(Closed) What’s the hardest thing about being married?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Our biggest challenge is:
    Money : (24 votes)
    22 %
    Sex : (21 votes)
    20 %
    Dealing with Family : (14 votes)
    13 %
    Housework/Tidiness/Chores : (24 votes)
    22 %
    Social Obligations/Time with Others : (9 votes)
    8 %
    Something Else : (15 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 4
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Well, I’m not married yet, but technically we’ve been living together for almost 5 years, so I am going to count myself as psudo married 😉

    Therefore, I would say all of the above; they have all come up as arguments, all heated and emotional, at some point in the time we have spent together. It would be hard to pinpoint one or another as the more potent issue. 

    I think the hardest thing for us so far has been *actually* wanting the other person to be happy in an argument. All these issues are so drastic and important that while you may say and feel you want to make the other person happy, the truth is real compromise means giving up some of your happiness to get there. Not all of it, but accepting that you are not the only important person in your own life can be difficult when dealing with the hard hitting issues.

    Post # 5
    1156 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York

    I think for us it’s quality time with each other.  We both work a lot and often don’t prioritize our relationship above work.  We’ve been getting a little better lately though! 

    Post # 6
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2007

    Our biggest disagreement is even distribution of chores. I admit my level of cleanliness is super high. I mean I like it spotless at all times.

    Post # 7
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    I agree that all of the above have been issues one time or another. I always knew marriage would be hard especially since we lived apart for the 6 years we dated before we got married. It is hard to say what our biggest fights have been about. The whole thing is different. I was talking to a friend who said her first month of marriage has not been what she expected and we went through the same thing. I think now we are finally on the same page and instead to putting our two individual lives together we are making our own life as one!

    Post # 8
    1813 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t think we have any major issues, but I put sex.  We have only been married a month.  I was a virgin and he wasn’t…so, I think my expectations were WAY off, and we seem to want it on different days, and then we both feel "neglected"…our communication is already improving a lot, but I think I’m just extra sensitive about any perceived rejection bc of our histories.

    Post # 9
    19 posts
    • Wedding: October 2007

    I would have to say the hardest thing we’ve found so far has been finding time for EACH OTHER. Just for us. Nobody else. No projects. Just us. Especially since the the birth of our son. But, we’re working on it. We’ll figure it out!

    Post # 10
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Sometimes it is hard for us to talk about things just as a couple. I always feel that if I tell him something that is harsh, he will just walk out. Don’t get me wrong, we talk….ALL THE TIME! It is just certain hard subjects that can be tricky. We work well as a team, but sometimes I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle alone.

    Post # 11
    2249 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    so no change since being married but… we are messy. I would like to keep the house clean but I am a naturally messy person and so is he. We are working on better habbits but for now we have to try really hard!

    Post # 12
    1545 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    living with each other for the 1st 6 months thats tough! lol

    Post # 13
    2025 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I picked housework. We don’t really fight, but I get annoyed by his lack of helping with the housework a lot. I bite my tongue, though. I’m more of the mind to do it myself, just to get it done. I wouldn’t say it’s “hard,” but its annoying. 

    Post # 14
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I picked sex because right now it has been MIA. LOL.  We’ve been married a month and when we got back from honeymoon he had to go to work for 6 days.  Then he threw out his back on day 5 of work and came home and could barely walk.  He gets better and leaves for work again for 4 days.  Then comes home and I’m out of comission (if you know what I mean). Then he leaves for 4 days for work and comes home this weekend with Posion Ivy.  We did yardwork before he left and he got into a patch of it. Now he’s gone again for 4 days and I’m hoping this time when he comes home, we have ZERO distractions! LOL

    Post # 15
    144 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2006

    Sex has been an issue for us since we got married a month and a half ago… We had sex for a few years before we got married, but I never felt bad saying “no” because I could just cite religious guilt we both felt. When we got married, I think Darling Husband expected sex to be every day because now it was “legal”, but I still didn’t want it as much as him. For some reason I got this weird idea that it was my “duty” to have sex with him whenever he wanted once we got married, even if I didn’t really want it. I ended up feeling like a martyr, and he could tell I wasn’t into it… So we had a few tear-filled conversations, and now he is totally understanding and supportive of my lower sex drive, and has discivered that if he just waits until I *want* to have sex, it’s way better for both of us. And if I dont’ feel like it’s expected, I want it way more often–almost as much as he does. So, really, it just took a lot of commuication and getting rid of these pre-conceived notions of what married sex would be like.

    Post # 16
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I am glad sex isn’t an issue for us.  We sort of have an unspoken contract to give the other sex whenever they want/ need.  If someone reaches for the other, the other gives/ allows.  However, I try not to bother him if he is DEAD tired or something.  Because I know that sex is such a big issue in marriages, I have made it a point to keep the sex life healthy and alive.

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