Post # 1
Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says “wow. It’s really hot in here!” The other muffin turns to the first muffin and says “Holy crap, a talking muffin!!!”
What’s your favorite “clean” joke?
Post # 3
Two drums and a cymbal fell of a cliff. Ba-da dum!
Post # 4
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
(HAHAHA! I have the saved, cause someone sent it to me, and I thought it was hilarious!”)
Post # 5
My absolute fav joke ever (but you have to say it aloud)
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
I have two:
What’s green, fuzzy, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Interrupting cow —
(Another one that has to be told out loud.)
It’s super dumb and childish but it makes me giggle every time.
Post # 8
OMG soontobe: I almost spit out my coke just now!!!! Hilarious!
Here’s another one you have to do out loud – a kid, probably around 12 or so, told me this joke a few years ago and I still get a kick out of it.
Snoop Dog gave 50 cent a sweater for Christmas. What did 50 cent say to Snoop?
Gee you knit?
HAHAHA if you don’t know anything about rap, you prob won’t get that, but it cracked me up when he told me. Might’ve just been so funny to me because it was coming from a 12 year old, I don’t know. haha
Post # 9
ok, just had Fiance read it too, and he laughed even harder than I did!!
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
@Honeybun – I LOVE your joke! So funny!
Post # 11
Omg @mechiebaby that joke actually got me a job. They made me tell it at the interview and then I had tell to everyone who was around. Its my favorite joke
Post # 12
Honeybun- Haha, I’m glad you and your Fiance had a good laugh. Funny thing though, when I first read the joke in my e-mail I was eating too, and almost spit out what I was eating because I laughed so hard. =p
Post # 13
Haha these are AWESOME!
We’re thinking of incorporating a clean joke card or something for the kids table. We may also do one for our adult tables to help break the ice if we have people sitting together that don’t (yet) know each other. 🙂
Post # 14
How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Post # 15
MissHelen – that is my favorite joke of all time!!!!!! My little brother told it to me one day, and I just roared. Our grandmother couldn’t stop laughing for days… she’d randomly turn to one of us and say, “…a talking muffin!!” and break down into fits of really obnoxious laughter.
Post # 16
I know this is an old thread, but I’ve been telling jokes from it all day.