Post # 1
there’s a theme i’ve seen popping up around the bee lately and i’m wondering what others think.
To me, I’ve always seen the bride’s primary role as a hostess to her guests. Ok I suppose it would be second to being her groom’s future wife, but ultimately, I feel that when it comes down to making decisions about your wedding shouldn’t being a good hostess be top priority? I understand that some subjective elements like how formal the wedding is can never please everyone (ok realistically NOTHING can please everyone) but what would you say is more important to you? Would you rather have everything go your way for your wedding or would you rather yours guests have the best time attending it? Probably most people want the best of both worlds, but when it comes to more controversial decisions would you rather go with your own preference or the convenience of your guests?
Post # 3
I can’t really think of anything that I really wanted but my guests wouldn’t have. What controversial decisions are you thinking?
Honestly, I would go with what I wanted. Everyone knows that a wedding day is for the bride and groom. The guests got their own days (or will) and it’s not their turn to speak their mind.
Post # 4
@rawrrrrr: I went with my guests comfort all the way. To me, I’m hosting a party celebrating my marriage. I cut out a florist, a planner, wedding band, professional printer, etc. just so I could host an open bar, have a welcome dinner the night before, and a thank you brunch the morning after. Everyone has different priorities though, it just comes down to preference.
Post # 5
@rawrrrrr: I think most people try to have both ways. At the same time, realizing you can’t please everyone, ever, makes it easier to lean towards your own preference when you’re on the fence about something.
Post # 6
I believe that when you invite people to your wedding, the wedding ceases to be “all about you”. I want to my guests to have fun, and I don’t want to offend them. So I’ll always go with what is better for my guests than what it better for me, my wallet, etc.. Sure, I’d love to not have to pay for alcohol, people’s signifigant others and what have you, but I am only inviting my nearest and dearest friends and family to my wedding, why would I want to potentially offend/hurt ANY of these people for ONE DAY?!
I see so many “it’s your day”, “you chose to be a vegetarian so F*ck you!”, “I don’t even KNOW his girlfriend, why should I pay for her dinner, they can’t be apart for ONE NIGHT?!”, and it truly baffles me. If brides feel this way about these people, WHY are they inviting them to their wedding?
If you really want your wedding to be all about you, and everything be exactly your way, elope. Easy peasy.
Post # 7
Our guests comfort was a top priorty for us. We invited everyone with a guest, had huge food stations to satisfy all preferences, created Out of Town bags with everything we could think of that they might need, open bar, etc. We felt so honored that they were celebrating with us, and we wanted them to have a great time.
Post # 9
@Birdee106: “controversial decisions” mostly referring to (as other posters have noted) where to spend money such as open bars, +1’s, good food, adequate space, versus dream dress, perfect flowers, fancy invitations etc.
Post # 10
Your guests’ comfort should ABSOLUTELY be a top priority. It truely boggles my mind that some brides budget for flowers, dress, invites, decor, etc. but do not budget for alcohol and SOs/+1s.
I understand that you can’t please everyone, but you can do your best to make sure everyone is taken care of. Also, a tight budget isn’t an excuse to be a poor hostess.
Post # 11
– To marry the groom, and be ready to celebrate her happiness with her loved ones 🙂
– To be an excellent hostess
Those are the two hats I’ll be wearing that day. That is everything going my way. I don’t care about the little stuff like if someone’s child is crying at an inopportune moment, or the flowers are wilty, or whatever. If I want silence and gorgeous flowers I’ll buy some flowers myself and enjoy them privately on any other day in my life. It’s not that having the little details go off perfectly wouldn’t be nice, but none of them are worth being what I would consider a poor hostess.
IMO a wedding can be a perfect wedding even if everyone is dressed in completely different styles, a child loudly sings “the song that never ends” throughout the entire thing, the uncle that drinks too much drinks too much, and it hails…indoors. Because it’s all about the feelings in the room. If the people are joyful the wedding is joyful and that’s what will really strike your heart. Even as my makeup is pouring down my face onto my dress from the bizarre indoor hail, I’ll feel joy. We’ll be laughing.
That said, I hope my makeup stays on my face, and that there is no hail. I’d really like to get a few good photos (I mean about 10 good ones, but even one would do), to remember the day. That’s my most important detail. But let’s say that my photographer fails to show up and the amateur photographers in my family succeed in taking only blurry pictures with our heads cut off. That would be crappy, but it wouldn’t ruin the wedding, the memory, or my joy.
Post # 12
Would you be comfortable in a dream dress but serving chips? This is an exagerration, but if you want your invitees to come, do you really not care about them at all?
Post # 13
@rawrrrrr: IMO if you are inviting guests to a personal event your role should be hostess. Family and friends of course are going to feel obligated to attend your wedding. If for some reason you are unable to accomodate them it’s best not to have guests at all.
Post # 14
It’s strange, being the honored person of the party and also the hostess.
Planning a wedding reminded me of my birthday parties as a kid. Whenever I went to someone ELSE’S birthday party, the birthday girl always went first and got the special treatment. At MY birthday parties, I always went last because guests are always given the special/courteous treatment. So basically it was never my turn to go first.
Post # 15
i definitely choose my guests being happy….. i cut way back on my dress, accessories, flowers, paper etc so that we really are able to give an amazing party…..3 days of food and booze, 2 bands, a dj, late night snacks etc
i think obviously there are some things that would be nice (like paying for their rooms) but just were not possible
i absolutely love throwing amazing parties and this will be my (& our patents ) biggest and best!
Post # 16
@joya_aspera: Brava, this is perfect! I just have to keep hoping everyone will be caught up in good vibes on my FIs & my wedding day 😀