(Closed) What would you think?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Call her out on it and then tell her that this is when you are going…if she can be there, great, if not, email her some pics of the dress and tell her what you and the other girl picked out.  Maybe then she will realize that if she wants some type of input then she should make time.  My friend is having her wedding in NY (some of the girls live in NY, MA and NC) and we all relaize this is HER time and we need to do things that are convient for her – because we would all want the same in return. 

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think you should just ignore it. Since all three of you are very close, she was probably just having a bad day and it came out wrong. She probably didn’t even notice her tone. If it is bothering you though, you could just nicely let her know that she hurt your feelings when she said those things to you. I am assuming you told her that you have been sick and weren’t up to calling her. She might be feeling a little upset because she might feel like she was left out of the planning, but if you explain it to her, she should understand.

Post # 6
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

To be honest, in her position my feelings would have been hurt.  It probably seems to her that having A there was a priority and if J could make it that would be nice, but you’re catering to As schedule (I’m not saying this is the case but a possibility of how he’s perceiving it – especially if she’s just getting over being sick!!).  I would just reiterate that it means a lot to you to have your two closest friends both there because they’re important people in your life and you value their opinion.

Post # 7
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m thinking the same thing as Twalila.  Although I’m not sure if I understand the whole story correctly.  We do know that J kept checking in to see when you could go.  (Your response was that you wanted A there. That’s fine.)  But when you talked to J about the next weekend and A’s schedule, did you just state it as “This is when we’re going.  Can you make it?”  Or did you ask her if it was an OK time for her too?

If you came across like, this is the weekend becasue A is going out of town, I can understand why J is hurt.  Is that weekend a bad weeekend for her?  Maybe she felt like there were so many weekends that were so much better.  But now that A can make one weekend, she’s expected to rearrange all of her plans to make it work.  Also, how long did A know that she’d be going OOT?  I would think that if she knew she’d be leavingfor a while, she might be more willing to make an effort to shop for dresses earlier, or at least plan the weekend well in advance.  Rather than a hurry up, I’m leaving approach.  (While J’s been chomping at the bit all along.)  I’ve been in that position before,  and it kind of feels like second fiddle.

Of course as eager as J is, you might have thought she’d be up for going anytime.  It’s probably an easy misunderstandingto clear up.  I would back up and see if that weekend works for them both.  If it doesn’t, then I would either, find a weekend that does work, with both schedules.  Or I would shop with them separately.

Post # 8
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If I was J I would have definitely felt shafted. You may think that this is just a misunderstanding but I guarantee she is feeling second best right now. Secondly, is A your maid of honour? If that’s the case, then she may already be feeling a little jealous and resentful of your relationship with A and this was just the kicker!

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