Post # 1
“No, I don’t feel there’s any urgency or any strings attached to the $5k loan (my somewhat distant friend) gave me a couple years back. He never brings it up, and I’m going to pay him back whenever. I lent him $20k before!”
I can’t get my head around this. I actively avoid personal loans (being in either role). I lent a good friend $200 many years ago and it put a big rift in our friendship for a while (no, I swear was not pestering him for it back. He just became exquisitely sensitive because he felt embarrassed to owe the money.) Ever since then I’ve tried to adhere to the phrase “never a borrower or lender be.”
And for those amounts? (that the unnamed person told me?) With no timeline? And that distant a connection?
That can’t be normal… is any of it normal?!
Post # 3
I guess any amount is stressful for me. I try to accept money given is a gift…if I get paid back it’s a bonus.
Large amounts is a whole different thing tho…I don’t know that I could lend 20k…
This might be unrelated…my philosophy on life is ask for help when you need it and don’t feel guilty for it and when you have abundance share when you can…so that’s my approach for picking up tabs or asking someone to pay my way on something.
Post # 4
@joya_aspera: I’m with ya. I’d hate to be in either position.
Only lend money to a friend or your family if you can afford to not get it back.
I hope the unnamed person isn’t your FI!
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Zero. I did it on one occasion and it was stressfully awkward until I paid it back even though I paid it back in monthly payments exactly as we had agreed. I never felt the same about our friendship after that. So I have a zero tolerance policy for lending money to or borrowing money from friends. Business is just not worth losing the friendship.
Post # 7
Gosh. That’s really hard. It would depend on how close I am to the friend and how responsible I feel they are. My husband has a few really good guy friends who are awesome and have their lives together and if one needed to borrow money in an emergency or fell on hard times, I could see lending a couple thousand (under 10)? Probably not much more than that.
Then again, the people I would feel comfortable lending that kind of money to probably aren’t the people most likely to ask for need for financial help from a friend.
Post # 8
I don’t ever lend money that I can’t afford to lose. The only person I would ever lend a large sum of money to would be my mother because I know she will be paying me back (I’m her only child). As for borrowing, I will just go without, even having a mortgage bugs me out sometimes.
Post # 9
@joya_aspera: as much as you are willing to lose! I don’t lend more then I can lose in an extreme case
Post # 10
@icetea: I sort of agree on the “when lending, see it as a gift” thing, but since the rift happened even though I was not pestering about it, I realized that the only way to have prevented it was to give it explicitly as a gift in the first place. That, I will do.
Post # 11
Depends on the friend. For most, I’d say zero. But, for one, I’d probably go as high as $5K. I usually don’t have that kind of money laying around, so it’s usually a non-issue for me! 🙂
Post # 12
It would depend on the friend. I wouldn’t really feel comfortable borrowing more than $50 from a friend, and only in a case where I needed cash that minute and there wasn’t an ATM – and I would pay it back the next day. For my best friend, I would probably lend her several hundred, but I’d be lending with the expectation that I may never see it again.
Post # 13
I don’t lend money, and I don’t ask for money to friend ever.
The only person I’ll loan money to is my Mother, and that’s because I’ve loaned her quite a bit and she’s always paid it back.
I’ve loaned money to 6 or 7 other people and never got a dime back. I loaned 2k to my brother and he swears to this day he paid me back, but he never did.
Post # 14
I do not “lend” money to friends because that can usually lead to drama. I just give if I can afford to help. If they pay me back, great.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t loan money. We gave my FI’s brother our old car and paid his insurance for almost 2 years because he was in such a bad financial position, and then when it came time that we wanted him to get his own insurance and get the car out of our name (he had a job and an apartment and could afford it at this time), he gave us such a hard time and made it seem like we were putting him out. Never again.
However, I “loan” my brother money all the time, like $10 here and $20 there, and sometimes I get it back and sometimes not, but I’m not concerned about that. Honestly I’d give him anything he needed if he asked, because he’s a good person and I love him (FI feels the same way), and because I know he would never take advantage.
I get loans from my mom sometimes and I always pay it back. The reason is because I refuse to have a credit card (I work for a credit card company, and they can be evil!) so sometimes an expense will come up that I can’t immediately afford, so I’ll borrow from my mom and pay her back by an agreed upon date. This has never been an issue, and I’ve never been late to pay her back. (haven’t really done this in many years tho).
Post # 16
$0 I work hard for my money. I put anything extra into savings, into extra mortgage payments/car payments or for my kids. My kids, my home and bills obviously come first before lending money out to people.