(Closed) What's the etiquette here?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

I would send them to everyone, just so no one gets the idea they’re being excluded. And then if they ask why they got one when they said they weren’t going, just say something like “I just wanted you to know you’re welcome to join us should you change your mind” or something similar.

Post # 3
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013


I would send them to everyone. They said no immediately but they might change their minds 2 years from now. Don’t count anyone out until they RSVP to the wedding as a “no”

Post # 4
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

islandchloe:  I would send one to each couple that you intended to invite regardless of their response so far. They may not have had time to adjust to the idea of a Destination Wedding, they may change their minds, they may be hurt if they get any indication that they now will not be invited.

Post # 5
13597 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d send one to each couple, because people may change their minds as things get closer.  You want to give them the opportunity to come and not feel excluded, or to make up their mind not to come closer to the date.

Post # 6
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Yep, send them out to everyone still. Some people will tell you up front they won’t come, but they have time to change their mind or at least know that your plans are solidified and booked. 

We are also having a destination wedding but in Cuba and a few people said they probably wouldn’t be able to go a year and a half in advance, but now are getting ready to book their deposits. 

Post # 7
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d send them to everyone. But I wouldn’t send them out more than a year in advance. A lot can happen between now and then. 

Post # 8
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Having reached the RSVP portion of our wedding, do not count anyone in or out of coming until you actually start getting RSVPs in.  There are people who say no up front, and then decide to come.  There are people who you think would say no, and then they surprise you with a yes.  And there are other people who you always expected to make it that can’t. 

Post # 9
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Since you’re asking this as a etiquette question, the real answer may be reconsider a Destination Wedding if it sends the message to loved ones that you value an exotic location over the attendance of people you consider close.  

As for the STD issue, you will find no reference to this in any of the traditional etiquette resources since mass mailed, pre-printed  STDs that take the place of what an invitation is supposed to do are not favored in the first place.  Sharing this info personally by way of letter, email or phone call is considered a more  appropriate way to give your nearest and dearest any heads up that is needed.  The rest of your guest list may change this far out. 

Post # 10
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do NOT send them more then a year in advance. That is obnoxious and unneccessary. And yes, send them to everyone, 

Post # 11
9435 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would send them to everyone a year in advance.

Post # 12
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I get why you’re asking…my initial thought was why send them a magnet if they already said no? But as I read the comments and realized 2 years is a heckuva long time out, I agree with PPs–send one per each invitation you plan on sending, regardless of what they’ve said so far. Also, definitely wait until a year out. That’s still PLENTY of time. Anyone that’s needs to know further out may ask through the grapevine when the wedding is. 

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