Post # 1
I’m getting married in May 2010 and am wondering if other ladies (married or otherwise) have already taken their husband’s last name? How did you come to that decision? Do you miss having the last name you’d had since birth?
The reason I ask is because up until now, I thought I would be taking my future husband’s last name. It’s a good name that sounds right with my first name, and I’ve never felt like I need to hyphenate or that it’s “wrong” to take his name. In fact, I think it’s sweet.
Well, we’re in the process of deciding what to put on one of the items for our wedding. Other couples have put Mr. and Mrs. New Last Name or John and Joan New Last Name. It didn’t even occur to me to put my potential new last name. I just thought we’d be putting our first names.
I, uh, kind of freaked out a little at the thought of having my first name in print with his last name. Or Mr. and Mrs. Not Bluestuff. Not because I don’t want to get married to him or because I dislike his name, but because I’ve been known as Bluestuff My Last Name for 30-something years.
What have other bees done? Does it get any easier to think of yourself as Mrs. His Last Name?
Thanks in advance,
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
Yes, oh yes yes. Here is the most recent post I wrote about it…which links to three other posts I’ve written! I’m easing into it going for First MyLast HisLast. Maybe one day I’ll transistion to MyFirst HisLast…but I have no idea. I’m seeing how three names goes for now. good luck!
Post # 4
I like having his last name. The more that I say it, the more natural and easy it becomes. Though I do find it strange now that some people just call me Mrs. Husband’s First and Last. That sort of annoys me because I do still have my own first name!
Post # 5
Thanks for posting this @bluestuff…I’m in a similar quandry (for roughly the same reasons – I’m just really attached to my lastname, having been me for over 30 years), so I’m curious to see the responses.
Post # 6
I’m not married. ive thought about this though. i love my last name “Winnings” but would want to honor my husband by taking his name and also it would be easier if we had kids to all have the same last name. my first name doesnt go with his last name though so thats a bummer but i wouldnt want to hyphenate. im thinking about about making my last name a second middle name and having his last name for a total of four names when im married(first middle middle last). im not sure if thats possible though? haha
Post # 7
Wow, quick responses! Thank you! I’m glad I’m not alone here.
@dorsay Wow, sounds like this really was a tough decision for you. I just love that you let fate decide.
I’ve been contemplating dropping my middle name and changing my last name to my middle, then taking his last name. I do know that my middle name is from a relative….I don’t feel particularly attached to the name since I don’t sign it or use it on any paperwork unless I have to. I’d go by Bluestuff His Last Name. But I’d still have My Last Name for me. And I suppose I could just sign all 3 names 🙂
Like others, I like the idea of children just having one name. I really don’t want them to get confused.
Post # 8
took his last name. my last name was hard to pronounce and spell and I always wanted to get rid of it!
Post # 9
I took my hubby’s last name, but kept my maiden name as one of my middle names. When I feel like it I write it or sign it as First Maiden Married, but if I’m being lazy then I just do First Married…it was shocking, strange, and I missed my name even though I didn’t think I would, but now I’m pretty much used to my new last name.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
@jwinnigns I have four names, do to the Social Security office first to have it done. Don’t let the DMV push you around!
Now that I work more with databases, I’m finding the 4 names to pain. My mother warned em of the database downside, but I still think that’s the system’s fault, not mine.
Our kids will likely have three or four names, first middle mylast hislast and we don’t know if they’ll go by “first mylast hislast” or “first hislast”. We’re several years away from the reality of children…
Post # 11
I understand that its scary to take a new last name. I was nervous about it at first because it is such a huge part of my identity, but then I considered that I’m going from the most common name in the US to a virtually non existant last name and I got pretty excited. New last name, new life, just get excited!
Post # 12
I just got married in the fall. I chose to keep my last name for a few reasons….
1. I have my doctorate. I credit my parents with the reason I have gotten so far in life, and i want them to have the title DR. with their last name. i met my hubby as I was finishing up my degree.
2. My husband’s ex-wife does the same job as me. (I know her), and pretty much everyone in the field knows each other in the area who does it…. SO…. I wanted to keep my reputation. She used his last name and has her own reputation…. I prefer my reputation if you catch my drift.
3. Professionally I will keep my maiden name. Socially, I will use my husbands name. I will say when you get your checks from the wedding this creates some confusion but you go to the bank and create an alternative alias…. and it’s fine… doesn’t matter who the guests make the checks out to.
4. When kids enter the picture this can also be hairy. For our kids sake, I plan to go by my husband’s name. so when they are in school, I will be Mrs. hislast name….. however, when I go to work, I will be Dr. My last name. I did not change my name formally… nor will I… I will just use his name socially. (this year we have gotten tons of christmas cards to mr. and mrs. hislastname… it doesn’t bother me….) My professionally I choose to keep my name
It’s your choice… more and more people are choosing to keep your own name… it’s not a big deal. go with what you feel more comfortable with.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
i am not married but i plan to change my name. ever since i was a little girl, i planned to change my name…but then, it was an actual reality! i really had a hard time committing to changing my name once it began to be a real conversation – it felt like being traded from my family to his, losing my identity (all the sports clothing etc with my name on it!), feeding into male-dominated tradition…and then, it just made sense to me. We are going to become our own family, I like his last name, and it will become my new identity in time I am sure. I have also decided to use my new last name for something in the wedding – like the big reveal! I think you definitely have to be comfortable with your decision though – maybe try writing your new signature a few times or creating a new email (i definitely haven’t done either or those things yet…;) ). Good luck!
Post # 14
Yes, it gets easier. I still have my maiden name as a second middle name, but I don’t use it much. I like knowing it’s there though. If it’s a decision you’re sure on but it’s just hard getting started, take heart, it will get easier!
Post # 15
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.
@eriqua Such a good idea to practice signing my first name with his last name! I think that will really help.
@chelseamorning Thanks for the encouragement. I think with anything new, it will just take some time to get used to it. Besides, everytime I use his club card at the supermarket, I get a “Thank you Mrs. His Last Name. Have a great day!”….And I kinda like it 🙂
The more I think about it, the more I like My First Name, My Last Name, His Last Name. Now I have to decide if I need to ask my parents if they mind if I drop my current Middle.
Post # 16
I kept my last name during my first marriage (which lasted nearly 20 years) and kept it again this time. To my mind, starting a marriage by having you change your name (often making it impossible for old acquaintances even to find you again) while he keeps his is an incredible imbalance. (If you are honoring him by taking his last name, is he dishonoring you by not taking yours?) And if you have a professional reputation, that just adds to the reasons for not changing.
As for the children, my son was asked once in nursery school why I had a different last name from him. By the time he finished explaining all the people in his family who had different last names (me; all his aunts, uncles, and cousins; and two of his four grandparents) and all the ones who had the same last name (his father, sister, and two of his grandparents), no one ever asked him again. Honestly, children do understand that not everyone in the same family has the same last name, and it’s just not that traumatic.