(Closed) What would your reaction be? (kind of long sorry)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly, is it really worth telling her off?  It’s just going to make you angrier, and she’ll probably be satisfied that she upset you.

Post # 4
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

That sounds really petty on her part, but that fits with other behaviors of hers you’ve described, such as getting mad about your wedding date and having a competition over wedding rings. Is being petty in retaliation by telling her off really going to get you anywhere with her? If no, I wouldn’t bother. Don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing that she’s upset you as she intended.

Post # 5
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

She did do it on purpose…to get you to tell her off so she feels better about herself and maybe to even start telling stories about "how dare you ruin her wedding, blah blah blah!".

The best "revenge" is to act like it didn’t bother you at all, and that you are the most gracious person. Believe me, it will steam her to no end that she is not getting the reaction she wanted. Your husband and friends you tell/saw the situation at the wedding know she was petty. It’s over, take a deep breath and don’t socialize with her anymore if possible.

Post # 6
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I have to agree with smkarl. She obviously isn’t interested in being your friend so telling her off will basically accomplish nothing productive, like say, clearning the air/patching up your friendship etc.

Perhaps it’s time to evaluate why you and your husband (congrats btw!) are friends with this couple. Sadly, as we all start to marry off, friendships change because often one part of a couple doesn’t like another.

My mom always says that some friends in life come with you and some fall to the side. It sounds to me as if this couple is in the fall to the side category for you. Regardless, enjoy being a newlywed and don’t waste your time worrying about someone who clearly isn’t concerned with your feelings.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I don’t knwo if I agree with everyone. I won’t tell her off, that just gives her satisfaction but I would write her a letter/email letting her know that you noticed what happened and that it upset you. Explain that you made her feel welcome and apart of your wedding so the fact that she didnt show you the same respect makes you feel sad and is the reason why you can’t be friends anymore. You don’t have to be hostile but she should know how it made you feel, why she was wrong, and then you can decide if you want to continue the friendship.

Post # 9
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree, don’t tell her off. Don’t even write a letter or email (which, btw, will be out there for her to share or pass on to anyone she pleases) stating that cause if by some way out in left field, not even a possibility, she did leave your name off the card by accident (did I stress that this is not even a possibility? she totally did it on purpose), you would look like the jerk. Also, just guessing on this one, I can see her being the type of person to go off and say "I didn’t mean to leave her name off and look what she did!"

There are times (that I am not proud of) where I do something to get a reaction out of my fiance. When he doesn’t react, it upsets me even more. Think of it like that. You want her to be pissed and you not reacting will piss her off more. You win.

Post # 10
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Girlfriend, kill her with KINDNESS. Don’t let her KNOW that she DID get to you. It was definitely petty on her part and shows just how immature she is. She obviously was not thinking about the most important part of the wedding day…saying “I do” to your love, you know???

Don’t even talk to her anymore. That is not a friend that you want in your life. She would have probably made a good story on Bridezillas!!! LOL!

Post # 11
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I believe people only have two motivations for knowingly doing things: fear and love. People act selfish and petty out of a motivating fear and in this instance it is a social fear. A jealous fear that your mutual friends like you more. That when held up in comparison, people would naturally choose you over her. And so she keeps trying to prove her worth with ring size comparisons and wedding niceties. But in the end she is simply afraid that you would "show her up" at her wedding by being more of the center of attention. Don’t tell her off, but be sympathetic, maybe even pitying of someone who still plays these high-school self-esteem games. Don’t let her suck you into it all, and just hope that she grows out of it.

Post # 13
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

How sad that in the last days of planning for her wedding, making up seating charts and such, she had so little excitement over her big day that one of her main thoughts and priorities was to find some way to be mean and petty to you.  She must be a terribly insecure and unhappy person, and I’m sure she will have many years of misery ahead of her before she grows up enough to be able to be happy for her own good fortune, and happy for her friends as well.  She clearly sees her relationship with you as about competition, and to put that much energy into trying to slight you just shows that she really feels inferior to you.  She also pretty clearly saw her wedding as some kind of vehicle for taking out her insecurities and resulting aggressions on others, rather than as an opportunity for all her friends and family to share in her joy.  I would feel really sorry for her, and really fortunate that your life is so much better.  And, as has already been said, just don’t bother to socialize with her anymore.  (Why would you want to anyway?)

Post # 14
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

My Uncle Pete once told me (okay more than once, but that’s fine) about the theologian Thomas Aquinas. He said that Thomas was asked what was meant by the phrase "love thy enemy." How can you love someone who wants to do you harm? And Thomas said that "love" in this case wasn’t the same as romantic or familial love, but more a wish for good. To love thy enemy, you should wish good things for them, including things that end their attempts to do you harm. A real good, and not just a wish to let them get what they want. As an example, if your friend is a violent alcoholic, the good you would wish for them is a way out of the disease, rather than a wish for all the whiskey that they want. So love this woman by wishing her an end to her self-esteem issues and listen to Saint Tommy  or even John Lennon. "All you need is love."

Post # 15
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i would be annoyed but dont get to you and make you angry. What she did was immature but you don’t have to be immature about it too. Just let it go

Post # 16
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I am going to agree with RyanT and many of the others. As difficult as it is to be kind to someone who has slighted you, I’ve found that it is hard to get much of anywhere by reacting in kind (by slighting them back). I would venture to guess that if you did react strongly, you would give her what she was looking for and possibly end up feeling badly about yourself afterward. Take yourself out of the cycle of anger! It’s empowering:)

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