(Closed) What’s a good answer to “How much should we give you for your wedding?”

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would completely say something like “We’re so happy that you’ll be there!  Wow, I really love that dress you’re wearing.  Where did you get it at?” and change the topic.

 

Probably not the best approach, but I don’t like questions like that either…

Post # 4
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm. That’s hard. I’d normally answer with “Whatever you feel comfortable with giving. This can mean different things for different people and there’s no definite set amount for a wedding – but if you really aren’t sure then our registry will give you a good idea” or something along those lines. I don’t know if that helps.

Post # 5
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First of all, no couple (or attendants, etc for that matter) should ever be asked that question. It is up to the guest to decide what they personally can afford and want to give. If they persist, continue to ignore their crazy questions. Unfortunately some people don’t get a hint and it’s rude for you to come out and say certain things in return.

Post # 6
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i think the ONLY thing you can say is “we just want you there to celebrate with us!”  or something along those lines…if they persist, you can direct them to your mom or Maid/Matron of Honor or their own parents/friends (or weddingbee) for guidance. 

Post # 7
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think your answers are perfect. There is no other way to answer that kind of question.

Post # 8
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Selene221:Whilst I agree that it’s a question that shouldn’t be asked I don’t think it’s fair for the couple to just not answer the question. I had some friends who came to my wedding who’d never been to one before and wanted to know how to dress and if they were expected to bring a gift, etc. There’s no harm in gently helping them along. Just my 2 cents.

Post # 9
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s one thing to ask how to dress, etc but it’s something else entirely to ask how much the couple wants as a cash gift. The first is perfectly ok, the second isn’t.

Post # 10
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Selene221:I agree that it’s an awkward question. I’m just saying that I think any question from someone who hasn’t been to a lot of weddings does deserve to be answered – even if it’s a vague, “well we’d like anything off our registry” just to help them out.

Post # 11
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with that sentiment, which is why tangible store registries are much prefered instead of cash gifts by the majority of guests in real life, even if the online community doesn’t believe that to be the case at all. It eliminates the awkwardness that is nearly always accompanied by cash gifts.

Post # 13
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think your answer is perfect too.  However, if your social group hasn’t done many weddings yet, I can understand how the discussion comes up.  Nobody wants to look cheap or over-extravagant.  If someone is insistent, then just say, “whatever is in your budget or we would be honored if you made a donation in our name to such and such charity”

Post # 14
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’d probably just fake ignorance and say “I don’t know either!” and say perhaps they should look online or ask for advice elsewhere (from another family member of yours or their own parents or something)? That way I don’t have to tell them haha

Post # 15
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with deathbydesign. “I don’t know either… Maybe we should google it.” And then don’t, and hope they google it without you.

But then again, I say to google everything.

Post # 16
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

There”s really no other polite way to answer other than what you’ve been answering. Just stick to your stock answers and eventually people will realize you’re not going to give them a specific dollar amount.

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