(Closed) What would you think if …

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It really depends on why he wants the prenup. Did he tell you why he thinks you guys should discuss one? You may find that, after all, it’s completely unnecessary.

Personally I am very open to them. If you should ever need it (heaven forbid) it is there to protect both parties. Both people must agree on the terms at hand.

Does your Fiance come from a wealthy family? Does he have financial assets? A family business he’ll inherit?

They’re not all “well if sh*t hits the fan” and preparation for a divorce. Realistically it’s planning for the unfortunate what if. If things should not end well, a prenup can help ensure everybody is taken care of AND also that one person is not taken advantage of. If things end on a sour note, there can always be the “well i’m going to screw him/her over” (particularly if fidelity is invovled. I know i’d be a vindictive lady) the prenup is there to assist in negotiations.

Here is my opinion and many people are opposed to it and think it’s selfish and not-trusting but i’ve seen what happens to other people and that things in our life sometimes happen beyond our control that lead to the big D, even after many years of love and trust. Trust me–when my brother died, his death almost tore them apart. You NEVER plan for this kind of stuff and you always say “oh i won’t act like that” but you neve really know until you’re in those shoes. I had mentioned a prenup to my Darling Husband long ago. Why? I have a very wealthy family. And he does not. At all. My parents were not comfortable with the idea of us getting married and them not knowing how *their* money would be handled should something happen to them. There is also a family business involved and lots of property. Darling Husband was very open to the idea because it’s not mine. He told me point blank that he hopes we never need it, but that he understands why my parents felt we needed to have one, and that he never feels like he should be allowed to touch my family’s money (it’s not even mine!!!) if we ever get divorced. He said he wouldn’t even argue with us over the principle of the idea because he doesn’t even care about the money and he knows I don’t think he’s a golddigger =]. He also knows that when we are in our 60’s and something should happen to my parents, we will both be able to immediately retire, put all our kids through college, and be comfortable. But if something should happen before we reach our golden years, he’s very “it’s not mine. It never was” even though I know he’s not that kind of a person. Divorce does mean things to people and there is no shame in protecting what is yours. Or, in my case, what isn’t, but will be in the future.

I guess it all boils down to why he wants one. There are lots of good reasons for prenups and lots of silly ones that make no sense. Know that you can’t have a prenup though, unless BOTH parties agree, which means they are usually fair to begin with and handled amicably with both parties in mind.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That being said, 2 months prior notice isn’t very nice. Maybe somebody in his family talked him into it? I’d be a little taken back if i had no idea it was coming and i’d be confused, too. Try not to take it personally, although I know it’s hard 

Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I really believe that prenups are a great idea. NO one plans on getting divorced, but unfortunately it still happens sometimes. If it does happen, its better to decide what is fair now when you love each other than later when there are hurt feelings.

Plus, depending on how you write your prenup it could really protect you even if you stay married. For example, (depending on your state, check with a lawyer!) say one of you gets sued some day in a professional capacity or even after a car accident or something. Having a clause that keeps whats his his and yours yours could save your house and your savings.

Obviously you need to tread carefully, get legal advice, and be sure that you really know his motives… but in theory I think that prenups are a great idea to protect everyone in a marriage.

Post # 6
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

I think I would be a little uneasy maybe initially, but deep down I know that nobody really plans for a divorce and you just don’t know what can happen in the future so it’s better to be protected. My mom was blindsided after 10 years of marriage by finding out my dad was cheating on her despite the fact that she thought they had a happy marriage. A prenup wouldn’t have changed anything of course since they both really had nothing to begin with (like my husband and I lol) but, you just never know.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

Well what exactly did he say? I brought up the subject of prenup to my fiance, not because I actually want one, but because I wanted to know how he feels about it. Luckily we’re on the same page, it’s not for us, but we also both don’t have any money and aren’t expecting to come into any. If it’s only two months till the wedding, I feel like something would have to have triggered him to think of this all of a sudden.

Post # 8
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it depends on the situation.  Since neither of us is coming into the marriage with a ton of assets (except that which we already own jointly) I would not want to sign one. 

Also, I would be a little annoyed at a request this close in time to the wedding – two months is kind of close for him to be making this request now.

Post # 9
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Prenups have been discussed here a lot. So that should show you at the very least, you aren’t alone. If there is a real reason to have one, then at the very least it should be discussed. I know it is hard not to take it personally, but they can exist to protect both parties. If it is out of no where, and seem unnecessary, then maybe you should talk about why he feels he needs one. He may have waited until two months before because he considers it a formality, and is just now thinking about paperwork. It may seem the same to him as adding you to insurance.

Post # 10
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

First of all, I think prenups are really smart, even when you don’t have assets to protect, depening on the state where you live and if you may ever move. If you get married in a community property state and are happy with the default rule, you might lose those protections if you end up moving to another state. A prenup lets you control the rules instead of state law. Personally, I like that control. 😉 So a prenup is not always a big bad scary thing.

On the other hand, to SUDDENLY bring one up two months before the wedding is fishy. What I’d think is that he’s getting slightly cold feet and feel like he needs to do more to protect himself. I’d definitely want to check in about where this request is coming from.

Post # 11
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Personally, I would have been pretty disappointed if my husband asked me to sign one. Mainly because neither of us had anything of major worth before we were married, and I would have taken it as a sign that he didn’t trust me. That’s my own personal situation though. If there are major family assets on one side of the family (like in ejs’s case) I would probably feel differently. Personally, right now though, I would have been very shaken up.

Do either of you have a ton of assets that you’re trying to protect? I would find out exactly what prompted this with only a few months to go.

Post # 12
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I don’t know how I feel about pre-nups to be honest.  I am on the fence, but what I do know is that you need to hire an attorney to review the agreement to ensure it’s fair to you. Do not neglect to do this!

Post # 13
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Prenups aren’t a CYA piece of document IMO.  They’re a great tool that can help both parties in the long run.  Bringing it up 2 month prior is a little crappy but in the world of prenups not uncommon.  You can’t do them too early incase you all buy something in the interim and then, if it was a big enough purchase etc, you’d have to redo it.

 

I think you need to talk to him.  Tell him your concerns. 

Post # 14
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Mrs March- most states force you to do this.  It’s a done deal.

Post # 15
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

California Family Code does not require both parties have their own attornies, it varies by state. Some states say an attorney can draw up the document for both sides.  Nevertheless, better safe than sorry!

 

 

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Come back and let us know what your Fi says, MsHymanRoth! If you want more hits on this, you might want to put “prenup” somwhere in the title of your next post. People are all over that topic like white on rice here Smile

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