Post # 1
Ok Bees…this will probably be a little long…but bear with me. Here’s a little of a backstory….Fiance works on the road and we’ve been home for about two months and got word we’ll be going back out again at the beginning of March. While I’ve been home I’ve been meaning to go try on dresses with my BMs but either I just really wasn’t that into it or there were conflicts of schedules. One friend, J, has been really wanting to go but I’ve kept telling her to wait until we can get A to come with us…I really want them both there. Anyways…I was talking to A on Wed and told her we were fixing to leave out and she suggested that since her hubby is leaving town next weekend that we should get together and do wedding stuff since it will be one of the only free weekends before we leave. So I agreed. I was planning on calling J and telling her the plans but ended up getting sick with a stomach virus and spent the last couple days in bed. J called me today and I asked her what she was doing next weekend and told her why. Her response was, “well thanks for checking with my schedule” (in a bitchy tone) And, “I’ve been trying to get you to go but it’s always, I want A to go…or let’s wait for A” Would anyone else be offended by this? I just kind of feel like this is the one time it’s not about her and she’s just trying to start a problem where there shouldn’t be one. And just to clarify we’re all 3 really close friends so I don’t understand why she would be acting jealous. I mean, I’ve made it very clear that the first time I went dress shopping I wanted them BOTH to be there. Should I just ignore it or call her out on it?
Post # 3
Call her out on it and then tell her that this is when you are going…if she can be there, great, if not, email her some pics of the dress and tell her what you and the other girl picked out. Maybe then she will realize that if she wants some type of input then she should make time. My friend is having her wedding in NY (some of the girls live in NY, MA and NC) and we all relaize this is HER time and we need to do things that are convient for her – because we would all want the same in return.
Post # 4
I think you should just ignore it. Since all three of you are very close, she was probably just having a bad day and it came out wrong. She probably didn’t even notice her tone. If it is bothering you though, you could just nicely let her know that she hurt your feelings when she said those things to you. I am assuming you told her that you have been sick and weren’t up to calling her. She might be feeling a little upset because she might feel like she was left out of the planning, but if you explain it to her, she should understand.
Post # 5
Well when she called she asked why I hadn’t answered her calls and that she had been upset. So, I told her that I had been sick and hadn’t talked to anyone. After I told her the plans she seemed a little weird and then I asked her why she had been upset and that’s when she said all that. Which, I was thinking she had been upset for a totally diff reason when she first called. She’s always got plans and that’s why I made sure to let her know a week ahead. I mean, it’s not like I waited till the night before to let her know. The rest of the conversation seemed a bit forced and we got disconnected and I tried calling her back twice and she didn’t answer and then 30 minutes later she told me she’d call me back and never did. I don’t know if she’s pissed at me and expecting an apology but I just don’t feel as if I’m in the wrong. I probably will just ignore it as I tend to shy away from confrontation and she can get a little crazy when stuff like that happens. So, I guess I’ll wait and see if she calls and if she hasn’t called by Sunday I’ll just call her and see what the deal is.
Post # 6
To be honest, in her position my feelings would have been hurt. It probably seems to her that having A there was a priority and if J could make it that would be nice, but you’re catering to As schedule (I’m not saying this is the case but a possibility of how he’s perceiving it – especially if she’s just getting over being sick!!). I would just reiterate that it means a lot to you to have your two closest friends both there because they’re important people in your life and you value their opinion.
Post # 7
I’m thinking the same thing as Twalila. Although I’m not sure if I understand the whole story correctly. We do know that J kept checking in to see when you could go. (Your response was that you wanted A there. That’s fine.) But when you talked to J about the next weekend and A’s schedule, did you just state it as “This is when we’re going. Can you make it?” Or did you ask her if it was an OK time for her too?
If you came across like, this is the weekend becasue A is going out of town, I can understand why J is hurt. Is that weekend a bad weeekend for her? Maybe she felt like there were so many weekends that were so much better. But now that A can make one weekend, she’s expected to rearrange all of her plans to make it work. Also, how long did A know that she’d be going OOT? I would think that if she knew she’d be leavingfor a while, she might be more willing to make an effort to shop for dresses earlier, or at least plan the weekend well in advance. Rather than a hurry up, I’m leaving approach. (While J’s been chomping at the bit all along.) I’ve been in that position before, and it kind of feels like second fiddle.
Of course as eager as J is, you might have thought she’d be up for going anytime. It’s probably an easy misunderstandingto clear up. I would back up and see if that weekend works for them both. If it doesn’t, then I would either, find a weekend that does work, with both schedules. Or I would shop with them separately.
Post # 8
If I was J I would have definitely felt shafted. You may think that this is just a misunderstanding but I guarantee she is feeling second best right now. Secondly, is A your maid of honour? If that’s the case, then she may already be feeling a little jealous and resentful of your relationship with A and this was just the kicker!
Post # 9
Let me clarify. A is not my maid of honor my sister is. I’m the one that’s going out of state and will be gone, likely, till the end of the year. I was the one that was sick not J. A’s husband has a business trip and is going out of town that weekend….and it just so happened to work out it will be the last weekend I have at home to do any shopping. I’ve told J from the very beginning that I didn’t want to go unless both of them could go….and to be fair I’ve had another Bridesmaid or Best Man, B, that’s wanted to go but I’ve held out on her also because I didn’t want to hurt J’s feelings since they don’t really get along so well. But J is a little scatter brained to put it mildly and I feel like I’m always having to cater to her schedule and there’s ALWAYS a conflict….she makes plans with someone else then expects me to tagalong. And it might seem like I’m catering to A’s schedule but she lives about 2 hours away from either one of us and we’re both going to the city where J lives…so it’s not like she’s going to have to really go out of her way. And to be honest, I just haven’t been feeling the whole dress shopping thing since we haven’t set a date yet and I’m just not even completely sure if I want to mess with trying to plan a wedding while we’re on the road. So, that’s one of the other reasons why I hadn’t made plans with J…and I told her that everytime she brought it up. I just thought that since this was my last chance to do it to go for it and see if it would get me excited about the whole thing.