(Closed) What’s her friggen’ problem?!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

As much as I hate the “y’all are just jealous” defense, in this case I think it might be true. She sounds a little bitter that you have the means to have a nicer wedding than what she had, and her way of dealing with it is convincing herself (and anyone who will listen) that your wedding plans are overly extravagant and unnecessarily costly.

I am a little surprised there is a comparison going on between a first wedding and a vow renewal though…it’s kind of apples and oranges to begin with. But maybe she’s just super competitive. Or did she have a really small wedding the first time around and she’s looking at this renewal like it is her major ceremony?

Is she always so competitive, or is this a new thing? If it just started now, ignore it, it will be over in 6 months, and it’s not worth straining your relationships with your inlaws to tell her off.

Post # 4
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just tell her all red flowers are overdone and you wanted to do something fresher. It’s mean, but she should really be quite and let you do what you want.

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow that is so annoying! I agree with tantum that she is obviously totally jealous that your wedding is going to rock and her’s didn’t. Do what you want, totally ignore her, and if I were you I would just make up a bunch of plans to throw her off. Tell her you are having swans, circus performers and whatever elsee you feel like creating. Then you don’t have to get frustrated that she is putting down your real plans. Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Jealousy.  Its something we never really want to accuse people of, but its pretty obvious.  And it happens all the time, especially when a wedding is concerned.  Sometimes its easier to take the blows when you know its due to the other persons insecurities.  I don’t really see how you can avoid it, you’ve already been trying to no avail.   But you can choose to have no reaction.  Don’t let it bother you, your wedding will be beautiful and you’ll have a blast.  She knows that too.

Post # 7
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

Never ever EVER share your budget with anyone… it is sure to backfire. Either you’re too cheap or being too extravagant. IMO that is just one of those subjects that should stay private if only for your sanity.

She sounds pretty jealous to me too…

Post # 8
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yup, she’s jealous. I would start subtly criticizing her wedding and see how she handles it. “Are you sure red isn’t a little overdone?” etc. But, then again, I might just be a spiteful person, haha. It seems like she won’t really let it go, so you’ll have to say something to her. Maybe even be straight up about it and ask her if she feels like it’s a competition. I don’t think she’ll stop otherwise. Some people make themselves feel good by making others feel bad, ya know?

Post # 9
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

She does sound jealous and ridiculously competitive.  You can shut her down a few ways – first, stop explaining or defending your choices to her – when she says “don’t you think that red flowers would be better?”, just reply with a simple, “No.”  If you must elaborate, just say happily and confidently, “I’m happy with my choice.” 

If she really crosses the line then look her straight in the eye and say very frostily, “I’m so sorry my choices displease you.” If she has any class or tact whatsoever, she’ll back right off. 

Post # 10
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Frankly, I don’t feel you have to explain anything to anyone.  It’s not her wedding, it’s not her money. 

Someone has someone like this in their life- don’t let her in on anymore details.  “I’m sorry you feel that way”, “The decision has already been made” and change the subject.

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