Post # 1
So my husband and I are in a wedding this month. This friend, who’s also a cousin on my husband’s side, was also in our wedding last year. I’m not usually one to judge these kinds of things, but I’m just wondering what you would do in this situation.
For a wedding gift, this friend (and her FI) gave us $20 (total, for both of them). She paid for her dress (that she picked out), wore shoes she already owned, did her own hair/make-up, and paid for a hotel room for one night ($80). We also got her a really nice gift.
For her wedding, we’re pretty much doing the same. She asked me to wear any dress in a certain color, I bought new shoes because I wanted to (any excuse, right?) and I’m doing my own hair/make-up. However, we don’t have to stay in a hotel room because we have family in the same town, so we’re staying with them. BUT, we do have to make a long nine-hour car trip (our choice to save money).
What would you give this couple as a gift? As far as closeness, I became close with her while we planned our own wedding last year because she and her Fiance moved into the same town, and my husband was close with her growing up (they’re about the same age). However, that’s kind of dwindled over the past year because these two have been a nightmare during wedding planning. I’ve posted about it before.
So hive, what would you do? We know their financial situation (she’s one of those people that likes showing people her bank statements and reporting on her salary), and they’re on the same level as us, meaning living comfortably, but not rich. We typically go by the $100 per person rule, but after they got us $20, we’re having a hard time doing that (which I hate saying, but it’s true).
Post # 3
I’d probably go with 50-100. Maybe 50 and a small tangible gift.
Post # 4
I’d give a straight $50…maybe even give it as a GC to a restaurant you like or know they want to try. I’m sorry she gave so little, but forgive and forget as it’s really not important.
Post # 5
I voted $50-100 though I’m thinking closer to $50. I WANT to say I’d be the bigger person but I’llbe honest with myself and say I wouldn’t give as much as usual in light of what they gifted. Terrible terrible, I know. But it’s true.
Post # 6
@Kittyachi: That’s kind of how we feel. I’m not usually one to judge this kind of thing, but it’s just how I feel, and I kind of hate myself for it.
Post # 7
Personally, I’d give them $20. What can they say? They gave you the same.
Post # 8
I didn’t vote b/c I think you should give whatever you feel comfortable giving. If that’s $20 or a gift off the registry, the couple should be appreciative either way.
Post # 9
@Miss Chapstick: LOL don’t hate yourself. We live in a tit-for-tat world.
Post # 10
i voted $50 to $100 because i sort of feel like that’s taking the high road. $20 seems almost a little insulting, yet the usual $200 is way too much in this case.
an actual gift is always a good idea too. hit up a nordstrom rack type place. you can get something for $20-$50 that seems like it cost a lot more 🙂
Post # 11
I don’t know if I could ever give someone just $20, but at the same time I would be pissed if I gave $200 when I only got $20. I would say maybe $75-$100 for the two of you.
Post # 12
We would normally give $300, but our friends gave us $250 (which was obviously very generous and I”m not complaining) so for their wedding two weeks later we just gave the same amount right back.
Also, I bought our other friends $150 worth of Riedel wine glasses off of their WS registry and they bought us the exact same thing for our wedding 8 months later.
It’s a tough situation, but honestly in both situations we didn’t want to seem showy or make anyone feel bad. The friends who bought us the wineglasses to mirror the gift we bought them could have afforded a LOT more than that, but I didn’t hold it against them. It’s exactly what I would have done if I were them!
Hope that helps!
Post # 13
Thanks, everyone. It really helps 🙂
Post # 14
It’s your own conscience you have to live with, chick. No matter their behaviour, you can cease feeling rotten if you give a decent but unremarkable gift, i.e $50-100.
You never know, you could wind up being v close to them in the future, and it would be nice to not have this stuck in the back of your head.
7 years ago, we went to the wedding of one of his school friends. We spent pretty much what we could at the time, but the present was crappy – 2 wedding print champagne flutes- because I really couldn’t have been bothered putting in any more effort than that! We’ve become closer to them since, and now I do feel bad, because they’re inclined to be generous people, and I’ll prob feel really bad if they give us something nice!
Post # 15
Honestly, I”d buy them a small gift worth less than $50. That way it’s not so much apples-to-apples and you’re still getting them a nice gift.
Post # 16