Post # 1
I have never heard of doing this and that is why I am asking what others would think if they got this type of invitation.
An invite came for a wedding across the country. You read it and it is for a cake and punch style reception following the ceremony….not the bad part yet. You debate the cost of the trip and realize it will cost a few hundred to go to the trip but think you might do it. Then when at a friends house you see their invitation sitting out. It looks 100% different and it is for a seated dinner following the other said events. It was for the exact same wedding and the friend is invited to all three things and you are not invited to the wedding. Then you start talking to other friends and realize that their is def two differnt parties that this person picked for. Would you be offended? Would you still send a gift? I can’t think of why you would have the cake reception and a dinner reception with different set of guests. I get the money thing but shouldn’t you just not invite people to the cake part if you couldn’t afford for the dinner part? Especially, when most of these people have to travel from around the country…..so they should spend several hundred to go to your wedding and you can’t extend a dinner to them? Then don’t invite them is all I think.
Or is this something normal for different parts of the country? I am not 100% bashing I am just stunned and confused as to why someone would do this.
Post # 3
I don’t know that I would go. I’d probably at least still send a card though. And I guess the level to which I was offended would depend on my closeness to the couple and my friend’s closeness for comparison. I agree though, I’m not bashing anyone, but I would prefer it if the couple would just not invite people at all if they can only afford to have them at the cake and punch reception when there’s also a dinner reception. Or have a reception with heavy apps, cake, and punch and invite everyone. In my head it almost feels like ranking guests I guess.
Post # 4
I personally wouldn’t go all the way across the country just for a reception, even if I got invited to a dinner reception. I think the one exception I would make is if it were for a very dear friend I hadn’t seen in ages who made it extremely clear to me that they wanted a very tiny family-only ceremony.
Post # 5
I honestly have never heard of this. I would say if you can’t feed them all, after they traveled so far and spent so much to get there, then you need to rethink either the food or the invite. That’s just me though and I come from a very traditional wedding town (unfortunately).
Post # 6
I wouldn’t go but would send a card. I just don’t understand brides that do that. Everybody I invite is invited to ALL of the wedding events. I can’t pick and chose and expect people to travel for only parts of the wedding.
Post # 7
I’ve heard of cake and punch receptions but not before a sit down dinner. Clearly, they are doing this as a money saving thing if they invited some friends to part and some to the entire thing. I would not go at all but just said a card and smaller gift.
Post # 8
If I had to travel more than maybe an hours car ride, I wouldn’t go and just send a card. I wouldn’t do the separate receptions myself, but I’ve heard it suggested here when a bride was really having guest list troubles (like with a big church or something). In certain cases, it’s a reasonable solution, but that’s usually when all the people going to the cake/punch reception are local aquaintances. I would never ask someone to travel far and then only invite them to the second-tier party.
Post # 9
I definitely wouldn’t be going out of my way to travel, and pick a nice gift out when I’m only invited to the ‘b league’ cake reception. I think that’s rude, but that’s just me. Maybe just send a ‘congratulations’ card?
Post # 10
I would be offended that I was a “B” list guest that didn’t get to attend all of the festivities. Thanks, but no thanks.
Post # 11
I’d think it’s pretty lame. I might still send a gift, but not a pricey one. As to whether I’d go or not, it really depends how much fun I think I’d have, who I’d see, where and when, etc.
Post # 12
I don’t like this. lol
I would just send a card. I couldn’t imagine inviting someone from across the country, no matter how close I was to them, and not inviting them to the seated dinner.
Post # 13
That is disappointing. I, too, would not attend and just send a card.
Post # 14
I personally wouldn’t go if I found all that out. I agree with your thought process, at first thinking that maybe you’d go just for the cake reception even though it was expensive to get there, but then once you realized there was a ‘real’ party which you didn’t make the cut for, I’d definitley be offended and not go or send a gift. I would take it as a gift grab and be offended since the couple should have known that you would find out about the other party and have hurt feelings. Clearly they didn’t care enough to think that through and make a different decision about your invite status.
Mrs. Oyster blogged about this happening to her. I don’t think she traveled accross country for the wedding in question, but she showed up to the reception only to hear from other guests “What a beautiful ceremony!” and realized she hadn’t actually been invited to that part while other guests had been.
Post # 15
Had I thought it was just a cake & punch reception and it was someone close enough then I probably would have gone.Then to find out there IS a dinner reception and I wasn’t invited. When clearly we would have to spend some dough to make the wedding. Not like it’s a 1hr drive away! I will NOT go.
I will probably send a card and that’s it.
That’s kinda insulting.
And gosh, how can your friend not think you would find out there is in fact a dinner reception?
Post # 16
I would think “RUDE!”…and I would definitely not go! I would not waste the time, and money, to be B listed. I would send no gift, but maybe a card.