even sound like he was trying to smoke with your brother just trying to get a dealers number.  

    Anyways the point of the post was my Fiance lied to me about pot before and we had a long discussion and now there is no lying, he lets me know if he wants to smoke and I don’t really have an issue with him doing it.  Unlike what some of the pp’s said, he isn’t constantly lying about everything.  We were able to get past things and move on.

     

    Post # 53
    Member
    9951 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    To @KhaleesiStormborn:  Thanks for the Update / Reply.

    I re-read your original post as well.

    I see where you say it is your Brother driving the bus… but it isn’t like your SO isn’t a willing passenger.

    But there was a lot more in your initial post than JUST that element… You seemed genuinely upset that your Guy had lied to you and broken your trust but again.

    I wish you well…

    I just hope & pray that “the next time” isn’t in China.

    As that could be one that would put you BOTH in jail for a very long time.

    I NOTE that you are Canadian, as am I.  So I provide the following link for info.  As well you should know that Canadian Officials can do very little for you if you are arrested in a Foreign Country.  As well, Drug Dogs work on smell… they can pick up even the most minute amount of Weed etc.  If there is any “wiff” (trace) it could get you RED FLAGGED by the authorities, in any country you fly thru… all stuff to seriously think about as you prepare to leave the country / fly (and pack / do laundry)

    Dept of Foreign Affairs Canada = http://travel.gc.ca/travelling/health-safety/drugs

    As I say, I wish you well.

    But I seriously think you are still making excuses for the man… and his behaviour

    I get you have time invested in this relationship…

    But you need to realize that he isn’t the ONLY GOOD Man out there… he just is currently the ONLY man you are CHOOSING to be with.

    (( HUGS ))

     

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