Post # 1
Im just curious to know what everyones take is on the wedding party, Do they have any responsiblity? Should/ Do you expect anything from them?
The reason why im asking is b/c about a month and a half ago I decided that its time to go Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping. Now MOHs schedule is crazy so i planned it around hers so that we could go on her off day(its pretty much impossible for her to take a day off if its not her normal sched.) So i cordinated with the rest of the party and made sure it would work with everyone. It did, but 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man had to take work off, THEY WERE TOTALLY OKAY WITH IT!! I did not ask anyone to take work off..
The monday before the appointment(Appt was sat), i spoke with everyone making sure they could still all go, Maid/Matron of Honor said yes shes on board still, even tho that she would be MOVING the next weekend. Wednesday comes around and i get a text from Maid/Matron of Honor, i prob cant go on saturday, gotta move. Well I let her know how i felt that i was totally expecting her to bail but it was total BS b/c it was planned around HER schedule. She told me she woul dlet me know on sat with a def answer. Well about 2 hrs before the appointment she calls and said I cant go.
I was just really upset/ pissed b/c this was planned around HER schedule, and she new she wold be moving for months now, so she had all that time to pack. Its not like i was asking her to go above and beyond with doing things, but I really needed her there for the dress picking.
AM I JUST BEING UNREASONABLE EXPECTING HER TO BE AT THE DRESS APPOINTMENT?(which was scheduled around HER schedule)
Post # 3
Well, it’s not required that BMs go dress shopping, so normally, if a Bridesmaid or Best Man can’t go, she can’t go and it’s unfair to be uspet with her. However, in your case I’d be pissed that your friend bailed last minute after other people had to take off work to accomodate her schedule. I would talk with her and let her know that it was frustrating that she did this. Just let her know that it’s ok if she can’t come to stuff, but to please not commit to something if she’s unsure she can actually make it.
Post # 4
I’d be peeved since you planned it around her scheudle. That being said, she’s bailed. I’d go with whomever else can go, and pick your dress. Since Maid/Matron of Honor bailed, she doesn’t get to complain about the dress choice. My Maid/Matron of Honor has two kids, so I planned our shopping around her as well.
I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who wanted to go with me and Maid/Matron of Honor dress shopping (for me). I had wanted it to be just Maid/Matron of Honor and me, but then had to include my sister, so I agreed to her coming. I told her that we were leaving my house at xx time. That morning she texts me that she overslept and wouldn’t make it. I said okay. Then she texts me as we’re pulling out of my driveway saying if we can wait 30 minutes she’ll shower and be there. I told her “no way”, we were already on the road. Seriously, we made these plans in advance and I totally understand if you can’t make it but I won’t rearrange them.
Post # 5
Im just totally bumming b/c as Maid/Matron of Honor and by bff for 17 yrs i thought that she would be part of the exciting sutff. she coulnt make any of my dress appointments… not a huge deal. but would of liked her there. and now this.. i feel like shes gonna flake on everything else.. but at least im prparing myself for it now.
Post # 6
IMO, your BMs & Maid/Matron of Honor only have a few responsibilities: buying the dress that you’ve chosen, showing up on time for the rehearsal & wedding, and being with you (and pleasant!) at your ceremony & reception. Usually, girls also understand they are to help throw a shower & bachelorette party as well.
Anything beyond that is just out of the goodness of their hearts. I think it is pretty unfair to expect them to help with dress shopping, DIY projects, addressing invitations, and all the other things I’ve heard brides “expect” their girls to do. I agree it was crappy of her to ditch you, but I wouldn’t be mad because she wasn’t excited about your special wedding-related errands. Like you said, it would have been nice to have her there, but try not to put too much premarital pressure on this long-term friendship.
As brides, we have to remember that we care more about our weddings than anyone else. Be proud that this friend is doing you the honor of standing beside you on one of the most important days of your life! Don’t get swept up in the drama that unrealistic expectations can cause.
Post # 7
@soontobesaieed: +1 to all of this.
I would be annoyed that it was planned around HER schedule and she canceled, however I’d just enjoy your appointment! Sucks that she can’t be there, but she’s the one missing out on a fun day!
Post # 8
Oh dear…I completely understand being upset about this, it seems like everyone really went above and beyond to cater to MOH’s schedule on this one…but I just gotta ask, if it was anything other than BM/MOH dress shopping, if it was a night on the town or a girl’s day out and she had to bail because she needed to move…would you guys still be as upset with her?
Moving is a horrible and exhausting process even under the best of circumstances, but if her life is as busy as you say already, you are lucky she didn’t just go insane and start throwing her clothes onto passing cars and jump a train to Mexico.
Honestly, I’m sure she feels terribly about missing the shopping excursion, but she has to take care of business first…as a current, crazy busy, Maid/Matron of Honor I can tell you that the bride has had to separate her shopping trips with the other ladies and me because of my schedule, I’ve had to cancel three times due to unforseen circumstances with sick/hurt family members and when we finally managed to go, it was just the two of us, we had a ball and found a dress and everything…I promise it will all work out.
Post # 9
Hmm I would say dress shopping is not a definite responsibility. It would be nice if she can make it, but she doesn’t have to. That being said though, she should have told you well ahead if she wasn’t going to make it since it was planned around her schedule, and it has inconvenienced others. I think the real issue is not that she isn’t going dress shopping but that cancelling plans last minute at the inconvenience of others is generally poor friend behaviour, not poor bridesmaid behaviour specifically