(Closed) What Would You Want To Do

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you want the hosts to have entertainment for the entire weekend if you were an OOT guest?
    Have something for guests to do on Saturday only. : (11 votes)
    14 %
    Guests don't need to be entertained. Just give them some local info and let them have at it. : (40 votes)
    50 %
    Just invite everyone to rehearsal dinner and make it a rehearsal dinner/welcome party : (29 votes)
    36 %
    Other/Suggestion : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Our wedding is on a Sunday too and I JUST finished figuring this out. Basically I am budgeting to have a rehearsal dinner big enough for all of our Out of Town guests on Saturday night, plus maybe some ‘activity’ (beach?) planned during the day, but only if we have time once the wedding is planned. We will also have a very informal brunch early Monday morning for before people head to the airport. It’s really going above and beyond to have a party Friday too, nobody would expect that. most of our guests are coming in Saturday afternoon or some even on Sunday morning.

    Post # 4
    Member
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly – as a guest I’d never expect anything to be planned for my entertainment.  Just give them so local info and let them figure out on their own what they are most interested in doing.

    Post # 5
    Member
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I don’t think you need to entertain them all weekend.  Doing a touristy type excursion is a nice idea, but unless you can get someone else to lead it for you, I think it would be too much for you.  And I would do the welcome party/ rehearsal dinner based on cost, if its fine financially for you, then go ahead.  But don’t feel obligated!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We were married on a Saturday, but since most of our guests were from Out of Town, we tried to do a weekend of activities: we did a casual “rehearsal” dinner on Friday which was open to all of our guests, and then a casual brunch the morning after the wedding, which again was open to all guests. We had about 30 people attend each event. It was a fair amount of work, but it was also really fun. I made sure not to drink too much or stay up too late chatting with friends Friday night so that I wasn’t exhausted for the wedding.

    If you don’t want to plan activities, which is completely understandable, maybe you could print up some area info for Out of Town guests.

    If I was flying in for a Sunday wedding, I wouldn’t expect my hosts to have had activities planned (although I would be happy to attend if they did!), but I would be excited to see area info – maybe a sheet of you/your FH’s favorite restaurants, area attractions, things to do, museums, etc. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If its in a big city (Atlanta, I assume) then I wouldn’t worry about it. There is plenty to do. Especially if you have a lot of families coming, people probably just want to spend time with each other. I just went to a Sunday wedding in Boston and we just explored the city on our own on Saturday.

    If you’re getting married out of town somewhere smaller, it might be nice to have a little more guidance. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @tseay: 🙂 It will be an inconvenience for someone, for some reason, you just can’t worry about it! I’ve been to tons of Sunday weddings (Jews get married on Sundays usually) and if it’s too annoying, people just won’t come. If they are there, they’ll be happy to celebrate in whatever way you want!

    Post # 11
    Member
    3364 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think it depends on the personality of the friend or family member, are they needy? do they like being alone? are they a natural discoverer or someone with no sense of direction? Sometimes people love it and some are going to hate it, you cant please everyone! So giving people the opportunity would be nice but I wouldnt consider it necessary!

    You know your guests best!

    Personally for our OOTs we will let them know what we will be doing and if they want to join they are welcome to! But I think we will keep the rehearsal strictly that, host drinks and provide appettizers and AFTER possibly host a nice meal with are immediate family and some of the family members from Out of Town the night before the wedding! But most of our wedding guests are intimate and family!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    Some things to think of from my experience of having a destination to my home wedding with many Out of Town guests. First, if some of the guests also are from the area but don’t live there anymore, they most likely have things they would like to do or family to see while in town. Local guests won’t have as much time for pre-wedding events so expect to see mainly those who traveled. Guests who have never been there and have a car may also have an agenda. A group of DH’s friends flew in and rented a car together and made their own plans to visit local sights and take day trips to larger cities, they planned around our welcome BBQ and DH’s Bachelor evening but the rest of the time, they were on vacation. 

    Second, you will most likely not have time to enjoy these things with your guests. We had a welcome BBQ and i had hoped to be done with everything at that point but there were still errands to be done Friday morning (before our Sat. wedding). Planning long distance led to several in person things the week we were in town like dropping off the cake stand, floral vases, meeting with the DJ and cater, etc. We also had to fit in the groom’s haircut, manicures, and other grooming appointments that we waited until we were home to do. So, think about your realistic timeline and then give yourself a buffer day before agreeing to attend fun events with the guests. Otherwise, you’ll be stressed out and too busy to enjoy any of the events (this is what happened to me). 

    However, you need to know you guests. If no one knows the area and everyone is super afraid to explore on their own you will be better off organizing something for them. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    Some things to think of from my experience of having a destination to my home wedding with many Out of Town guests. First, if some of the guests also are from the area but don’t live there anymore, they most likely have things they would like to do or family to see while in town. Local guests won’t have as much time for pre-wedding events so expect to see mainly those who traveled. Guests who have never been there and have a car may also have an agenda. A group of DH’s friends flew in and rented a car together and made their own plans to visit local sights and take day trips to larger cities, they planned around our welcome BBQ and DH’s Bachelor evening but the rest of the time, they were on vacation. 

    Second, you will most likely not have time to enjoy these things with your guests. We had a welcome BBQ and i had hoped to be done with everything at that point but there were still errands to be done Friday morning (before our Sat. wedding). Planning long distance led to several in person things the week we were in town like dropping off the cake stand, floral vases, meeting with the DJ and cater, etc. We also had to fit in the groom’s haircut, manicures, and other grooming appointments that we waited until we were home to do. So, think about your realistic timeline and then give yourself a buffer day before agreeing to attend fun events with the guests. Otherwise, you’ll be stressed out and too busy to enjoy any of the events (this is what happened to me). 

    However, you need to know you guests. If no one knows the area and everyone is super afraid to explore on their own you will be better off organizing something for them. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i’m also getting married on sunday, but because we’re jewish. we’re not having any weekend events because 1) i don’t want to break the bank and 2) most of our oot guests observe shabbos. fmil is adamant about having a shabbos lunch, so if it’s important to her i told her she can plan it (and pay for it). it gets really complicated because none of the observant guests can travel or handle money, so i decided there were too many headaches for me to worry about it. i feel a little bad we’re not hosting more, but there are plenty of things for them to do on their own. it’s something i had to give up to maintain my sanity and my budget.

    Post # 14
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Voted for not entertaining guests.

    My wedding is on a Saturday, but the same question has been stressing me out — what do I owe my out of town guests?

    My Future Father-In-Law is hosting the rehearsal dinner, but he will only pay for the wedding party, which is the immediate family (nine of us total); most of my out of town guests are from my fiance’s side of the family, so my guy can explain to them, if they ask, why they were not invited. My parents are giving us some money for the wedding and then for a house, so I do not want to go to them for money. 

    Consequently, we are leaving welcome bags for folks staying at our hotel. Plus, we are thinking about dining out near the hotel after the wedding — each guest can pick up his or her own tab — and cordinating an excursion to a city museum that Sunday.

    Except for the welcome bags, nothing will come from our budget and we will surely be too busy and stressed to entertained everybody (at least I will b.)

    Hope this helps . . . 

    Post # 15
    Hostess
    16191 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Guests don’t need to be entertained on Friday night. That’s a lot of pressure on you right before the wedding. Maybe make them up a list of things they can do on their own on Saturday? But I’d say the only hosted events necessary are the rehearsal and the dinner. 🙂

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