(Closed) What would you think if you got this invite?

posted 10 years ago in Paper
Post # 48
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

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@Helstrong: I wouldn’t consider what you have described as two receptions.  That’s actually more in line with the generally accepted practice of hosting a rehearsal dinner for family/bridal party, only you’re hosting a dinner after your reception.  That’s more like when there is a brunch held the next day for family/bridal party members.

In my mind, the “two reception gift grab” described above doesn’t apply to you.

Post # 49
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@Helstrong:

If you’re inviting people that are having to travel, you might be better off having the dinner with immediate family on the day before or after your main reception, not immediately following.  It is rude to ask people to travel for your wedding reception, then only feed some of the guests and not others.  Especially when the dinner is following the part of the reception the “B listers” aren’t invited to, causing you to potentially have to kick them out so you can continue the party without them.

Upon further reading, if it’s really only your immediate family, it’s not like what the OP is describing (two full-on receptions, with an A and B list).  I still think you would be able to avoid some potentially awkward situations by having the dinner the day before or after, though.

Post # 50
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@littlemissmango: I appreicate what you said 🙂  I know some may take what I’m doing as rude- but it definitely isn’t a second or second part of a reception. There will be no dancing, or anything of that nature. Just a simple dinner. You’re right it’s like a thank you.  (sorry if I kind of jumped the gun in getting offended – totally terrible day at work )

 

@Nola:  and

 @MightySapphire:  Thanks girls. I actually was starting to wonder if all of my guests were going to be really offended. We aren’t teling everyone the dinner plans, but I know a few out of town guest have been told by my future mother in law. 

Once again- sorry to jump off the cuff there. 

View original reply
@lezlers: i appreicate your opinion and idea.  Unfotunately it isn’t an option as many of our guests at the dinner won’t be available the day before or after.  We are having the cake/punch and the dinner portion at two toally different places, and no one is kicked out of the first part before the second part happens.  We will obviously leave the first part, but the second part (dinner) is even a few hours after the cake/punch part ends.

Post # 51
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think that is very rude.  I would feel like I was only invited because they want a gift.   If you only have the buget for X number of people at your wedding that it how many people should invite.  Having a “B” list party makes them sound like they are greedy for gifts and thats it.

Post # 52
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore

This happened to my brothers this summer.  One received an invite to the full wedding and the other received one for just dancing and drinks (cash bar) same party.  My brother only found out he wasn’t actually invited to the wedding when he was traveling home for the wedding. (He lives in Long Island wedding was in RI.  He was so upset that he didn’t go.  Apparently there were 200 seated dinner invitations and 200 dancing and drinks invites that went out.  It was a little over the top as far as gift hoarding goes. 

Post # 53
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Agree with the rest–it strikes me as a gift-grab.

Why can’t the rule of thumb be, if you wouldn’t do it for a dinner party, then don’t do it for your wedding? You wouldn’t invite some guests for dinner and then ask other people to arrive at 10:30 “just for dessert and coffee.” Or have three couples over and then ask one couple to leave after appetizers because you can’t afford to feed all three a proper dinner.

I’d be so tempted to send her a card reading “So sorry I couldn’t make it to your dinner reception cake and punch party…” or call her out on FB, but be the bigger person and send her a nice card with well wishes. But since I’d interpret this as a gift-grab, I’d be inclined to skip the present, personally–I’m a little petty like that!

Post # 54
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Amen to KitKatNY!  I totally agree with all the gals that said it’s rude.  That’s what I first thought when you said that.  I can’t believe the bride would do that, on top of that if your friend knew that maybe other’s weren’t invited she shouldn’t have had it laying out.  But then again she may have thought that all were invited. 

I would call her and ask, maybe your invite is still in the mail.  You never know.  If not, don’t go.  But send a card at least to acknowledge her.   But to just go for a reception for cake…Heck no I wouldn’t go if haven’t talked to them in a while or not that close.

Post # 55
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

I’d decline the invite and not send a gift. It is beyond rude to invite different groups to only certain portions of the same wedding. If you can’t invite them to the entire event, don’t invite them at all.

Post # 56
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

This is ridiculous and rude – especially given the distance. Did they think people wouldn’t find out?!?! I am amazed…let us know how it goes!

Post # 57
Member
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

View original reply
@Helstrong: I agree that your situation is different.  Following the logic that it’s not would mean people who host brunch receptions, wouldn’t be able to go out to dinner with their parents/bridal party later in the day, which obviously is not the case.  You have to eat another meal that day, you might as well spend it with the people you’re closest to.

If I had a very good friend who was ONLY hosting a cake and punch reception I would consider flying across the country for it, and be thinking in the back of my mind that I might be able to sneak some time in with her throughout the day(s), even if it would be on my own dime.  But clearly if you’re not invited to the real reception or the ceremony, it doesn’t sound like you made the cut to her.

Post # 58
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Nola:  I think that this is incredibly rude.  I would never invite someone from the other side of the country if I wasn’t inviting them to the reception (or all the parties associated with the day of the wedding).  It sounds like they are just fishing for a gift from you.

Also, and this is just me, I wouldn’t invite someone to the wedding and not invited them to the reception.  If the person really wants to see you get married they’ll go to the church and watch.

Post # 59
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I *headdesk* @ this girl.

PLEASE copy and paste what MightySapphire said onto her FB wall!  It’s PERFECT.  Then come back and let us know what she said 🙂

 

Post # 60
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Helstrong, I would say your situation is different. You are having a cake a punch reception, just one.  You’re not having a second reception which half of your guests are invited to and the other half not.

Post # 61
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am amused that this girl thought no one would notice or talk to each other about the invite! Either she is well aware of it and it was her intention to get people to not go or she’s just daft. I couldn’t fathom telling some people they could eat cake but not dinner! I totally love the snark of what MightySapphire suggests, but I would just ignore the girl and send a card (with no gift). There’s no way I would fly across country for some cake!

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