(Closed) What's happening to the Bee?! {vent}

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 77
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@PinkPinstripes:  +1

 

Some posters put all their business out then get upset when someone doesn’t agree with them. This is by far the least tolerant (moderation-wise) site I’ve seen on the internet. Honestly, where else would a comment be deleted for sarcasm?

 

If you feed off the attention you get from posting your ring, wedding, whatever, then be prepared for someone else to not like it. Sometimes the theme around here is like, “look at me! look at me! but only if you want to complement me!”

Post # 78
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you do not want honesty from a variety of sources (some being fake, bored posters), then dont post. 

Seriously.

Just dont post. 

You can always leave comments, start up friendships, take it to PMs… but if you are going to get upset because someone leaves you a comment that *may* appear as slightly snarky, then dont post. 

Think of your RL friendships. Every one has a friend or coworker who is brutally honest. For my relationships, I chose to not tell her everything or to ask her opinions on things I know she will be vocally adament about. It works the same way on the internet. All of our personalities are different. All of our backgrounds, cultures, and mindsets are vastly different. We are different. 

(Also, this post wasn’t meant to discourage anyone from posting. It was more of a reflection that many posters who write “what’s happening here” posts are usually on the more sensitive side. I dont like it when people have hurt feelings, but I also dont like to be discouraged from giving an honest opinion when someone gives me an open forum.)

Post # 79
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think everyone just needs to take this forum for what it is. Anyone can join, anyone can post, and every single one of us has an opinion… We can’t all agree on everything! Yes, some people are rude and snarky because they can be, but if we don’t feed the trolls, they won’t hang around.

Post # 80
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I came over from TheKnot.  It can be relatively unforgiving over there if you’re not careful.  I think the Bee is super pleasant in comparison. 

The only reason I ever came over to Weddingbee was because the posters changed.  Two years ago when I checked in on this place it seemed like a candy coated sugar land with one too many unicorns.  I couldn’t stand it!  Now that there seems to be a little more structure to the advice going around, I love it!

Post # 81
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@PinkPinstripes:  Totally agree.  I’ve been on WB for over 3 years now and these types of posts come up every month or so.  Sometimes people can just be too sensitive.  This is an open forum and when you open yourself up to the thoughts and opinions of the world, not everyone is going to agree with you.  That’s part of life.  Honestly, I think this is a great place overall (otherwise I wouldn’t still be here).

Besides, I’ve seen the major drama fests that occur every so often on the Hive and now is certainly not one of those times.

Post # 82
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think people go out of their way to help others on here.  We don’t even know each other and are taking the time to listen to our stories and invest part of our day here when we all could be doing something else.

I have yet to see this a negative community.

Post # 83
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@PinkPinstripes:  agreed

I’ve been on the bee for along time its not always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes people are cranky, other times they are happy as can be. For every not so nice bee there’s 10 lovely bees. Everyone isn’t always going to be nice. 

Post # 84
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@Miss Jackrabbit:  
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@Olivepepper:  
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@RunsWithBears:  +1

One thing I always notice in threads like these is that it tends to be users with low post count who start them and agree with the OP that people here are mean. Because I feel this needs to be said, I’M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN OR A BULLY OR PICK ON ANYONE. What I mean is that those posters who have not been around here for a long time have not had a chance to get to know the community and the way things go around here. I HIGHLY suggest that users lurk before they post–read lots of topics and the replies and get a feel for how things go around here before you call people meanies.

Like someone said, if you come here and post, “omg my bridesmaid is fat and I’m going to ask her to go on a diet!” or “I’m going to hire models to be my bridesmaids because I want thin, blonde bridesmaids and my friends are all fat and brunette” (yes, someone posted both of those), expect people to rip you apart.

Post # 85
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know; I’m a poster who calls it like I see it. That doesn’t make me a bully & the use of that word is getting out of control. We’re grown women–are we surprised that assholes have access to the Internet?  They’re everywhere in life. Just have to put on the big girl panties and deal. Or call them out, that’s what I like to do 😉

Post # 86
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is hands down the most rainbows/sunshine online forum I’ve ever seen in my life.  Seriously, the animal rescue forums I’m on get nastier.  I’ll also be the first to say that I’m not exactly the living embodiment of sweetness and light either.  But when people post things like “How DARE someone only buy me $25 worth of items on my registry, anything less than $100 is an insult”, or “He only gave me a 1ct e-ring, I’m thinking of leaving him” or “I think an Afghanistan vet is going to upstage me”, they need a reality check.  Not an “Oh punkin, you need to be more forgiving of the people that gave you $25 worth of gifts”,  more of a “Keep acting like a spoiled brat and you’ll be lucky if people even show up”. 

When you see threads with titles similar to “My e-ring is too small”, “My proposal wasn’t dramatic enough/YouTube worthy”, if the words “upstaged” or “stealing thunder” are anywhere involved, you know there will be drama.  Don’t like drama?  Don’t click, or at least if you do, don’t be surprised if you see comments that aren’t full of loving support. 

Post # 88
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

Hmmm… IDK… I used to be on the Bee about a year ago, with a different user name.  I had a ton of posts, but I was bullied by some ladies here.  Some people even found my blog and bullied me there.  So I deleted my profile, and I was like, “I’m done with the Bee!”

But I missed being able to chat about things, so I rejoined.  However, some details about me have been changed.  Like, that’s not my real wedding date.  Things like that. 

I think the Bee is friendlier than it was a year or two ago, for sure.  It’s been nice.

Post # 89
Member
6261 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

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@krayzay87:  “Of these “what’s going on here” posts creep up every month or so then maybe there IS a problem that needs to be addressed.    Just a thought”

It’s part of the nature of a community like this that those problems cannot be addressed. It’s part of the TOS of the site that people should be respectful and avoid snark, and if they are overly snarky, they are banned. If you have a better idea, you are welcome to propose it in the Ideas section of the site. Writing a thread like this will not fix anything, though, because most people will just ignore it.

I have been reading Weddingbee for almost two years now, and I have to say that I haven’t seen much of a change at all. It’s always been pretty much like it is now, and if people don’t like it, they can just not be a part of it. You mentioned in the OP that you want to connect with ladies from all over the world- does it not occur to you that a forum with millions of members might be representative of the population, including snarky b**ches and all? 

I actually think that the diversity of responses, including the snarky ones, is helpful because in general when I am looking for opinions, I am testing the waters for how something would be received by those I know. I am surely not alone in that not everyone I know is polite/will agree with me. Having someone tell me that my dress makes me look pregnant is actually valuable, because I have had the time to dwell on it and decide how I feel about that issue. That way, if someone says that to me in real life, it won’t come as a shock and it won’t phase me. 

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@beemo:  you do realize that most of the members here do have 500 posts or less, right? 

Post # 90
Member
6261 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

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@vorpalette:  I was going to say the same thing- that these threads usually get started by people who have been around long enough to think they know the forum, but haven’t been around long enough to actually know it. I decided against saying it, but I’m glad you did.

I think part of the problem might be that when people come to weddingbee, they are usually waiting or just engaged and start off with whatever about weddings has their interest at the moment- like rings, or a dress, or invitations- so they are usually attracted to the same types of posts on the same few boards. Once they are done with the first few topics that hold their interest (maybe they got bored of looking at ring pics or they picked their dress), they branch out into the rest of the community and start clicking on threads that attract more drama, and get upset/are disillusioned. 

Post # 91
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

A lot of the threads that blow up and get closed/deleted usually have a common theme: a bride/waiting bee coming to vent about something because the have no one to talk to or no one understands.  Usually the poster is being unreasonable but no one in their life tells them or they don’t talk about their problem because they don’t want to be told they are wrong.  For some reason they hope people on the internet will agree with them.  Here is the anatomy of these threads:

Poster makes thread about family stealing thunder/not paying enough money/not caring enough about wedding

Bees comment that bride is being a little unreasonable/suggest try to look at it a different way

OP says people are being mean and attacking when she was only looking for support

Bees tell OP to SIT DOWN

Thread gets closed

The topic ‘What's happening to the Bee?! {vent}’ is closed to new replies.

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