(Closed) whats the american thing to do??

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Stace126:  +1 on not having the time and energy. Plus I know when my mom died we had people stopping by for a week straight so the food was needed, one person brought a case of beer and chips which was nice to be able to offer to guests. 

Post # 18
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It’s actually pretty common here in the midwest, as well as giving flowers, food, and cards.

Some people may designate that the gift should be given to a charity of their choice, others may say it’s for a mass in the deceased’s honor (this is common for Catholics around here).  Others may say for whatever the family wishes- which general then is used for either masses or charity.

Post # 19
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@asianyoushi:  I’m sorry for you and your husband’s loss.

I’m from the Midwest and have given money at funerals, and I remember my family receiving money at funerals growing up… it’s meant to “take care of things” so the people who are grieving don’t have to worry as much about the day-to-day logistics and to help cover funeral costs if necessary.

Definitely respond with a thank you note, perhaps mentioning that the contribution was helpful or appreciated.

Post # 20
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

When I was at a staunchly Catholic university and had a death in my immediate family, my classmates actually gave me cards with cash in them, as did a religious order at the school, in order to defray the costs of burial and my costs of travelling home to handle the funeral.  So it can happen.  As a Jew, I’d never encountered that directly — we usually give monetary gifts to charity in name of the deceased or send food for shiva as we don’t do floral gifts for funerals — but I had to admit, it was an incredibly gracious and welcome thing to receive in the midst of difficulties.  So some Americans do it, but it doesn’t seem terribly common.

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