Post # 1
Have just come across this site and it’s amzing to find a ‘waiting board’. Thought I was alone!
I’ve been sort of expecting to get engaged to my boyfriend for a while now and was, in a rare moment of thoughtfulness, wondered why exactly I feel the need to be married.
Reminded me of the scene in He’s Just Not That Into You, when Neil (Ben Affleck) puts forward an argument for not getting married. Just wondered what your counter argument would be if your boyfriend gave the Neil speech? Have copied it below for those who don’t know / can’t remember!
Neil: People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were so legitimately happy, honestly, you wouldn’t feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn’t have to broadcast it. They do it because they’re insecure and because they think that getting married is what they’re supposed to be doing now. And so they’re lying to themselves and they’re lying to other people. Think about you and your friends ok? These women you have great relationships with, you’re close to them, some of them you’ve known for years. But you don’t feel the need to write a $45 check to the state of Maryland for a friendship certificate. Why should it be any different with you and me? We’re very happy, I love you, I’m committed to you, we have a great life. Why can’t we just be happy?
Disclaimer: I don’t support this view, I’m just curious as to what bees might say in response. Let’s not forget Neil does get married at the end of the film!
Post # 3
I think marriage gives you more incentive to stick with the relationship when times get tough, and I want that accountability. I need the promise, and the highest commitment two people can give each other when they are in love, in front of God and the people we care about. I don’t feel I should have to give that up.
Post # 4
My first inclination would be to get all smart ass on him and say, “Uhh, well first off, I don’t intend to have babies and buy a house and share responsiblilties with my best friend(s).” (insert scrunchy ‘whaddaya-have-to-say-to-that?’ face)
That’s all I’ve got.
Post # 5
I think the legal arguments alone are worth the piece of paper. I can see that argument more legitimately for weddings which really are a bit silly if you think about it (my best excuse for wanting one was…. i just really do!). But getting married itself?
-it protects you financially (via retirement benefits, social security, life insurance, etc)
-it protects your health (sometimes). I couldn’t get decent insurance without my husband. Also, if he was in an accident before, I would have no ability to see him or have a say in his health decisions. How crazy is that.
I’m sure there are other reasons I’m thinking of. But just a cold financial view of things says there IS a benefit to being married vs. not if you’re going to be together forever anyways.
Post # 6
@CorgiTales Interesting points – especially about the joint health insurance thing. We don’t have that in the UK so it’s not so much an issue.
Also agree that it’s more of an argument against weddings than marriage itself!
Post # 7
I’d say his fear of getting married is obviously due to his relationship to his parents/his fear of commitment/some other bullshit reason and then wait.
Two can play at the “I have ESP and know everything about intentions” game.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s a committment thing necessarily. They has been together for over 7 years (hark at me talking like they’re real people haha) and had a house together.
I think it’s a wedding thing. I think maybe a lot of guys see it as an unnecessary spendage and show?
Post # 9
I think that what he’s saying is true for some people. No one “owes” anyone a marriage. I used to not want to get married for a lot of those same reasons. I wouldn’t ask anyone to go against their ideals just to be with me, and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who wanted me to go against my ideals… if that makes any sense at all.
Now I will stop talking about this, because that movie was shitastic and I don’t want to think about it ever again.
Post # 10
Also, getting married IS the societal norm (at least in the US, I know it is different in some other areas). So it seems to me that to break tradition you should have a reason. And also, if it is important to your girlfriend and it doesn’t matter either way– why not do it PURELY because she wants to. I mean if its no different right? If he’s not going to leave? If he isn’t scared to commit? Why NOT do it?
Post # 11
Doesn’t he propose to her at the end anyway?
Post # 12
Yeh I agree. It’s all about tradition and rite of passage.
We don’t really question traditions like birthdays or say graduation where we wear a cap and gown, get given a scroll (which isn’t actually our degree) and walk across a stage. Pretty strange when you think about it!
It’s all part of being human 🙂
Post # 13
Because I do not want to be your 67 year old girlfriend when that time comes.Why not just put me out my misery with said $45 certificate if you can.
Post # 14
@VintagePink: I think it’s a wedding thing. I think maybe a lot of guys see it as an unnecessary spendage and show?
From that speech (never seen the movie) and thinking on the wedding (not marriage aspect) I feel he’s kinda right. Some ppl do have to put on a show. Sometimes I see it as an unnecessary spendage, but that’s because I have other things to focus on right now. If you’d asked me that in December, I’d be happy to spend it, but it still would be a small destination wedding to cut down on how much we spend.