(Closed) What would you think if your FFIL asked your FI…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My ex proposed and I said yes and one of my very good friends asked if I loved him. That was like 3 or 4years ago and it still bothers me. Nothing against her but WHY did she ask?! Lol! I feel you, it’s like why on earth would I want to marry someone I didn’t love!?

Post # 5
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

As hurtful as it is, I think I would try to assume that FFIl had good intentions.  I think it is perfectly reasonable for a parent to ask a kid if they are sure.  My BFF asked me right up until the last minute, said we could run, right then if I needed/wanted to.  I liked that she had my back like that.  I’ve had friends with parents (I don’t have one) ask the same thing.  It wasn’t because (my friend and their parents) didn’t care for their partner.  Just that they cared about their kid, me even more. 

 

Post # 6
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Without knowing full background I woulddday he’s just being protective. My parent love my husband and have never said a bad word about him, but when my dad drove me up to the church he turned to me and said “if you want me to just drive you away right now, I will. Don’t worry about the money we spent or what people will think”. I just really read ot as parents wanting their kids to know that they love them unconditionally and are on their team, not as undermining my ability to choose a husband. 

Post # 8
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@TheMsMittens:  I think some people just don’t know when something is not their business (even if it affects the person they love).  I would completely understand and support your FI’s parents wanting the best for their son, but at the same time it’s his relationship, and it has to be his choice who he is with and marries. 

Sometimes you just have to realize that parents will always care so much for their children and want the best.  With that, they most likely don’t see the day to day life you and you Fiance live, and if you are truly happy together.  They probably see you from time to time, and know the history you wrote in IP, and then worry.

In the end, it’s going to be hard to move past and it will take time. But hopefully over time they will be at ease seeing how good you are together.  No relationship is perfect, and from my experience, I find the ones that appear “perfect” on the outside are really the most troubling on the inside.

Good luck to you both.  Just follow your hearts, focus on your relationship, and do your best to lose the bitterness.  Yes, last part is way easier said than done, but hopefully over time hurt feelings will start to heal.

Post # 10
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@andielovesj:  and @SapphireSun:  

I agree with both of you. I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my BFF’s wedding, and I asked her once when she became engaged then again at the wedding. It was the same “just say the word and we’ll run” thing. I wanted her to know someone was there if she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to do it; I just didn’t want her to feel like there was no one there if she was having second thoughts. She laughed and declined the offer, and I was more than happy with that choice too. However, if your Future Father-In-Law is trying to talk your Fiance out of it rather than just support him, I think that is a completely different story and inappropriate.

Post # 11
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I mean no disrespect at all by this, but I honestly would think that your FFIL just really loves his son and truly wants the best for him. He may see what he believes to be some major “red flags” about this relationship, and he likely just wants his son to be sure that he’s making a wise decision. Although your Fiance is 41, he is still his parents’ son, and they are trying to look out for him. 

Once the two of you are married, however, it would be best, and very wise, for Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law to fully embrace you as their DIL.

Post # 13
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@TheMsMittens:  I am sorry. I did not mean in any way to offend you or to imply that I thought that being divorced and unemployed should disqualify you from being with your Fiance. My Darling Husband was married previously and has children from his first marriage.  And I am not currently working, since I had to resign a very high-paying corporate job two years ago when I relocated to join Darling Husband and his children full time in a rural area of another state. I was simply trying to note that your Future Father-In-Law may have found some of — or the combination of — the factors you listed in your OP to be of concern to him. 

Post # 14
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m guessing he was just looking out for his son… Here’s a story for ya

My mom was getting ready on her wedding day to marry my dad (They’ve been together 32 years this year, got married young… 21 and 22).  She had a hard morning because it was an emotional day and her hair “didn’t work” — Typical girl ๐Ÿ™‚

My Grandad turned to my mom and basically told her that it was ok if she didn’t want to go through with this.  It didn’t mean he was doubting her relationship with my dad… He just saw her crying, and wanted to show her that he was supporting her no matter what… It’s a huge joke to all of us now ๐Ÿ™‚ But at the time, I’m sure that was hurtful to my dad when he heard about it… But it was simply my Grandad showing his care and support for my mom ๐Ÿ™‚

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