Post # 1
My cousins, ages 12 and 14, are going to be my jr. bridesmaids. My adult bridesmaids are wearing black cocktail dresses of their own choosing. Initially, the cousins were going to wear champagne colored dresses, but after thinking about it I decided to have them wear black as well, I just thought it would look a little weird to have them in different colors.
Well, I just got an email from their dad, my uncle, who asked if I would reconsider having them in black dresses, because they are so young and he would like them to wear something more "virginal". He said he hopes that I won’t "fire" them (as if!!) and if I insist on black then that’s ok, but he wanted to voice his concerns.
Ok. What do I do here? I don’t want to cave to him just because I hate disappointing people and standing up to them. I don’t want my uncle to be mad at me, so my first inclination is to say, fine, do whatever you want. BUT. Second thought is, dude, don’t tell me what to do! I chose black for a reason and it’ll look weird to have different colors! And black dresses are "inappropriate"? First, come on, it’s black, I really don’t get what’s so bad about it. Morbid is the worst thing about black, but it’s not a trampy color. Second, color is not a big deal! If I were insisting that they were strapless dresses, I would completely agree–I am very fine with them being modestly dressed, and they get to pick the styles, if they want long sleeves go for it. But the color does not seem to me to be what makes a dress modest or appropriate.
Sorry this is lengthy. Here are my questions: 1. Will 2 champagne jr. bridesmaids look weird with 2 black dress bridesmaids and men in black tuxes? 2. Is black an inappropriate color for 12 and 14 year old girls? 3. What should I say to my uncle? How do I handle this?
Post # 3
I think champagne flower girl dresses would look really lovely. You could add a black sash to make them coordinate. I do agree that black is a little too dour with younger girls. I do think they would look prettier and more girly in lighter dresses. Since your uncle asked you nicely why not make him happy?
Post # 4
how about black dresses with champagne sash and tights?
I don’t see anything wrong with black dresses on a 12 or 14 yr old…
Post # 5
Whether or not black is okay- the fact that your uncle wants them to wear something more ‘virginal’ is freakin’ weird.
If the other bridesmaids are wearing black, I think it’s perfectly fine for the jr bridesmaids to wear black too. It would be a little odd for them to stand out.
I’d probably just say something like, "Dear Uncle, I would never think of firing X and Y! They are so wonderful/special/important! They will be such wonderful bridesmaids, but since the other bridesmaids are wearing black, I was hoping that X and Y would too. I hope you don’t mind terribly, but I’m sure they’ll look wonderful."
Lay it on thick 😉
Post # 6
I think that if champagne is present elsewhere in the wedding, the dresses will look fine on the bridesmaids. But so will black dresses! They’re old enough (especially the 14 year old) to rock some really fun black dresses, they won’t have to be dour at all.
I’d say let your uncle know that you really like the all-black look, that it’s actually very chic and perhaps offer to go shopping with him and the girls to find the dresses so everyone’s happy.
Oh, and as an aside – your uncle wants them to look virginal? That’s a little weird…
Post # 7
i agree that there isn’t really anything trampy about black. I would email your uncle and thank him for expressing his concerns, but you feel differently. You might even want to do a quick web search for some modest, sweet black dresses for young girls. I don’t really think champagne dresses with the blacks ones is that bad, though, and vyeta7 does have a point with lighter colors are more girly.
Post # 8
Take a look at this knot bio:
As you can see it can look very elegant and classy. Hope this helps and good luck!
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the responses. Yeah, I definitely thought the "virginal" comment was weird. But my uncle is weird, not in a creepy way, trust me, but he is definitely weird. Trust me that this whole incident is not out of character for him. Ah, family! Gotta love ’em.
As for making modest dress suggestions, I already did! I sent the email to the girls’ mom, so I don’t know if he saw them, but the ones that were sleeveless had thick straps, not spaghetti straps (and the girls wear tank tops all the time anyway) and some actually had sleeves. None were strapless, I specifically chose suggestions that I thought were modest.
I think what I might do is make some of the points you guys have, i.e. I was hoping for a more uniform look, I thought black was very chic and classy (think Audrey Hepburn in a fabulous boat-neck Dior cocktail dress with adorable ballet flats–swoon!!! How could Audrey possibly be anything other than perfectly appropriate??) I’ll continue to state my preference for black, but that I understand his concerns and the last thing I want is for the girls to be wearing something inappropriate, so if after thinking about it he still would feel very uncomfortable with it, then champagne would also be lovely and under no circumstances would I dream of firing them! Something along those lines, what do y’all think?
Post # 10
what is more "virginal" than CHILDREN!!!!??? I don’t get where your uncle is coming from..but you can get your way and compromise by adding color to the black dresses.
I like the sash idea from a previous poster.
Post # 11
I don’t see anything wrong with children/teens wearing black. But sometimes it’s easier to be accomodating to strange requests to save the stress. Pick your battles, you know?
You know your uncle best – is it worth reasoning with him (or just putting your foot down)? Or can you mother/father or grandparents talk to him about it? Was he making a suggestion, or does this really matter to him? If it’s a sincere concern or if you feel that standing up against it would cause undue angst, then file this under "weird" and comply by letting them wear dresses in another wedding color. It won’t look weird to have Jr BM’s in a different color; I’ve seen it many times before.
Post # 12
Champagne dresses with black sashes/ties would look wonderful. As a mother, I would be a little bummed if my child was asked to wear black. That being said, the 14 year old probably already wears it. The 12 year old might not, so I would put them in champagne dresses with black accents.
Post # 13
I think the pics from the Knot bio are great. I think it looks nice.
Post # 14
If you really want the black and end up caving you’ll only regret it later. Go with the girls in black. At that age, black is fine, younger I could understand. A girlfriend did the same thing, and the 12 year old jr. bridesmaid’s godmother threw a fit and pressured the in-laws until they pressured her to change the dress. She let them do a white dress with black accents and she hates every picture – not the girl, just the dress.
Post # 15
Well, my first question is: What’s your color scheme?
You’re having black dresses, but what are the other color(s) in your wedding? Champagne and black? B&W?
I love the champagne with black sash idea. They’re young girls, keep it light. It will photograph best if you have a little bit of contrast in your bridal party. Especially if it’s a winter wedding. All black can turn into a big black blob in photos real fast. The girls in champagne and black will give your photos better depth.
Post # 16
Obviously, everyone has a different opinion on this! I would suggest this: have the girls wear a black dress with a sash to match the mens neckties and/or waistcoast. Sashed dresses are very "virginal" and by not having them in unrelieved black hopefully your uncle will calm down. He’s probably hearing "black cocktail dress" on his baby girls and panicking that they’ll look all Sex-and-the-City! Seriously, do what you want. It’s your wedding!