Post # 182
All these open bar threads seem to do if piss everyone off for one reason or another. If open bars are fine in your area/social circle then don’t worry about the opinion of people on weddingbee. If cash bars are fine in your area/social circle then don’t worry about the opinion of people on weddingbee.
Ultimately this type of discussion results in a lot of hurt feelings and resentment. No one needs to understand or justify why they did or didn’t do a particular thing during their wedding. Your wedding is a celebration of your commitment and a reflection of you as a couple. Do what you want and just go with it.
Post # 184
@BlondeMissMolly: So if someone has a parent or sibling who has a drinking problem and they believe the open bar will be abused, they should just not invite them? Yikes.
There are other options then charging everyone because one or two people can’t control themselves.
1. Talk to the bar tenders about not serving them,
2. Have their drinks watered down
3.Have bar tenders cut them off if they have had too many
4. Have a trusted family member/friend/ paid employee watch that person and keep them in line.
And yes, if at the end of the day I had someone who couldn’t control themselves and were likely to embarass themselves at a party I was hosting, then I would not invite them. I would do them the kindness of looking out for their well-being, even if they can’t do that for themselves.
What I would not do is punish all my guests by charging them for drinks (which wouldn’t solve the problem, as people who drink to excess will do so regardless of who is paying).
Post # 185
@Mrs.Jansen: Nothing is “wrong.” I could not have said it any better.
Perhaps not wrong, but that doesn’t make it polite either.
Post # 186
Just because I think I may be getting slightly confused on something- are the people that seem to really take offense at the idea of a cash bar offended because the assumption is paying for any drink- soda, beer, wine or hard liquor- or are people offended honestly offended that they would have to either a)pay to drink or b)manage the oh so hard task of managing not to have an alcoholic drink for and entire night/a few hours? Because I could see an argument for finding it rude not to offer something to drink during a wedding. But deciding how much to feed people (full seated dinner, tea reception, buffet, cake/punch, etc) and what people are drinking is up to the people having the event- wedding or otherwise.
If I hosted a dinner party, didn’t provide alcohol, and an invited guest had a problem with it, I doubt it would be a guest I’d ever care seeing again. Why? Because I find that behavior to be shallow & self centered. Does that mean I think open bars are wrong? Nope. I’ve appreciated them at the weddings I went to that had them. But I didn’t enjoy the weddings I went to that had a cash (alcohol) bar or NO alcohol at all any less, because I didn’t go for the free booze, I went to witness a monumental moment in a friend(s) life. And, I was aware that the wedding wasn’t about ME. It was about them, and witnessing a crazy beautiful, courageous thing as 2 people committed for life. I felt honored just to be included in such a special occassion.
While we will probably do a “signature” drink type thing with very limited beer/wine if any, after reading this thread I actually feel like spreading the word that it’ll be a dry wedding, so we can weed out people that we don’t want or need in our lives. Better to know which people to get rid of now, so we can focus our time, love, and attention on the people that are coming for the right reasons.
Post # 187
So what about not serving food because you are having people who have eating disorders? That’s absurd.
At the end of the day if you have a guest who is planning on drinking at your wedding it is more annoying than not to have to dig into your pocket to pay for a drink…it’s just the way it is, like it or not…agree or disagree? (although I am not sure how you can argue with someone enjoying something that is free more than something they had to pay for…)
*Another thing I am going to disagree with here is that I want all the guests at my wedding to relax and enjoy themselves. If that means they are going to get drunk, let them get drunk! Who cares, they are having a good time….I just don’t get it…nobody said they are going to get rowdy and start acting like a bunch of animals…the day is still about me and my Fiance as a couple, it’s a wedding for gods sake!
ALSOOOOO, just ask yourself this question- Would YOU rather attend a wedding where you had to pay for drinks or drink for free? Why is this concept so hard to understand?
Rude, maybe not, annoying (if you are expecting otherwise)- yes!
Post # 188
I can only speak for myself, but I think it is the the fact that there is any type of charge at all imposed on the guests, whether for a non-alcoholic or alcoholic drink. I agree with you, it would be very rude for a guest to complain you didn’t serve alcohol at your dinner party. Hosts are not obliged to serve alcohol just as they are not obliged to serve caviar, and guests should accept the hospitality cheerfully. The hosts’ obligations are to provide for their guests the basics of comfort, food and drink. If the hosts can afford more, great! If not, that is fine too!
Post # 189
My issue is with guests being asked to pay for anything at a wedding. It is the hosts duties to feed and water their guests. If hosts cannot afford booze, don’t want it, don’t want to pay for it then they do not have to offer it. But it is not polite to ask guests to pay for upgrades from what the hosts are providing.
If I went to a dry dinner party, I would enjoy the soda or juice that they served, and not have alcohol. No questions asked. Same as at a wedding. The rules of hosting are the same.
Post # 190
@MAURINA: absolutely nothing. As long as your guests are informed.
Post # 191
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I’m definitely of the opinion that it is rude to make your guests pay for something you are offering at your wedding. If you cannot pay for it, it shouldn’t be there. If that means you only have soda and water, fine. If that means you can have a full premium open bar, fantastic. I would be completely unprepared to pay for a drink at a wedding. I wouldn’t have cash or a credit card. I might have an ID, but everything else would be in the car (which has probably been valeted) or in my hotel room.
Think of it this way, if you couldn’t afford to have hors d’ouevres, would you still make the available to hungry guests willing to pay or would you arrange your event so that guests wouldn’t go hungry for long and simply skip the hors d’ouevres? If you couldn’t afford a full dinner, would you have an hors d’ouvres and cake reception in the afternoon or still have an evening wedding and make the guest pay for their own dinner? You should plan a wedding that you can afford and host the entire thing fully. If you can’t afford to wine and dine your guests, then don’t, but don’t ask them to do it for themselves. And then make sure that the style of your wedding is consistent. If you can’t afford to pay for the drinks, but you’re serving lobster and filet and have an 8 piece band, maybe you should reevaluate how you’re spending your budget.
Post # 192
I’m cool either way, but I’d prefer a heads up if it’s a cash bar so I can be prepared.
Post # 193
There is nothing wrong with it. We had a semi-cash bar. We had drink tickets and bought everyone their first drink and after that they were on their own.
Post # 194
@SoupyCat see, that makes sense to me. I never thought about it as offering “upgrades” before, but I get it. Someone upthread (maybe you?) said it was like offering burgers but charging $5 if someone wants steak. I don’t think it is quite the same, but I certainly get the argument and I think it is valid. I can see now, how a cash bar could seem a bit “off” based on that premise. @andielovesj I think your point was kinda the same as @SoupyCat’s. I do agree that a host should take care of their guests, and that they shouldn’t have to pay-I guess the real reason I don’t have a problem with a cash bar is because I feel like it’s a compromise on the host’s part (kinda like everyone suffers equally-those that don’t want alcohol or like it being served don’t have to drink it, and those that want it can buy it if they want). So for me, I view cash bar’s as a host’s attempt to try to please everyone, even though it may not be in their budget to do so.
I guess my issue is that some people seem to find having a dry/alcohol free wedding offensive, which I don’t understand. I could see if there were no drink options offered (unless there was no food either- but in that case, I’m not sure it would be called a reception? I don’t know) having an issue with paying. I also find the argument that people can’t enjoy themselves without alcohol to be problematic on so many levels. Most people that don’t smoke aren’t expected to offer cigar/ettes for everyone-I’m not sure why alcohol for everyone is expected.
Post # 195
I think comparing paying for alcohol to paying for “admission” is a bit of a stretch, even if you do think that cash bars are rude.