(Closed) What would your reaction be to a birthday ring?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, nope. If I got a “birthday ring” after ten years with a person, I’d be done. That’s honestly just cruel (if the receiver wanted to get married). 

Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

F that shit, I wouldn’t have a bar of it.

Post # 4
Member
9755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’d be more worried about why I wasn’t living with someone after ten years. 

Idk what to say about this, I don’t think I would be mad over it. I might sit my SO down and explain how much I want to marry him (if I hadn’t already) and discuss a timeline. If that’s something that’s already been done then either a. they haven’t hit the timeline and I’m not going to bitch yet or b. they passed the agreed timeline already and at this point it’s my fault for staying.

Post # 5
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Because I’m expecting a proposal in the next year I told my boyfriend right before Christmas not to buy me a non engagement ring for Christmas, Valentine’s day, or my birthday coming up. He didn’t understand at first but I basically told him “it would just be cruel.” I think it was insensitive of your boyfriend to buy you a “birthday” ring. Have you discussed with him why he hasn’t proposed yet and how long you are willing to wait? 

Post # 6
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

The humiliation when you opened the box, started tearing up and shaking and then 30 seconds later realize this isn’t a birthday proposal….yeah. I would be too embarassed to ever look anyone present in the eye again. I’d just walk out and never look back.

Post # 7
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee

Is this person wearing it on their left ring finger? I don’t know why anyone would be confused about it being an engagement ring unless it’s being worn like one. 

Not knowing anything about how the girl feels about being together 10 years and not living together/not being engaged I hesitate to condemn the gift as insensitive. 

Post # 8
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it is kind of ungrateful to get upset at a gift like this. If you have problems with the status of your relationship and you have been holding on to that for years rather than talking about that status and the direction and future of said relationship then you are just as much to blame. 

A gift is just that. You can’t blame another person because of your expectations.

Post # 9
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

1) How old are they both?

2) are they wanting to be married? 

3) is the girl wearing it on her righthand?

 

I’d be really annoyed and clarify things with bf. 

Post # 10
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
Mlim :  I agree with

View original reply
slomotion :  Why are they not living together after decade?! That just seems mad to me.

 

To be honest, I think I either would be so pissed off and upset that would be the end of things, or I may turn around and say seriously, WTF, and not wear the ring.

Post # 11
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think we’re missing some information here, such as age and general situation. If 10 years together includes years of being in school and both living at home, maybe it’s not the worst situation. But after a certain age, it is a little strange to keep stringing someone along (not that he is, necessarily).

It might be wise to sit him down and talk about your future. I know a lot of men are scared of that idea, but it’s something that needs to be clarified. You have to make sure you’re on the same page. He might just be oblivious to your feelings, and just saw the ring as a nice piece of jewelery for you. If that’s the case, it’s still a really nice gesture.

If it were me, I’d bring it up in a more casual way. Something like “it’s crazy how people are thinking that this is an engagement ring, I never know how to answer them…” and see where it leads. If he doesn’t see the conversation as pressure, maybe he’ll be more open with his thoughts.

Post # 12
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I guess it depends on how to situation went down. If she is expecting an engagement (which after ten years come on) and she opened a ring box hoping it was an engagement ring only to find out it’s not? I wouldn’t be too happy. My husband and I dated for 5 years before he proposed, and I received several right hand rings from him during this time and wasn’t upset. I love jewelry and wasn’t expecting an engagement at the time. 

Post # 13
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

theres nothing wrong with not living together and a million reasons why

 

I dont live with my fiance and we have been together 10 years, my parents didnt live together for over ten year, although my grandparents where listed at the same address my grandfathers all worked long distance so were rarely at the house and lived long periods in other locations

 

I also know tonnes of divorced people who are in long term relationships and have their own houses and lived seperately so as not to risk their assets AGAIN which is just common sense really

 

whats wierd is other people thinking there some ‘rule’ that says you have to do what they/or what they percieve everyone else does

Post # 14
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

At the risk of sounding ungrateful:

After 10 years and just recieving a birthday ring, I’d take it as a slap in the face! 

It would be ONE THING if they agreed they didn’t want to get married and it was just a ‘commitment ring’…but if there is talk/hope of marriage this is just mean.

Post # 15
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Hmm. I have received a few rings for Birthdays, Christmas, Anniversarys etc. so I clearly don’t object to the idea.

As PPs have said though:

– Why aren’t they living together after 10 years? He should be independant enough by now to be able to afford a place of his own/live with her?

– What does the ring look like?

– Is she wearing it on her right hand? If not, then yeah people will ask.

I’d be miffed, but her bf probably doesn’t get why it’s a problem.

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