(Closed) What would you do? Received invite to a wedding from an uninvited guest

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should we do?
    Buy a new box of invitations, print out a new RSVP card for them send without any explanation : (3 votes)
    10 %
    Email, fess up about not inviting them (or make an excuse), and send them invite with expired RSVP : (4 votes)
    13 %
    Buy new invitations, print new RSVP, and email an excuse (printing problem? typo?) of why it's late : (0 votes)
    Call and ask them about their RSVP, acting as if we sent the invite and they never got it : (23 votes)
    77 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Do you have the budget to include them?  They probably have a clue since they didn’t receive an invite to your wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If it’s in your budget to include them and you GENUINELY want to include them, I have a different option for you (a sneakier option).

    Wait until your RSVP due date for you wedding.  Them call them and just casually say “oh we haven’t received your RSVP to our wedding”  when they say that they never got an invitation it will look like it just got lost in the mail.  problem solved.

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think I would email them and be honest about it.  All the lying and creating new invites just seems skeevy to me.

    Post # 7
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I didn’t vote because I think you shouldn’t change your guest list based on who invited you to their wedding. Each couple’s wedding is different, you have budget, size of venue, and cohesiveness of the guests to consider. RSVP no if you feel uncomfortable attending their wedding and just send a gift, but don’t invite them out of guilt.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    oh yay you added my suggestion to the poll  🙂  hope everything works out for you 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    I agree with VeronicaH. There’s no law that says you have to invite someone to your wedding simply because you are/were invited to theirs.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2249 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    I like the sneaky option, it will leave less hurt feelings and if this girl is also a bride she already has enough to stress about!

    Post # 11
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Yeah, I too am on the ‘you don’t need to invite them’ boat – but don’t feel like the overwhelming number of comments saying that mean that’s the only opinion; there’s just no poll option for us 🙂

    If you realized you WANT to invite her, and it’s not just that you feel guilty, then I would suggest calling her and explaining that you feel bad for missing them on your initial guestlist, and ask whether you can send her an invite. Just cross the rsvp date off and write “ASAP” in pen with a smiley face.

    Post # 12
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    good suggestion/idea meowkers!

    Post # 13
    Member
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Do not invite them to yours unless you had already intended to. Last minute invites that couples send out of obligation and courtesy, even though they don’t care about the folks in question at all, are one of the main reasons that weddings get expensive. If you want to attend theirs then do that but do not invite people out of courtesy whom you have no relationship with. The whole reciprocal thing (“they invited us to their wedding so we have to invite them to ours even though we don’t really want to”) is a tactic that is a very successful guilt trip that folks should not cave into, especially if they don’t have the space or budget, or simply don’t want to invite people who don’t care about them.

    Either attend or don’t, but leave the invite to your wedding out of the equation entirely and don’t even bring up the subject.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Hmm… I guess this depends on your relationship with these people.  Do you wish you had invited them?  …or did you have a good reason for not inviting them in the first place?  We invited a couple to our wedding and knew they were also getting invited this summer.  At this point, we are clearly *not* invited to their wedding, even though we invited them to ours.  I’m not really worried about that though.  I think they’re having a smaller wedding and had budget restrictions.  Plus, the bride had most of the input on their guest list, and I’m friends with the groom.  So in short, I invited them to my wedding, and I’m not too upset that I wasn’t invited to theirs.  Life goes on.  I’m not going to fire them as friends or anything.  Hopefully your friends will feel the same way…

    Post # 15
    Member
    1120 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I don’t see the point of emailing to “fess up” – I believe that there are situations in life in which white lies are appropriate, and this is one of them (as long as you genuinely want to invite this couple and aren’t just doing so out of guilt).

    ETA: Calling or emailing to “fess up” is like saying “Hey, I just wanted to alert you to the fact that I was going to do something that would have hurt your feelings, and I wanted to make sure you know about it. Sorry – you’re invited to the wedding after all!” What purpose would that serve?

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