(Closed) What would you do? Received an STD 2 years out

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
627 posts
Busy bee

I may be wrong, but I don’t think you are actually supposed to reply to save the dates. I’d just wait for the formal invitation. I’m old school and use an actual calendar versus my phone. If my calendar doesn’t go that far, I wouldn’t be saving any dates. If the person actually asks you, I’d say, “we’d love attend, but we can’t confirm until closer to.” 

Post # 3
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow two years!! I agree do not commit to anything, even if pressured.

Post # 4
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Overjoyed:  It’s meant to be an invitation, but they are treating it like a summons. If something comes up which means you can’t go, then don’t go and don’t feel guilty. I agree with the first two answers – don’t commit, because you can’t.

I’ll add (in view of that other couple with the cruise): no one can demand you spend a lot of money on their wedding. no matter how much notice they give.

Post # 5
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s just a notice and does not need a response. So if in the end you don’t even live in this country then fine, dont go. Not that big of a deal. 

Post # 7
4038 posts
Honey bee

It’s probably just a lot of early excitement. Considering how many people RSVP late, or not at all, a few weeks before a wedding, she can’t expect much, or will have accurate answers.

Post # 8
1496 posts
Bumble bee

I think you’re making too big of a deal out of this. Plan to go, but if you’re plans change, they change. 

Post # 9
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
Overjoyed:  I would just tell her the truth. That you’ll try. Tell her you’re excited for her, but unfortunately you can’t give her a definite answer, because you’re expecting so many changes from now until then. You’ll have a better idea closer to the date.

I’m all for honesty. While I think a 2 year out STD is silly, there’s no reason to tell her that.

Post # 10
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

2 years!?  I bet she is trying to figure out how many people can come so she can create a budget – which, of course, is not how you do it. 

I’d tell her that you are tentatively coming, but can’t make any promises because you have no idea where you’ll be in 2 years.

Post # 12
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Overjoyed:  I would just tell her that you’ll do your best to be there. We did STDs 9 months out and had people tell us they’d be at the wedding but when RSVPs came around things came up and they couldn’t.  Shit happens.


Post # 13
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would simply thank them for wanting to include you, and not affirm or deny you’ll be present – because, as you point out, there is really no way to predict what may happen in the meantime.  

Given the number of threads posted by brides who are actually ANGRY that people didn’t have good excuses for missing their weddings, it appears that some brides now think that they do have the right to order people to attend.  Who knew? 🙂

Post # 14
7161 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just tell her that you can’t possibly predict where you’ll be in two years, but if you are sure you could make it if circumstances remain stagnant, say just that!

Post # 15
15144 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Maybe she’s just trying to gauge how many would be interested, assuming its a destination wedding.  If you truly want to be there, I’d just say yes, of course I’ll try to be there (pending other uncontrollable life chaging event in that time frame) which I don’t think you have to say.  She can’t seriously expect people to really commit right now, right?

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