(Closed) What's the difference between Erings and promise rings? What exactly is a Ering?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

 this makes me think of the talk in Animal house

 

‘im frank lymon from amherst, fawns fiance?, well actually were engaged to be engaged’

 

you are either engaged or not… a promise to be engaged (which in itself is a promise to be married) is through simple deduction an ENGAGEMENT weather it has a ring or not – its just adding an extra unnessacery step and honestely to me sounds like the guy is stalling and must have only ‘made a promise to make a promise one day’ due to nagging

this is another one of these american concepts I cant get my head round because it makes no logical sense

 

I dont get the ‘not old enough’ thing either… theres no ‘age’ restrictions or ‘time frames’ on engagement – I know people who have been married in under 1 month and people who where engaged for 30 years before finally getting married

Post # 17
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

I gave my partner an eternity ring on our one year anniversary, which is pretty similar to a promise ring. I know that usually they are given after marriage or on the birth of your first child, but I know a lot of people who were given them before they got engaged (can count at least 5 women off the top of my head). I know older couples where the woman wears one, but they are not planning on getting married. 

To me it was a token of my love and seriousness for her, we have planned on getting engaged next year, but we want to buy a house so can’t really afford it. I want to buy her a nice engagement ring and not have to trade it up for a better one later. So we would rather have these rings and then get engaged when we actually plan on getting married and can afford to. 

I don’t really understand why people sneer over them to be quite honest, if someone wants to gift their partner a ring to show their love what is the issue? Not everyone is happy to have a long engagement or buy a cheaper ring and replace it later. 

Post # 18
Member
672 posts
Busy bee

I think the traditional engagement ring has a look. Either a larger stone, whether three stone or solitaire, or a smaller solitaire stone. If it looks like a ring you could wear without anyone even assuming you are engaged then some may say that it looks like a promise ring as a deregatory description, as promise rings are often times simpler and less expensive. I think this is answers your question. I agree it’s not a real tradition. It’s a thing some romantic individuals do to symbolize their commitment, while not yet being THERE for whatever factor, be it age or finances or other obligations. I don’t think I know anyone who was given a promise ring but I think the main qualifying factor is that it is given with a promise, other than immediate marriage, but involves a serious intent and contemplation of marriage in the future. 

PS why are the English people always trying to figure Americans out lol. I have noticed many threads or comments in passing about American standards or what Americans do. But truth be told America has no norms on any one topic. Rings or otherwise. There are great variations depending on where you are from. Even within a state there can be many different customs. I would tend to attribute this to the fact that America is a melting pot. So all the traditions of any place in the world are bound to be followed by someone somewhere in America. Also TV is misleading. People see the nonsense of what is on American tv and assume that’s American life. But that is not the case. If it’s on American TV it is most likely because we also find it dramatic or odd. If it was common place no one would watch programming such as real housewives of wherever or trashy shows of that nature.  It’s because it’s about how one tiny segment lives and not a whole. I always find myself explaining this to my relatives abroad. Wow I am going off on a off topic tangent ha ha. 

Post # 19
Member
2619 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I always thought that a promise ring is what a teenage boy would give his girlfriend, as a “I promise to propose when we are older” thing.  They never actually ended in that result though.  They would be cheaper rings (around or less than $100), and do not usually have a diamond, or if they do, it would be very, very small (I never saw one with a diamond though).  They are not a wide-spread thing either.  In my school of about 100 females per grade, maybe one or two had a promise ring.

This is just my experience.  I grew up in the US in the midwest.

Post # 20
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

As a grown ass woman, I don’t do promise rings…personally, I think it’s so corny if you’re older than 18.

Post # 21
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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sparklebeeesq :  but I dont watch american ‘reality’ tv shows or anything, I get my view straight from the writings of (in cases like this site) or from talking to actual americans

the only tv shows I watch are AHS, Walking Dead and Breaking Bad but im in no way dumb enough to think that is everyday american life lol

Post # 22
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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btob17 :  Idk about that. The walking dead is starting to seem like a possibility the way this election is going. 

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ariesscientist :  I prefer your viewpoint. While I never had a promise ring from anyone, I don’t think it’s stupid teenage crap regardless of the context it’s given in. I wish there was another word or phrase for what you did because it sounds much more logical and romantic than a teenager giving their partner a crappy ring to signify commitment…cuz we all know how committed teenagers are…to anything. (Half joking here- I have met a few committed teens)

Post # 23
Member
672 posts
Busy bee

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btob17 :  I actually wasn’t addressing you. I wasn’t implying that of any one specific individual. Nor was I trying to be rude, insult or start fights with my comment. I am first generation American, born here. It is my perception of a number of individuals I know and their perceptions, as well as the writings on this board by those from abroad. There is a lot of judgement. You cannot base your opinions on a few select individuals, as there is great variation in this country. Re-reading your comment, it’s not a custom here.

I LOVE the walking dead. Come visit midtown Manhattan! Guaranteed to change your mind. 😂

Post # 24
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I got a promise ring when I was 17, on my one year aniversary with my boyfriend. He gave it to show his commitment to me and to one day get engaged and marry. It’s been 6 years now, I’m 22 and I will be engaged by my birthday in Feb! He already has the ring. Now it’s just the waiting game. 😀

Post # 25
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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btob17 :  I really have to disagree with you. While a promise ring is ‘usually’ a promise to be married one day, it is not the same as an engagement and it is not typically the guy “stalling” or the girl “nagging.” While I will agree with you that engagements really don’t have a specific age limit, some people are just not ready to be engaged at such a young age. In our case, we knew that we wanted to be together and that we were absolutely committed to each other but we were not ready at all to be married. You seem to be very judgemental when it comes to Americans and American traditions based on previous and current comments throughout the bee, IMO. 

Post # 26
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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smalltownbigworld :  I try and ignore her. I disagree with her comments about 99% of the time..

Post # 27
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I once had a promise ring at the age of 19.  It was a less expensive diamond ring set in white gold.  To us it represented a pending engagement in the future.  As an adult I don’t think they are really necessary.

Post # 28
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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smalltownbigworld : I dont know why you singled me out apart from making it about me being a different race (im sure theres a word for that) and im hardles the only person on here that has looked unfavorably at it, the majority of this thread is OTHER people saying its juvinial and rarely done INCLUDING americans… my opinion is just a valuable as yours regardless on where I live and my points still stand perfectly but a ‘commitment to not make a commitment yet’ still sounds stupid to me

also have you read the UK bride threads on here… no one is as judgement as snide as some of the american posters on here can be and some poor girls get ripped to shreads over the most basic COMMON things, im mean lets not forget how ‘selfish’ entire cultures are for having all day weddings or sectioned/tiered wedding or cash bars undecided its certainly a two way street (actually worse as there are far more americans present on here to gang up on people who are different)

Post # 29
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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btob17 :  I was not trying to single you out but your comment almost directly contradicted mine which is why I chose to reply to you instead of the masses. It had nothing to do with you being from a different country and all about your intolerance of most things “American.” I’m sure I am not the only one who has noticed your previous judgements. I will agree to disagree with you but there are ways to discuss that you dislike something without completely tearing it down and boiling it all down to your dislike of Americans and their culture. 

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