(Closed) What’s so wrong with the B-list?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It shouldn’t matter whether a guest is an A list or B list guest.  The guest should be honored that you thought enough of them to invite them to your wedding.  

Seating will be an issue at my wedding.  I only want 150, more because  I don’t want to spend the entire night saying hi to people than money reasons.  Both sets of parents have many friends that they want at the wedding, but with big families those friends will need to be B-listed.  Sorry.

Post # 4
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

B Lists insinuate that the person wasn’t good enough to make the list of people that you really wanted to invite.  It’s seen as though you invite the B list people to fulfill the guest quota, or to get more gifts when A-list guests decline.  That’s why they’re seen as rude.

For the record, I totally get the need for an A and B list, just trying to explain the other side.

Post # 5
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We have to have a B list our wedding guest list was cut down MAJORLY we are not counting on getting a no. BUT we know that we will get some so B-List is a must for us! If someone doesnt want to come because they were on the B-list it just means we will be able to invite another person on the list 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We don’t have a B list but I understand why they exist. However, despite knowing why they exist, I still don;t like when its obvious that we were on the B list, and, this may be petty, but I give less of a gift when I am, in fact, on the B list (this has only happened once.) I wasn’t offended and I understand that they likely wanted us to attend but needed to cut the list, but still, if we aren’t close enough to make first round, then we’re not close enough for me to give you our standard wedding gift.

Post # 7
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@abbie017:  

Playing devil’s advocate here, because I can see what you’re saying about hurt feelings, but…

Why would a person feel “not good enough” to invite on a B-list, but not be upset about having never been invited at all?

I think that if someone didn’t get invited strictly on venue/budget concerns, and those limits suddenly disappeared, a lot of people would be honored that they were considered for the spot, though you would also have people who would be offended.

Post # 8
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

 I guess it depends on who was invited in the first place. I would understand if you had limited space and you only invited family and I was on the B-list I wouldn’t be offended. That to me says that after family, our friendship is important. But if it was a moderate guest list and friends in the same circle as me were invited as A-list guests and I was a B-list, Heck yea I’d be offended and not go. 

Post # 9
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@smiles4jo:  I’d like to answer this questions. However there are 150 other posts more important of my attention, so I’m going to go answer those first. Should one of those 150 threads get closed I’ll come back and answer your question.

Post # 10
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

@MrsConnick:  Were you trying to be funny here?  I get it, you’re trying to be witty by making the OP feel less important than the other posters on the bee…  But I think you missed the mark – it actually comes across as rude (to me, at least). 

@smiles4jo:  Unfortunately, by posting in the etiquette section, you’re likely to get some bees bashing you for not doing things a certain way.  I totally understand the A/B lists.  If only we all had the $ to invite everyone we want.  Try not to stress. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MalbecMe:  Um that’s my point exactly.

Post # 12
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Listen, I don’t care if anyone has a B list…but that’s how I would feel if I was on a B list. Like everyone else invited before me was more important and because someone declined or some other reason, now I’m good enough to attend. If you can find a way to do that without people realizing they’re a B’er, that’s one thing. But I get not attending a wedding knowing I was a B list person at a larger wedding.

Post # 13
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think everyone understands why B list exisits but that still dosen’t make it less rude. Life’s tough and as adults we all have to make choices- if a B&G choose to have the really beaustiful but small venue then the consequence of that is a limited number of guests who can be invited. If the guests are what are inportant to a B&G then they would select a venue that held their entire guest list. If they B&G want to get married now and have a smaller budget then again it is their choice and they haven chosen a limited guest list.

Everyone knows a wedding dress can be expensive but stealing one (because you can’t afford your dream dress) is still considered by society as wrong.

Whether it is intended or not a B list can make guests feel like seat fillers, not important or second thoughts.

Post # 14
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Even renowned etiquette expert Judith Martin, a.k.a “Miss Manners” says that there is nothing wrong with having a “B” list.  The only etiquette breach would be to inform a guest that he or she is on it. 

Post # 15
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

@MrsConnick:  It’s all good, I get what you are trying to say.  🙂 To be honest, I’m just tired of all the negativity (in general) I’ve been reading on the Bee lately.  So much stress/banter etc.  

Post # 16
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

B-lists are an interesting thing to me. I’m not exactly planning to do one, but since I’ll be going through a lot of job transitions between now and the wedding, I’m basically keeping everyone from work off the guest list and will invite whoever’s appropriate to invite at the time. I understand people not feeling as important, but let’s be real: my coworker who lives in town and who, frankly, it’s not the end of the world if she can’t come is NOT as important as, say, my aunt, or my best friend who is helping me print the invitations! (Heh.)

Maybe this is weird, but I’d almost be flattered if someone who I wasn’t super-close with invited me as a B-list guest, even semi-last minute. To me, it would mean that they wanted to have me there, but trusted me to have no drama go on about whether I was invited or not. For me, that’s a big compliment! But I know that’s not the usual sentiment.

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