(Closed) What would you do with these people??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Wwyd if they don't rsvp online?

    Count them as a no

    Contact each person again and tell them no seat/meal if no online rsvp

    Contact each person again and allow verbal meal prefs, even though they are likely to flake

    Provide children meals for those that don't rsvp and do actually show ;)

  • Post # 2
    Member
    47430 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    sunnyhunnybee:  If they don’t respond by your extended rsvp deadline, I would send them an email  or text saying ” I am sorry we didn’t hear from you. Unfortunately, we are now past the final deadline from our venue and we will have to consider you a “no”. We will miss you at the wedding.”

    I normally am all in favor of speaking directly with others, even by phone, but in this instance, I think you have already done that. No need to stress yourself out with another phone call.

    12 couples is $6000 -an absurd amount to have on hold for people who can’t even bother to rsvp.

    Post # 3
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree. We had several people who didn’t rsvp and then said “yes” when we called but didn’t show up to the wesding

    Post # 4
    Member
    2668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    If you’re able to give them another week or even a few more days, I would get in touch with each couple one more time (either by phone or by email) expressly saying that if you have not received their online RSVP with meal preference by X date then you will have to consider them a no and no meal will be provided for them. If you need to get your meal choices to your caterer ASAP, I would send an email to each of the couples and say that you consider them to be a no for the wedding, as the deadline to submit to the caterer has passed.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Okay, I’m going to sound like I’m finger-wagging here, but in all honesty, I think you kind of knotted your own noose when you told them–proven flaky people–to go to your wedding website to input their food preferences. If you already had them on the phone, then why not just ask them on the spot? I know that you want them to “prove” that they’re really coming, but that was sort of a naive expectation (in the sense that they ARE indeed dildos and you were naive about thinking they would magically morph into something non-dildo). 

    Now, I personally think that it would be a fair gamble to assume that most of these people aren’t going to show up–maybe a few, but not all 24. But it is a gamble, and it’s your social reputation/comfort that’s at stake. So you *can* text them back as julies1949 said just to basically say, “No you’re not coming.” That may earn you some raised eyebrows in the sense of “wait a minute–you called me to ask if I was coming, I said yes, and now you’re saying I’m not coming??” …becasue these people are obviously dildos. You decide whether you care about the raised eyebrows or not. 

    Now, if you choose NOT to text them, then you can either bite the cost and hope they show ordering their meals for them or preemptively count them as no-shows. The drawback of option 1 is eating the cost. The drawback of option 2 is the possibility that 24 show up, they get nothing to eat, and then it’s like, “And the bride even CALLED me to talk about comign to the wedding blah blah blah” bullshit. It is, however, unlikely that there will be absolutely nothing for them to eat–most caterers do include a few extra meals for things like someone mysteriously decides they marked chicken instead of fish or someone is allergic to the sauce on the beef or a waitstaff drops a tray. But ultimately, it’s kind of up to you and your relationship wtih these people. Sorry, hon. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3607 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would cut my losses and say “Sorry, since you didn’t send us your meal preference, we are going to have to count you as a ‘No.’ We will miss you and hope to catch up with you soon.” If they are being flaky to this extent, either they can’t come and can’t find the words to tell you so, or they are just flaky people who 10 to 1 won’t come even if you somehow get them to enter their meal preferences into your site. If you just write them off, you might be able to salvage the friendship, but if they flake on your wedding and leave you $500 out of pocket per couple, the friendship will probably be over.

    I’m sorry this is happening to you. This is the part I am most dreading about sending out our invitations.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9209 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    So they have given you your rsvp but you are being stubborn about their meal choice? Why didn’t you just ask them then and there? A guests obligation to rsvp is that but they are not obligated to rsvp in the exact method you demand. Online rsvps are problematic anyway. Most people push an invite to the side until a few days before the wedding and stick the rsvp card somewhere they wont forget about it, like the fridge door. With an online rsvp you don’t have that reminder. 

    I think you need to accept their rsvp’s to you as solid. Send them a text the day before meal choices are due (as per your conversation with them) to remind them if you must and then just order each couple of each (so 1 chicken 1 beef per couple) and let them deal with it. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2502 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with the others – if they still didn’t RSVP, then text/email/call and let them know they’re a no. That’s what I’ll be doing (we’re also doing online only RSVPs and paying $265/person, so I feel your pain). 

    View original reply
    BothCoasts:  did you really intend to call the guests phallic shaped sex toys intended to be inserted into the vagania or rectum…?

    Post # 10
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee

    I would contact them to let them know you are so sorry to learn they weren’t able to RSVP and that you do hope to see them another time.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    ilovesophia:  Yes, because it was either that or “bag of dicks,” but that takes longer to type. Apparently my wrath knows no bounds when it comes to “oooohhhh…right…your wedding….when is it? Oh yeahhh….sure, I guess we can make it…” 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    View original reply
    BothCoasts:  I like the way you think.

    OP, 6 grand would be better spent on plenty of other things than self absorbed people 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    sunnyhunnybee:  Here’s the thing – this situation sucks! BUT wedding guests have no obligation to RSVP in the mannor you demand. So yes, these people did RSVP via phone call. So if you now go to them and say, since you didn’t RSVP you’re not coming, that would be very rude on your behalf – because they HAVE actually RSVP’d. 

    What I would do is email these people with a direct link to your RSVP site and say they need to submit their food choices by the end of the day/tomorrow (depending on the time of day you send it) in order to ensure there is food there for them. I would also say something to the effect of, if you can’t make it, we completely understand. Please just let us know. 

    THEN I would call them again and say, I just sent you a link to our RSVP site. I REALLY need to know what you’d like to eat, so please RSVP by today/tomorrow or else I won’t have food for you. 

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