(Closed) What would YOU do? Trying not to spark In-Law feud, but fed up!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What to do about Aunt bombarding me with offensive emails!?!!?
    Send her a strong-worded response that explains my aversion to such ignorant rhetoric : (3 votes)
    8 %
    Respond by researching all the lies and ignorance in each email and dispute each one : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Let the whole thing go and just let those offensive emails pile up in my Inbox for years! : (19 votes)
    50 %
    Other: Post below how you would/would not handle this : (14 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 4
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    My FI’s family is like this too, but luckily they don’t send me the forwards, just him. But this doesn’t stop his dad especially from trying to provoke a political argument with me every time I see him. My strategy is to let Fiance rant and rave (he’s had a lifetime of arguing with them, so he’s got very well-developed arguments at this point, where I just tend to sputter and rage) and to just politely but firmly say I’d rather just not talk about it. So maybe you could just send her an e-mail asking her to stop sending these things to you. If she’s sending that many, a reasoned rebuttal of all of the nonsense in the e-mails is probably not going to get you anywhere—if she were rational she wouldn’t beieve them in the first place, so responding with rationality isn’t likely to work. I would just ask her to stop sending them.

    Post # 5
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    People like that aren’t going to respond to logic and reasoning. Your best bet is to ignore them. Personally, I’d probably just send all her e-mails straight to my SPAM folder and maybe scroll through them sometimes in case there’s a real e-mail in there.

    Post # 6
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    I would just send her a short email letting her know that you would like to be taken off her forwarding list. I wouldn’t try to say anything about how the emails offended you or anything – just ask that she stop sending them to you. That way, you avoid starting any sort of conflict and you don’t have to read the emails anymore!

    Post # 7
    1740 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    i get emails like that all the time… everybody is entitle to their own opinion… i dont defend her, but what for you is ignorant maybe for her is the true… my experience is that this kind of people dont change even if you put the true in their face… so no sweat… write one email asking her to please stop sending you this emails because you have different view of the thing…. if she doesnt stop then go to your email setting and block her emails… good luck 

    Post # 8
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Yeah, ignorant, hateful people are not rational, so it is best to just say “Stop, please.” If she tries to egg you on by retorting, just tell her you’ve made your email recognize those emails as SPAM and I doubt she’ll continue to send them.

    Post # 9
    7082 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I’m sorry that someone is doing this to you.  I have learned (the hard way) that even the most educated and comprehensive responses to political screeds fall on deaf ear.  In the family context, it is often not worth the time, energy and emotion to go there.

    I’ve found that a politely worded email asking to be taken off of the political forward list usually does the trick without creating a war.  If she doesn’t abide your request, you can have Fiance talk to her and request that you not be included on those emails.  I, one time, made the statement by sending the request to the entire forward list… but that wasn’t in a family context.

    I did have to de-friend someone on Facebook who kept posting racist statements about the President.  Hopefully you won’t have to block her email!

    Post # 10
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I put to let the whole thing go.  If they know your political views are different and they’re still sending them, then they don’t really care what your political views are.  Possibly they don’t even realize you’re on the forwarding list.  Maybe they send them to everyone in their email list.  If they ask you about them in person, you can then respond that you don’t agree (in a nice way of course) but don’t spark a religion or politics argument.  Not with your in laws, and especially if there’s no hope in changing their minds, because then you’re just wasting time.

    Post # 11
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would just politely say that I don’t agree with her political views and ask not to be included on her forwards in future.

    Post # 12
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Yeah, I have to agree with the previous posters; just ask her politely not to send you forwarded emails anymore.

    Post # 13
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think a lot of people don’t realize what they are sending is offensive.  If you send an e-mail back explaining that you’re not into political humor, and can she please refrain from forwarding political jokes your way, she’ll get the hint without starting an argument.  It’s possible that she doesn’t know you don’t share her views.

    Also, you should NEVER reply to political e-mails with rebuttals.  No one is going to change their mind.  Politics is one strange animal and for some reason everyone has to attach to “one side” or “the other side.”  No one really considers independent thought.  The whole system is set up to be “us vs. them.”

    Post # 14
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    could you just report her emails as spam and let your spam filter take care of those emails so they’re not taking up space in your inbox?

    Post # 15
    583 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Don’t go off on her or research anything. That will come off as really agressive on your part.

    I also recommend a spam filter. Don’t read another message. Not even one. You will just get more upset about this. Just delete every single one, and try not to read the subject line if you can help it.

    If you feel you must respond, make it short. “Please stop forwarding me these messages.” That’s all you have to say.

    If you feel like you must provide an explanation, this might work: “My inbox has a small size limit and I always have to delete them anyway.”

    Or if that excuse won’t work, you could be diplomatic about your issues with it: “I don’t agree with the sentiments in these messages, and they aren’t going to change my mind.” That’s the most confrontational you can be without really damaging the relationship.

    Post # 16
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Several years ago a good friend of mine kept sending me anti-muslim emails.  I usually just deleted them and let it go, but when one that I found particularly offensive came my way, I finally sent her an email explaining that the content she was forwarding was offensive and inflamatory.  I felt it was doing us a disservice to perpetuate the idea that ALL muslims hate Americans and ALL muslims agree with the extremists.  She apologized and said her intent wasn’t to offend and stopped sending the emails.  Our relationship was more important than forwarding some random email.  I don’t know what your relationship is like with this Aunt, but I think it is totally okay to let her know that you find the jokes she sends offensive.  Just don’t try to justify your opinion.  State it and let it be.  Ball will be in her court.

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