(Closed) What’s the Norm?

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmm…I’m personally on your side; I don’t understand you and your Fiance staying apart after getting married, especially if the only thing keeping him so far from you are off season gigs.  But just to play devil’s advocate, from my understanding of the cooking industry, a lot of work goes into forming your network and your reputation in a certain area, and perhaps your Fiance feels that all that work would go to nothing if he moved?  Is he afraid that if he looked for off season chef work around your area that he’d be bumped down and have to work his way up in a restaurant again?

Even if that is the case though, he can begin establishing a network and reputation in your area; there should be a way around you two having to be apart so much.

Good luck and hope that helps a little!

Post # 4
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

AS a military wife, i can tell you it’s the “norm” to be apart frequently =]. But, in your case, I wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of my husband leaving every summer to work, however, I fully understand that having an income is ideal.

Also, if he comes home during his off months, how many months a year is that? Have you considered that because he LIKES his job, it would be hard for him to just come home and sit around?

Is there any way he can take something closer to home that is more permanent, year-round, more regular?

There is no “norm”, it’s really what is most comfortable for your situation.

Post # 5
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I remember your last post and I think he should definitely move to your area given the situation. There are restaurants where he could find work in your area as well..

Post # 6
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I also agree that he should move to your area and find work as a chef some place else!!! Easier said than done though, you will have to negotiate what works best for both of you as a couple. k

Post # 7
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’m good friends with a chef and acquainted with many of her friends in the restaurant industry, and I’m really confused why your Fiance isn’t willing to move to your area. My impression is that the industry is incredibly transitory, with many chefs changing locales on a seasonal basis. Perhaps there are other issues at play here. I would sit down and have a good talk with him about what his reservations are about finding a job where you live once you are married.

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