- 7 years ago
Hi all! First off, let me just say thank God I found this “waiting” board. I felt like no one else was feeling like I do, but after reading a few threads it seems like some of us (unfortunately) are in the same boat! So, even if you don’t read or comment on this post, this board has already been a huge help! Thank you ladies!!
First off, i have been dating my boyfriend (let’s call him E) for 6.5 years. I’m 26, he’s 27. We met in college, but I followed him to his hometown city after graduation. He had asked me to move in with him but we ended up staying at his parents for a year before I moved out to my own place. I thought he would follow shortly… but it’s 3 years later and he’s still at his parents. To his credit, he works a stressful job in finance and although he is salaried + commission now, at the end of this year, he goes to commission only and may not make that much (there is also the possibility that he could lose his job at any time before then). I have a good, stable job and have offered to pay part of his rent, but he says he doesn’t want me to have to do that. He worries what would happen if I lost my job, etc.
I’ve been hoping for a proposal for nearly two years now. A few years he went to Europe for a month, and when he got back he told his best friend he did want to marry me and may ask soon. I’m not sure what happened but a few months later when I brought it up, he said he does want to get engaged, just everytime he’s close to doing it, something happens and it gets messed up. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, i brought it up… he again cited $ issues with moving in together. I said “i just want to get engaged!!” and explained again how I want a loooong engagement (ideally 3 years, but not willing to really do any less than 2) and then want 2 years before having kids. He also says he wants kids at 30, so obviously my timeline puts us past that and the sooner he proposes, the closer we can get to his timeline. He said he didn’t have the $10K for a ring (his chosen #, not mine), and i just told him to get me a fake one – that i didn’t care. He said, “no, you’re getting a real one, because you’re real.” Before that, he’s told me that if I want to buy my own ring, we can get engaged immediately — I took that as a joke, however. As far as I know, he hasn’t saved a penny for a ring!
Two days ago, he called me at work and asked me if I was coming over that night (he does this nearly every day) and I said no, that we needed to talk about that. I didn’t want to discuss it then but it just came spilling out. I said I could no longer carry my duffel bag like a homeless person over to his parents every day, that we needed to move in together. Again, he says he isn’t ready. I ask him if its because he questions “us” or if it’s a financial decision, because I can wait and would understand if it’s about $ but not otherwise. He says after being together his long, I should know why it is and that he didn’t need to explain. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and we got off the phone. 30 minutes later, he called to say sorry.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. I feel resentment towards him and I feel like at this point, it’s just damaging our relationship and things aren’t going to get better. I’m beginning to question if it’s best if I just walk away and have one big heartbreak and get over him versus this mini heartbreaks every day. I’ve never doubted our relationship but every time we have a discussion re: engagement/marriage/kids it seems like nothing gets accomplished. I have heard 10 different reasons for waiting over the last two years. I know he really wants to have his career more settled before making a commitment, but that doesn’t make it any easier on me. There is no set time when his career will be fine. Even his mom has been telling him that if she had a daughter who spent 7 years with a guy and he could not commit… she’d tell her daughter to leave.