(Closed) Whats everyones take on being a MOH, BM etc.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, it’s not required that BMs go dress shopping, so normally, if a Bridesmaid or Best Man can’t go, she can’t go and it’s unfair to be uspet with her.  However, in your case I’d be pissed that your friend bailed last minute after other people had to take off work to accomodate her schedule.  I would talk with her and let her know that it was frustrating that she did this.  Just let her know that it’s ok if she can’t come to stuff, but to please not commit to something if she’s unsure she can actually make it. 

Post # 4
Member
6537 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d be peeved since you planned it around her scheudle. That being said, she’s bailed. I’d go with whomever else can go, and pick your dress. Since Maid/Matron of Honor bailed, she doesn’t get to complain about the dress choice. My Maid/Matron of Honor has two kids, so I planned our shopping around her as well. 

I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who wanted to go with me and Maid/Matron of Honor dress shopping (for me). I had wanted it to  be just Maid/Matron of Honor and me, but then had to include my sister, so I agreed to her coming. I told her that we were leaving my house at xx time. That morning she texts me that she overslept and wouldn’t make it. I said okay. Then she texts me as we’re pulling out of my driveway saying if we can wait 30 minutes she’ll shower and be there. I told her “no way”, we were already on the road. Seriously, we made these plans in advance and I totally understand if you can’t make it but I won’t rearrange them.

Post # 6
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

IMO, your BMs & Maid/Matron of Honor only have a few responsibilities: buying the dress that you’ve chosen, showing up on time for the rehearsal & wedding, and being with you (and pleasant!) at your ceremony & reception. Usually, girls also understand they are to help throw a shower & bachelorette party as well.

Anything beyond that is just out of the goodness of their hearts. I think it is pretty unfair to expect them to help with dress shopping, DIY projects, addressing invitations, and all the other things I’ve heard brides “expect” their girls to do. I agree it was crappy of her to ditch you, but I wouldn’t be mad because she wasn’t excited about your special wedding-related errands. Like you said, it would have been nice to have her there, but try not to put too much premarital pressure on this long-term friendship.

As brides, we have to remember that we care more about our weddings than anyone else. Be proud that this friend is doing you the honor of standing beside you on one of the most important days of your life! Don’t get swept up in the drama that unrealistic expectations can cause.

Post # 7
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

@soontobesaieed: +1 to all of this.

I would be annoyed that it was planned around HER schedule and she canceled, however I’d just enjoy your appointment! Sucks that she can’t be there, but she’s the one missing out on a fun day!

Post # 8
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh dear…I completely understand being upset about this, it seems like everyone really went above and beyond to cater to MOH’s schedule on this one…but I just gotta ask, if it was anything other than BM/MOH dress shopping, if it was a night on the town or a girl’s day out and she had to bail because she needed to move…would you guys still be as upset with her? 

Moving is a horrible and exhausting process even under the best of circumstances, but if her life is as busy as you say already, you are lucky she didn’t just go insane and start throwing her clothes onto passing cars and jump a train to Mexico.

Honestly, I’m sure she feels terribly about missing the shopping excursion, but she has to take care of business first…as a current, crazy busy, Maid/Matron of Honor I can tell you that the bride has had to separate her shopping trips with the other ladies and me because of my schedule, I’ve had to cancel three times due to unforseen circumstances with sick/hurt family members and when we finally managed to go, it was just the two of us, we had a ball and found a dress and everything…I promise it will all work out.

Post # 9
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Hmm I would say dress shopping is not a definite responsibility. It would be nice if she can make it, but she doesn’t have to. That being said though, she should have told you well ahead if she wasn’t going to make it since it was planned around her schedule, and it has inconvenienced others. I think the real issue is not that she isn’t going dress shopping but that cancelling plans last minute at the inconvenience of others is generally poor friend behaviour, not poor bridesmaid behaviour specifically

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