Post # 1
My friend just came to me flustered. She is flying across the country with her husband and three step-daughters for her husband’s older sister’s wedding next week.
The couple asked for cash gifts to help with their student loans and debt. I’m sure that alone raises some eyebrows. Here’s the kicker: my friend’s husband wants to give his sister $1,000 as a gift.
My friend is beside herself. They aren’t destitute, but they aren’t wealthy. They’re spending a lot of money on five plane tickets and hotel rooms (not to mention what they will spend on meals while they are there). They bought flower girl dresses for the three daughters.
$1,000 seems like an over the top gift to me, but maybe I’m wrong?
What do you think is a “normal” amount to give as a cash gift at a family wedding?
Post # 3
My DH brother gave us $1000. I thought it was overly generous, especillay because he still lives with his mom. But some famililies are different when it comes to $$. After reading your post, I think a good compromise would be $500. Still VERY generous but not ridiculous.
Post # 4
Personally, for me, in that exact same situation I would give 1K. Had I not had to travel, fly and book hotel rooms I would likely give more.
This is his sister. Not cousin or friend. Sister.
But, I also think that it is probably more than what the average person would give for even a sister.
But if your friend really feels that giving 1K and all the travel would put the family in a financial hardship she should talk to her husband about it. If he’s adamant about giving that much then they need to cut elsewhere to make up for it.
Post # 5
Wow, that’s a lot of money, it’s one thing if they can afford it but with what they are spending I’d agree that’s over the top. I gave my cousin $150 for his wedding last year and the most I’ve ever spent on a wedding gift was $200, but that’s all my budget will allow.
Post # 6
Oh, they’ve talked. I think he’s being a bit cavalier…with her money. My friend is the breadwinner of the two of them.
I think part of her problem is that this sister claims poverty…yet she lives in one of the most expensive cities in the country and is throwing a big wedding. If you are being crushed by debt, why throw a lavish affair?
Post # 7
Wow, I consider myself a somewhat generous wedding present giver but $1,000 seems outrageous to me. It is one thing if you are very wealthy. However, in that situation, I’d probably give about $500 (since there are five attending the wedding).
Post # 8
I give $1.00 just based on priciple that they ASKED for cash. I’m sorry but I just can’t swallow that people do that. I don’t give a shit what you’re trying to pay off.
Post # 9
Sorry, but gifts for a wedding are to go toward building a home together, not paying off your student loans. That alone is beyond the realm of good manners for them to even ask for cash to pay those off. Maybe you should pay them off first BEFORE having a big wedding if it’s that important you get them paid off! Jeeez.
I feel for your friend. This is a lot of money to spend already, which I’m sure she does not begrudge her husband spending since it IS his sister’s wedding. But to then say, I’m giving $1000 of the money you mostly made to help my sister pay off her student loans? I’d draw the line and get them a gift for their home.
Post # 10
Who’s paying for the wedding of people who need help to pay their bills? Is her brother adding up the old ‘cover the cost of your meals’ line of thinking for the 5 of them?
We give $500. for my neices and nephews, but for most weddings (depending on who they are) we give $250.
Post # 11
Hmm. I tend to agree with most of the above posters – this is his sister, and if their finances allow it, erring on the side of being generous to close family is never a bad idea. In my part of the country (NY/northern NJ, where admittedly salaries are higher than in many other areas, although COL is too) $1000 to an immediate family member would be generous but not abnormal or inappropriate. But if she really feels uncomfortable with how her husband is spending her money, she’s got to have a serious talk with her husband, it sounds like this might be a bigger issue than just the wedding gift…
Post # 12
That seems very high and generous. DH brother (single) gave us 400, and sister (with FI) gave us 600. Grandparents gave 800. So I think 500 is very generous given the fact of travel expenses, etc.
Post # 13
See, I’m from Ridgewood, NJ, just outside of NYC and $1,000 seemed extremely generous to me…especially in light of the travel expenses.
Post # 14
I think its generous but do not see it as being over the top, since it’s her brother. But then, if it’s 5 people who are attenting this wedding..really 1K is reasonable ($200/person).
When/If my sister gets married I wouldn’t be giving her anything less than 1k.
Post # 15
We gave my husband’s sister $1000 for their wedding. I think, if you can afford it, it is normal to be generous with family. My brother only gave us a card, though, so it definitely depends….
Post # 16
Just out of curiosity, I justed asked her what the sister gave her little brother for his wedding. She said they got a photo album from her. Interesting.