- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Haven’t posted on here, but figured you all would be the best sounding board for my wedding planning woes.
I’m five months out for the date and have just had to take the bull by the horns and start something with my future in-laws (mostly my FMIL, but both FFIL and FMIL are aggravating me right now) because we have asked, and asked, and asked, and asked, and asked (get the idea?) for a final, confirmed guest list for the groom side for months. We had some idea of who should be invited, but the list was incomplete, and when we sent out the STD’s 2 months ago we just took everyone off the list who we didn’t have full names for. I really can’t express to you how many times we sat down and asked outright who “X” person was and if the list was complete, and we kept getting brushed off until we were * finally * told that “not everyone needs a STD.” (Than’s when we sent them out. Enough is enough, after all.) So, now it’s five months out and my sister and mom need a list for the shower, we need to iron out reception details like how many centerpieces we need (a lot, but not all, of our stuff is going to be DIY) and we have asked, again, for the final list to keep getting put off.
As if this weren’t enough, my fiance’s parents have generously offered to take care of our rehearsal dinner, which I’m very grateful for. Whenever we see them, it’s all talk about the rehearsal dinner – where should we have it? how many people? where should we have it? – to the point that I wonder if they realize how frustrating it is to listen to when I am STILL WAITING for a guest list to the wedding itself.
Now, at this point you’re probably saying: “Leave it alone! No second chances!” And I agree, except that it is very important to my fiance and myself that this is a family and close friend oriented event, and there are ESSENTIAL people missing from this list that absolutely should NOT be excluded – we just don’t know who they are. And the last thing that I want to do when I throw the biggest family party of my life to kick off my marriage is to inadvertently slight someone and start a thing. This is why I keep making it an issue, it’s why I keep asking, and it’s why I wrote a long message to my FMIL the other night outlining (politely) what we needed, why we needed it, and that she has until March 1 to get it to us.
Predictably, she was upset that she was approached in this way and has decided to be offended. Additionally, because I mentioned that people are planning things on our behalf (like the shower) and I need to be able to give names to them, she made some comment about not needing to invite every woman from the wedding to the shower — the only women invited are family and very close friends (I have a very large family). I’ve decided the only way to deal with the situation is to take an assertive stance, and because I’ve been venting about it to everyone (including you), I’m starting to give the impression to my family and friends that I’m not enjoying the process of planning my wedding. Truthfully, writing that message to my FMIL is the best I’ve felt in months about the situation, so I know that it was the right thing — but I guess I just need to rally and turned here for some support. What about you guys? Running into issues like this during the planning process?