Post # 1
How does your SO apologize to you?
I’m used to people explaining themselves when they apologize but my DH keeps it short and to the point and focuses on physical touch.
Last night he said something that hurt my feelings when I was expressing an issue I was stressed about and while I was having a meltdown at him, he forced me to hug him and just held me for a really long time. And when he apologized, he just said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” I calmed down pretty quickly and put my arms around him to hug him. At that point he picked me up, I thought to carry me back to the living room to finish our movie but then I felt him bouncing me up and down. I thought, “Is he rocking me!?” I glanced in the mirror and yep, he was rocking me like a child. I could not help it, we looked so silly I burst out laughing.
Post # 3
@harleyq: That is exactly what SO does! He’s even patted me before!
Post # 4
Well it depends on how seriously pissed I am i.e. if I am just faking it to get some attention or if I am really hurt. If he thinks I just want attention (he is usually spot on), he’d play jester – pretend to be cute or funny while saying things to flatter me. If it is something very serious, he’ll go the physical touch way – he’ll hug me burying my face in his chest and stroke my hair or kiss my forehead. He’s also brief with the words usually saying “I’m sorry” or something to that effect.
Post # 5
I hate how my guy apologizes. He’s the “I’m sorry, but” guy. He feels I need to understand where he was coming from when he did what he did. But at that point I really don’t give a rat’s ass what lead him to believe his actions were ok and it only makes me more angry because it feels like he’s justifying his behavior and throwing in the obligatory apology for good measure. At the very very very end he’ll say I’m sorry and hug me. But I hate the buts. 🙂
Post # 6
Well, he even apologizes if I am the one who is just mad at him for no apparent reason. He is so sweet, patient and kind and really understands that I am hyper-emotional pretty much all the time. He hugs me a lot, gives me head rubs on the couch and says “babe, I am sorry” and tells me how much he loves me. He really does put up with a lot of my emotional crap (hes the oldest out of five) and it’s one of the reasons I love him soooo much.
Post # 7
@harleyq: My guy has a similar apology style. He normally either goes the physical touch route or does something silly to make me laugh, often its a combination of both. To be honest, I don’t really like it, because sometimes I want to have a real conversation about why I’m upset, & I feel like he uses this technique to avoid conversation.
Post # 8
I know what you mean lol. I’m always like “Shut up! You’re making it worse!” when that happens
I get that too, sometimes. With mine, I don’t think he’s trying to avoid it, I just think he’s not really sure how to talk about it. My way around it is to ask him questions so that first of all, he HAS to talk to me, and second, by answering me he knows where to start and we can get the ball rolling to a real conversation.
Post # 9
This is exactly what DH does. I’ve learned when I hear the “but” to stop him and tell him it won’t help for him to try to justify something.
We are both pretty stubborn people so even when the apologies are said, we both are still sticking to our guns. Really getting to the root of the problem seems to help…such as someone’s tone (DH has horrible tone!) or gesture can make a normal topic into an argument.