Post # 1
I still have not decided what to do about changing my name. Personally, I would like to just keep it but Fiance thinks it’s weird for us to have different names.
I could replace my middle name with my maiden. When I told my mom this she freaked and said she “spent so much time picking my middle name.” It’s Elizabeth. Really?
I’ve considered hypenating but my name would be 35 letters.
Post # 3
@MrsElopement: I think the best compromise is to change your maiden name to your middle. I considered this as well, but then I realized how an Italian name (mine) and German name (FI’s) just sounded silly together. So, now I’m accepting just his last name. In return, Fiance named his plumbing business after my current last name since I am the last to carry it.
Post # 4
I think you should keep your name until you decide you’re 100% comfortable with changing it. I’ve been married for 6 months and I’m still toying with the idea of whether I’ll change my name or not. In the meantime I’m keeping mine.
I personally don’t like when women drop their middle name for their maiden. I’m sure their parents spent a lot of time and put special thought into it so I do think it’s kind of sad for the parents.
PS. My future daughter’s middle name will probably be Elizabeth. I don’t think it’s any less special just because it’s popular. Your mom chose it for a reason. (sorry don’t mean to guilt trip you, just my feelings)
Post # 5
I had this issue.. I went ahead and just kept my last name. My Fiance wanted me to, and I love my last name. I thought about hyphenating, but it would have been so long like yours. I don’t see anything wrong with having different middle names, but since your Fiance thinks its weird I would just hyphenate, you don’t always have to sign your full hyphenated name.
Post # 6
I’m not even kidding, my first name and FH’s last name are very similar but spelled different so I will not be changing my name. He’s kind of sad about this as am I but it would be ridiculous. Also, I have worked so darn hard to establish myself in my career and I don’t want to have to start over with a new name.
Post # 7
I’m not dissing the name at all! Unfortunately, knowing my mom it was likely an overexaggeration to get her way.
Post # 8
My parents exchanged last names for middle names. So my mom has my dad’s last name for her middle name and then her maiden name for her last name and my dad added my mom’s maiden name as his middle name (he didn’t have one to begin with).
Post # 9
Don’t change your name if you don’t want to.
My DH fought about this A LOT before the wedding, he thought it was an insult/weird, etc etc.
but we’ve been married over a year now and it doesn’t bother him at all anymore. Having different last names Does Not make you any less married, or any less of a family, then if you had the same name.
I grew up with my mom never having the same name as me–didn’t make her any less my mom and my half brother (whom I consider a ‘full’ brother) has a different name. really in the end, do what YOU want, it’s not his name so it really shouldn’t be his business, you don’t need to justify it.
Post # 10
You could do two middle names possibly? Like keeping your name exactly as it is and just tacking your fiance’s name onto it?
Post # 11
thank you for this!!! I totally agree with you!
I asked Fiance if after we’re married I can have a couple of months to decide because I’m just not ready to leap into it yet.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You will probably get a few months anyway since most Clerks of Courts have had their budgets slashed the last few years and you won’t get your marriage certificate, which you need to change your name, for 6-8 weeks if you’re lucky.
Post # 13
Wow, I didnt know so many woman didnt want their last name changed. I guess I’m just naive, I just thought it was part of getting married. XD
I personally cant wait for my last name to change. I hate my weird last name, and he has such a simple one.
OP, why dont you just keep the middle name and have two last names?
Post # 14
I used to think the same thing, but you may feel differently when the name change actually comes, it’s very strange having one name your whole life then suddenly it’s different – honestly it almost felt like an identity crisis when people used the new last name, like, ‘who is that person?’ Still kinda does – it’s not just part of being married, I think it’s smart to think carefully about it. And OP already said that she doesn’t want two last names because her name would be crazy long.
OP, I think it’s a great idea to give yourself a few months after the wedding to think about it. And make sure you are 100% sure in your decision and make it based on what YOU want – not your mom or your Fiance, because it is your name, not theirs. I changed mine after 3 or 4 months of marriage and still wish I’d waited a bit longer, because I don’t always feel very secure in my decision. I did it because I want to have the same last name as my future children, but it’s harder losing the last name my parents have and that I identify with in favor of the one that attaches me to DH’s family. When I just think about it like ‘Well I want our family to have one name, and I like having the same name as my husband’, it makes sense. But when I think about where that name comes from and how the name change comes from the whole idea of the wife being the husband’s property, I feel not so great about it.
Post # 15
for some women it’s no big deal but for some of us it is. I’m glad you are excited to change yours! I wish I wasn’t having such an identity crisis. But I am. I actually feel guilty for not wanting to change like many women so please don’t judge me for thinking differently. It killed me my Fiance said he wished I ws excited about changing my name. But I’m still allowed to have a choice about this.
thank you so much for your story!
‘Well I want our family to have one name, and I like having the same name as my husband’, it makes sense. But when I think about where that name comes from and how the name change comes from the whole idea of the wife being the husband’s property, I feel not so great about it. <—I feel the same way!
Post # 16
I changed mine, but I was kinda sad about it after I did it. I guess it’s because my dad and I are the last ones in the family with the name. I did keep it as a second middle name though, but it’s only on my social security card. I forget all the time and write my maiden name on things. It’s just strange to write something different after 30 years.