(Closed) What would you do? (Moving in question, sorry it's long) Please Help!!

posted 5 years ago in Home
  • poll: What should we do bees?
    Allow her to move into the third room. : (3 votes)
    10 %
    Give her the couch. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Don't do it!! (Explain why bellow) : (27 votes)
    87 %
    I have another suggestion! (Explain below) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3211 posts
    Sugar bee

    @amallama:  I wouldn’t allow her to move in. Moving in with SO and adding two kids is going to be a big adjustment. Adding a random girl as your housemate will be difficult!!! Instead of living together as SOs, it’ll be like you are all roommates. I think it’ll just make things very complicated. My opinion might be different if the two of you had been living together for a year first, but I think there are too many changes going on at one time. If she wants to move down so bad, she should get her own apartment.

    Edit: After some thought, I decided that if I were in your situation, I wouldn’t let her move in at all. Like others will say, an 18 year old random girl? Too many complications. If she were related to one of you, it would be different, but she’s not.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’d definitely say no. This is going to be a big enough adjustment for you two AND your kids – adding another person to the mix is a terrible idea.

    Post # 5
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No. Roommates are awful, especially when two people in the situation are a couple. Plus, with the kids living with you even part time, there’s no room for her and…just no. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I say don’t let her move in.  If she were someone’s sister or cousin that would be a different story.  

     

    How would you even work out rent?  Plus, it kinda sounds like she is a bit younger than you guys….when she does get a job, she’ll start making friends.  Do you really want a bunch of 18-year-olds hanging out at your house with two small children around?  I think the whole thing could go either way….either it could work out really nicely and she’d move out once she found a few friends in a couple months or you’ll all end up hating each other.

     

    I’m a cynical beast.  I would NEVER allow a friend to move in– that’s the quickest way to ruin any friendship.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I wouldn’t let her move in. I think having to deal with the adjustment of moving in together and your children is enough to worry about. Adding another adult to the mix just doesn’t seem like a good idea.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @MissCalifornia:  

    @vorpalette:  

    I agree with both of these ladies. You’re going through a big enough adjustment, so are the kids, and you simply don’t have the space. I think it’s a bad idea.

    Post # 10
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @amallama:  The hell? Who even suggests this? This is a crazy imposition on her part, suggesting she move in with you.

    I’d would say HELL NO.

    It’s bad enough you’re going to have to get used to blending the family… but adding a stranger into the mix to top it off?

    So weird.

    Don’t do it… the kids and your SO and yourself come first.

    She can visit, but staying with you for a few months?? Uh….

    Post # 11
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Since it sounds like it would be for the very short term (a couple months while her Fiance is away at training), I’d let her move in the the 3rd bedroom.

    Darling Husband and I have had another couple renting a room from us since last August and I’m actually kind of sad that they are moving out last month.  They were more aquaintances than friends when they moved in but they were in a tight spot and needed a place to stay while they worked some things out.  We’ve really gotten to know them a lot better, they’ve been so helpful around the house, and it has been great having them around.

    I think you should give the situation a chance and help her out, especially since it is so short term.

    Post # 12
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I definitely would not let her move in. there isn’t much space for her, and it’s not your job to take care of her even if her home life sucks. And even if youre not concerned, i think an 18 year old female moving in with you guys will probably cause some issues. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    When you say “a few months” what are you thinking realistically?  1, maybe 2, months, or more like 6?  If you’re just helping them out for a month or so, I’d say it would probably be a really nice gesture.  But this could be a slippery slope if one month all of a sudden turns into 3, turns into 6.  Like other PP’s said, it’s going to be a big adjustment for your family and the kids to make without adding the additional stress, inconvenience, awkwardness (or trying to figure out boundaries) of another stranger.

    If her Fiance is just going to be gone “a few months” can’t they find a place together and she just stay there alone until he returns?  I imagine they’d move in together when he gets back if they’re engaged, right? 

    Post # 14
    Member
    846 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    no way in heck would i let her move in. after five years of having roommates i swore i would never do it again. especially with two kids and living with your SO for the first time- no matter how nice she is i would still feel like she was imposing.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I wouldn’t make two step-siblings who have never lived together before, and are different ages/genders, sleep in the same room so that this girl can have her own bedroom.  However, I am always in favor of hearing out the entire situation and seeing if I feel comfortable helping out in any way.  Can you find out exactly how long her fiance (who is a “really close friend” of you and your hubby) is going to be out?  If it’s only, say, two months maximum, and she loves kids and is willing to help out with them, and you guys think she’s great (nice to everyone, pulls her own weight and then some around the house), I’d at least offer the couch.  However, if they can’t nail down the precise amount of time, or it’s going to be longer than 2-3 months, or she isn’t willing to help out with the kids, or for any reason you or your husband feel uncomfortable, then you should probably tell her you’re sorry but you can’t help her out.

    I don’t have kids, but if my best friend or my husband’s best friend’s fiance needed to stay at my 3 bedroom house for a couple months, and they were willing to take responsibility for my dogs while I was at work and kept the house nice and clean, I think I would let them.  Darling Husband and I have had a few roommates in our 7 years together, and we are still close with all of them.

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    16215 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @MadTownGirl:  I was going to say something similar. If it really is one or two months, I think it’s a great way to help out a friend. If two months could turn into six — that’s a life adjustment that you guys shouldn’t have to take on when you’re already adjusting to living together and having the kids around for some of the time.

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