Post # 16
Eh…..I really depends on the person, the situation, the destination, etc. DW’s get a super bad rep, but honestly it’s no different than if you got invited to a wedding that was several states away and required a flight + hotel. I’ve attended domestic weddings where I spent almost as much as a Destination Wedding because it’s not all-inclusive so you’re paying for every.single.item (food, rental car, hotel, etc).
Close close friends and family, I’d find a way to make it happen regardless of the cost. I’ve turned down plenty of weddings over the years where I didn’t feel like the wedding/friendship warrented me spending that much money. Years ago a friend of mine got married in Charleston, and while it’s a gorgeous city and I would have been happy to spend my money to go there – it just wasn’t in the budget or time off so I declined. I didn’t consider my friend “horrible” for choosing that location.
The reality is long gone are the days where a bride gets married in her hometown. Most people are going away to college and their guest lists reflect family from all over and friends who are spread out. Most people have to travel to weddings anyway.
Post # 17
I am having a Destination Wedding and it’s in Mexico and for a week all inclusive at a 5 star resort, including flight and transportation there, guests with a double occupancy (which is mostly everyone coming) are paying $2200.
We pay for the wedding still. There is a starting cost for the wedding package which then with the upgrades for flowers photogrpahy etc adds up and then we pay per head for each guest for the event. So it’s not the guests who are paying for the wedding. They are paying for their accomodation. (which includes air fare and food and beverages too for the rest of their stay there)
We also understand not everyone will be able to come. And we won’t be upset with people who choose not to come.
Post # 18
oh and that’s 2200 CAD so approx 1690 USD
Post # 19
Destination weddings are a neon sign that tells your loved ones that the scenery and photos of your wedding day are more important than the people you spend it with.
Is it possible for you to stay in a different hotel? I’m also in the boat that she doesn’t get a bachelorette and a bridal shower if she’s having an expensive Destination Wedding. Unless she’s only inviting people who can attend the Destination Wedding to the bridal shower, it comes off as really gift grabby.
I would communicate to the bride that you’ve reached your max. I’d do it now nicely and not wait until she starts demanding you also pay for professional hair, makeup, nails, etc.
Post # 20
If not attending would be sudden death to the friendship, then to me, it would not be a friendship worth keeping. I would only go if it was an immediate family member, which it wouldn’t be in any case. For anyone else, I would not be OK spending that kind of money for someone else’s idea of my vacation.
I will travel domestically and incur expense if family or the couple live in the area where the wedding is being held.
Post # 21
fourfrenchfries : hahaha not at all! Me and Fiance have family in the UK and South Africa and we live in Canada so people would have had to have traveled regardless to come to the wedding. Those who are nearest and dearest will come and the others who can’t come – it’s ok we understand.
I am actually having my bachlorette there in Mexico a few days before the wedding so as not to have more costs on top of the travel plans for the wedding.
And FYI we went to my friends wedding who was not a Destination Wedding and we had to stay at the resort which was $300 a night for two nights so that was $600, plus food and gas and a wedding present. so….
Post # 22
fromatoz : That is alot of money in my opinion and I had a dstination wedding!
We got a resort that was 6 nights all inclusive for $1300 per person. I also paid for all my bridesmaid dresses and my husband paid for all the grooms men attire since they were paying so much to come and be in our wedding. We also didnt expect a gift forom people as having them ther was gift enough for us. We werent angry or upset if people werent able to come as we understood the cost and the vacation time from work people may not have but we were lucky to have over 70 guests attend 🙂
Post # 23
starfish0116 : I feel exactly the same way!
fromatoz : I think it’s all based on a few things, what my relationship is with the person being most important. I either go and make a fun trip out of it, or send a gift and my regrets and take the couple out to dinner to catch up after the wedding. It’s never been an issue. I’d probably pay $2-3k to attend the wedding of a good friend, because that’s around what we’d spend on a nice vacation for ourselves anyways.
Post # 24
$2,300 seems pretty resonable for the kind of a trip, although that doesn’t mean anyone could afford that or want to spend that much on someone’s wedding. It is a lot of money. If I were having a Destination Wedding, however, I wouldn’t let my friends throw bachlorette or bridal showers for me.
Post # 25
lori85 : I think it’s different when the couple live in a different country/their friends and family are spread over different countries; I don’t necessarily see that as a destination wedding. I think PP was likely referring more to weddings where the B&G and the vast majority of their friends and family live in the UK/USA, and then they choose to get married in Spain/Mexico. The latter does irritate me, whereas the former is totally different.
Like the wedding I’m attending in Australia: the B&G and groom’s family live in Australia, the bride’s family is from the UK. People are going to have to travel regardless, so they’ve opted for Australia which is easier to plan, plus the bride’s friends and family have more money so travelling is less difficult.
Post # 26
It depends on relationship and location for me. One of my best friends got married in Thailand and my bf at the time and I made a vacation out of it. Flights alone were $1500, and then we were there for 4 week and it ended up beign about 9k for the two of us when all said and done.
Both my SILs had weddings in their home town, which is a “destination” for us since it involved flying and that probably ended up being about 2k. And we’re going to DHs cousins wedding next weekend and that will be around 1k.
I’d say around 2-3k is reasonable if it’s a location I dont mind going to. If I do, and it’s not close friend or family, I’d just decline.
Post # 27
And as far as a couple “getting to decide” how you spend your vacation and when, how is that happening? You can always decline, no matter what the situation or relationship.
Post # 28
I couldn’t afford any Destination Wedding outside the US, except possibly Canada. Only could go if whoever was hosting foot the bill. Sorry, but not everybody has money to blow to travel, even for close family. Hopefully they would understand that food and my student loans come first.
Post # 29
I think that’s about what I’d expect for an all-inclusive resort (assuming here) and airfare for two people, honestly. Is it an option for your husband not to attend to save money? I’d probably try that before backing out entirely if I were in the wedding party.
My husband and I are traveling to his brother’s wedding a few states away for one weekend and we’re already looking at about $1000 in airfare and hotel costs.
Post # 30
I think a lot of couples say that they are totally fine with people declining a Destination Wedding invite, but that hasn’t been my experience. They may be cool with it if people have what they deem a reasonable excuse i.e. childcare issues, financial issues, etc. My husband and I are DINKs and are comfortable financially, so when we’ve declined, it’s been met with a lot of questions and some attitude because we don’t have what they think is a “good” excuse to not attend. According to them, I have plenty of money and take time off of work to travel all the time, so why can’t we do it for their wedding? Well, I do spend a lot of money to travel and I do take time off work to do it, but it’s of my choosing. I don’t like having to pay a $2300 admission fee to your wedding. And don’t even get me started on the people who get legally married before their DWs because the “paperwork is too complicated.” Ugh.