(Closed) What's happening to the Bee?! {vent}

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 62
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@krayzay87:  I kind of agree with the first comment. I also want love and support… but truthful support. If I am being inconsiderate, or a zilla, or just not seeing the “truth” of a situation, I want to know it. I don’t come here to get smoke up my butt (I just love that term hahaha). I want honest, helpful advise.

Saying that… some women on here (I assume are women) are just constatntly trying to be negative. I just ignore…

Post # 63
Member
9773 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m on several forums for different topics and I think this one is by far the most tame. People can be brutal on the internet. It also seems like what a lot of people consider “snark” is simply someone not agreeing with their opinion, or not phrasing it in the most polite way. You can’t come to an open forum and ask for people’s opinions and then be upset when they aren’t the same as yours.

Post # 64
Member
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@FauxBoho:  i agree.  some people do need an eye opener.  

perhaps it’s just the way the comments are written or the way bees are reading it.  proper communication is not 100% when it’s on the internet.  all you can do it type and read.  you can’t express tone of voice or witness the non-verbal cues, therefore, comments, suggestions or statements can be extremely misconstrued.

Post # 65
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think this site is lovely! I used to hang around on the horse section of yahoo and I have NEVER seen such a group of nasty, know it alls before or since. You get full on bullied there, simply for having a different opinion to someone and it really IS a popularity contest. If you think this site is bad, have a look around there..

I actually don’t see bullying on this site. The mods delete snark/name calling, people have different opinions, but isn’t that kind of the point? If you want people to flatter you and your ideas each time you say something, talk to your friends. If you want honest feedback, ask strangers on the internet.

Post # 66
Bee
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

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@Birdi:  +1 times a million

Post # 67
Member
5843 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Having been a member for a few years, these posts show up like clockwork once every couple months. If anything this site was WAY worse like 18 months ago and even then it was nicer than 99% of the internet.  

Post # 68
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@Lovemelovemyhorses:  I completely know what you are talking about! Horse people are weird. I mean, if you don’t agree with them their blood curdles and they launch full-on flame wars.

 

I enjoy this forum but there are certain posts and topics I have learnt to avoid. Having said that, I have also learnt that sometimes it pays to stand up for yourself.

Post # 70
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@FauxBoho:  +1

Completely agree.  I’ve seen a few posts on here where people will say later in the thread that a responder was being rude, but really, some of these posts are just completely irrational and out of line.  

We’re talking about weddings (and babies in some posts…. problem parents…. careers… etc), essentially, emotional and sometimes stressful things… people are GOING to be emotionally invested and may not see things clearly.  I think a jolt of honesty is necessary.  

This site, compared to other forums, is extremely accomodating of various opinions, even ones that are absolutely against etiquette.  There seems to be a lot of people willing to overlook a lot of rudeness to support the OP, so I’m not sure why anyone would think it’s a nasty place.  I don’t reply if I have nothing constructive to say, but at times I’m just like “OMG, I cannot believe people are encouraging this!”  I just think it’s a very very tolerant group in general.

Post # 71
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Olivepepper:  Exactly.

Nobody is holding a gun to your head to be here. If you don’t like a thread, just stop reading it. There’s a reason why I avoid the Waiting boards – the ladies there wouldn’t appreciate my POV of what they talk about, so I just don’t go in there.

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@FauxBoho: +1

Post # 72
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@FauxBoho:  +1 this is fair.

 

However, I don’t think of myself as someone who is thin-skinned at all, and I stopped posting for months because of the drama. I had defended someone in a thread (and by defended I mean just said maybe we should all drop it because the person had already deactivated) and I got nasty messages about how the person I was “defending” had talked shit about me in the offshoot forum, blah blah blah. It wasn’t me being too sensitive to not hang around the Bee as much, it’s more just a matter of not having time for that kind of catty drama. 

Post # 73
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The first comment was 100% correct. This is the Internet. A public forum. Anyone can join, so anyone can comment. What gets me is I think a lot of the posts where a harsh dose of reality is sorely needed are posted by people who would never ask their family and friends IRL because they know they’d get flamed for it – so why on earth would posting it online garner different results?

Everyone needs to understand that when you put something out on the Internet for feedback you cannot expect to just get validation. It is your opinion, and you are entitled to it. However, everyone else is too. I would take honesty (even if it is harsh or mean) over fluffy yes-men and validation any day. 

If you’re not crazy about the honest opinions, then just avoid threads that might set you off. You can usually just tell by the title. 

Post # 74
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@PinkPinstripes:  This is not a utopia of sunshine and unicorns, it’s the Internet. Proceed accordingly.


Haha, yes!  OP, I’ve been around for a year and half and I have to say, I respectfully disagree.  The WeddingBee is a wonderful and supportive community.  Sure, there are some threads that get a bit out of control or the occasional snarky comment, but I honestly don’t think it’s gotten worse.

Just because someone disagrees with you (general) or doesn’t tell you want you want to hear, it does not mean that person is rude, negative, or a bully.  It’s ok to have disagreements.  I’ve had plenty on here.  What’s important is what you take away.  You can choose to let it get to you or you can try and learn from it. Sometimes I let it go and sometimes I think, “Hmmm.. maybe so-and-so actually had a good point.”  I’m from the States, and I used to agrue with brides from othe countries about cash bars and wishing wells and tiered receptions.  But after much debating, I’ve learned why those things are perfectly acceptable in their culture.

It’s also important to remember that people have different tolerances and definitions of snarky/rudeness.  Tone can be very hard to get across.  And if you’re already in a defensive mind-set, you’re more likely to read comments in a negative and snarky tone even if that’s not how the poster meant it.  Take PinkPin’s comment; I found it to be straight foward and accurate, yet polite.  Clearly other posters have thought it rude and negative.  I think the mods do a good job of deleting the really snarky and nasty comments, but I don’t think it’s realistic to cater to the most sensitive posters.

 

 

Post # 75
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@paula1248:  Well I can’t say I’ve ever seen 20 people get bullied. That sounds awfully exaggerative. 

I think it also depends on how you’re defining “bullying.”

Post # 76
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

The internet doesn’t imply tone. Tone is what you make of it.

I’m a firm believer that if you have tender feelings, the internet is not for you. Not that you need to be a hardass, but everyone needs to thicken up. If someone has an opinion you don’t like, that doesn’t mean they’re bullying you, that either of you or wrong, or that they’re being mean, they just feel differently than you.

No website is going to be sunshine and rainbows. I think it’s unrealistic to expect that.

 

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