Post # 1
My Fiance lives 4 hours from me. He doesn’t own a home, has no family there, has never been married, has no children…you get the picture. The only thing there is his job. I own a home, have 3 children in a shared-custody arrangement, have family closeby, etc… His chef work is seasonal during the summer and during the off-season he helps out at other restaurants that stay open. I think, after we are married, he should keep his summer job and come here to be with me during his off months instead of working at those other places. That way he stays in a job he loves and has been at for quite a while. He seems to think it would be better if he kept his summer job and just CUT BACK on the hours at the other places he helps out during the off-season. Am I not seeing the big picture here? Any advice?
Post # 3
Hmm…I’m personally on your side; I don’t understand you and your Fiance staying apart after getting married, especially if the only thing keeping him so far from you are off season gigs. But just to play devil’s advocate, from my understanding of the cooking industry, a lot of work goes into forming your network and your reputation in a certain area, and perhaps your Fiance feels that all that work would go to nothing if he moved? Is he afraid that if he looked for off season chef work around your area that he’d be bumped down and have to work his way up in a restaurant again?
Even if that is the case though, he can begin establishing a network and reputation in your area; there should be a way around you two having to be apart so much.
Good luck and hope that helps a little!
Post # 4
AS a military wife, i can tell you it’s the “norm” to be apart frequently =]. But, in your case, I wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of my husband leaving every summer to work, however, I fully understand that having an income is ideal.
Also, if he comes home during his off months, how many months a year is that? Have you considered that because he LIKES his job, it would be hard for him to just come home and sit around?
Is there any way he can take something closer to home that is more permanent, year-round, more regular?
There is no “norm”, it’s really what is most comfortable for your situation.
Post # 5
I remember your last post and I think he should definitely move to your area given the situation. There are restaurants where he could find work in your area as well..
Post # 6
I also agree that he should move to your area and find work as a chef some place else!!! Easier said than done though, you will have to negotiate what works best for both of you as a couple. k
Post # 7
I’m good friends with a chef and acquainted with many of her friends in the restaurant industry, and I’m really confused why your Fiance isn’t willing to move to your area. My impression is that the industry is incredibly transitory, with many chefs changing locales on a seasonal basis. Perhaps there are other issues at play here. I would sit down and have a good talk with him about what his reservations are about finding a job where you live once you are married.