Post # 1
i have had many people die in my life time– the asian side would give enevlopes with money… i thought was weird but i whatever funerals and burials are expensive…my ameircan side of the family would just send a card /flower combo…. just recieved a card with money from an american relative on hubbys side and i dont know how to respond….. of course the thank you card but i feel horrible for recieving money from a 90+ year old ralative that i have never met..
is it normal for people to give money when people die??
Post # 3
I’ve never heard of it…but perhaps they were trying to be inclusive and understanding of your culture? They probably were just trying to do whatever would be most appreciated by you, and didn’t know which you would prefer, ya know?
Post # 4
I don’t know if it’s regional or generational or some of both, but my family has received monetary gifts when someone has died. Probably 1/3 of the cards have come with cash or a check and 2/3 have not.
Post # 5
@asianyoushi: I’ve never heard of that. Maybe she was feeling generous!? Sorry for your loss. 🙁
Post # 6
i dont think that would be the case( it was her niece that died- my mother in law)
Post # 7
Having been privy to both Asian and Western funerals, I’ve only seen money being exchanged for Asian funerals (usual in an auspicious amount). For Western funerals, people usually bring flowers and/or a card. Occasionally, if they’re very close to the grieving party, they will bring food over, e.g. a casserole.
Regardless, I wouldn’t turn the money down so I would graciously accept it and move on. Sorry about your loss.
Post # 8
that seems odd that she would send you money for your MIL’s death. did your husband handle the arrangements? i’m asian so i’m used to giving money. when my fiance’s uncle died, he went to the funeral and i sent money to help the family with the arrangements because i knew they needed the money more than they needed flowers. apparently i was a little too generous because he brought back half the money. i asked why he didn’t give the entire amount and he said, even with half, i gave more than double of what others gave.
Post # 9
@asianyoushi: I’ve never heard of that.
Post # 10
@asianyoushi: I think it’s relatively common to give money at funerals. Funerals are expensive so people choose to help out with funeral related expenses, or to help the family if the person was a “bread winner”.
Post # 11
we paid for the burial and all the funeral arrangements in april and the stuff needed for the memorial this last weekend( church flowers food drink). the check was made to husband but the card was address to both of us.
Post # 12
I’ve never heard of it. It’s more common to send flowers, cards or to make a donation to an organization that was dear to the deceased. Also, for ppl who are local, it’s common to bring over food for the family. The cash thing is different but very generous. Just make sure to send a thank you.
Post # 13
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s unusual, but even in America traditions are varied from region to region in a lot of things. Where I am if somebody chooses to do something besides a card it’s usually 75% donate to a charity either named by the family or of their own choice, and 25% flowers either smaller sent to a specific relative or sent to the funeral home.
if you and your husband don’t need the money maybe donate to a charity in her name and in the thank you card let the person know? If not let them know it was appreciated to help cover the expenses. I don’t think it matters how well you two know the relative, but rather how well they knew his mom.
Post # 14
I’ve never heard of money being given at a funeral/for a death but I can see where it would help out the family. When both of my grand parents died our family asked that instead of flowers donations be given to their church. As both were cremated, flowers would have gone to waste.
When a neighbor or family friend has died I usually get drafted to cook up something that will keep in the fridge/heat up well.
Post # 15
I have received (and given) monetary gifts/flowers/fruit baskets/gift cards when someone passes away.
I think the idea behind a monetary gift is that usually when someone close to you dies, you are taking a lot of time off of work and it might not be paid, so you need some help.
I also know food like casseroles or gift cards for restaurants or grocery stores are popular because when you’re planning a funeral, etc. you don’t have time to cook.
Not sure if it’s regional or not, but very common where I live.
I think people just want to help out as much as they can in anyway they can. When you’re grieving, you don’t have time/money/energy to think about basic things like food or paying the bills.
Post # 16
Nope. Usually flowers and sometimes food for the immediate family.